Would you say it is harder to have LO #2 with a 2 yo or a 3 yo?
DD is HN and I just don't know if she would handle LO#2 if she war younger or older?
I think it's based on the child. DS was 21 months when DS2 was born and he was great - he loved the baby but for the most part left him alone and did his own thing. Now DS2 will be 2 1/2 when DD is born, so almost a year older and I'm worried - he's wild, a hitter, always wants mom's attention, etc. DS1 will be 4 and I think he will be a great help but again that's completely personality based, he was great when he was 21 months too. So, I think you have to decide based more on when you're ready for another one and not so much on the child's age. 3 year olds can be MORE difficult than 2 year olds...or not depending on the kid's personality.
erbear:I would have had an easier time if #2 was a newborn now (DD1 is 3) than when I did (she was 23 months). She's much easier and independent now, and helpful in a way she wasn't a year ago.
this. I think its easier with a 2.5-3 year difference.
It's going to depend on the temperaments of the kids involved. I did not find a 12 month gap hard but I likely would have felt differently if I had a colicky infant/a difficult 12 month old. I have 3 friends who did 3 year gaps and thought it was really hard because their older child acted out/regressed a lot/was at a tough age even before baby so it was hard to manage that plus an infant.
I think you trade in one set of challenges for another. 2 year olds are needier but 2 is generally an easier age/LO would likely adapt quicker and 3 year olds are generally at a tough age behaviorally but are more self sufficient. It's whatever set of challenges you think are easier to manage.
We plan on having our 3rd when our oldest is around 3-3.5/youngest is 2-2.5 and I am a LOT more worried about the 3 year old. I've heard 3 is a whole lot more terrible than 2.