Moms of 2 or more

SnowflakeBride06

Would you say it is harder to have LO #2 with a 2 yo or a 3 yo?

DD is HN and I just don't know if she would handle LO#2 if she war younger or older? 

drcolleen

I have no frame of personal reference for other age gaps and DD1 is probably average (though I think she is super smart and she is in speech classes d/t some enunciation problems), but DD1 was 2y9mo when DD2 was born.  She had a bit of regression in tasks often asking for help, e.g. with getting toilet paper and such which she could do but I think she needed attention and did have an increased number of accidents.  She is great with her sister though, now DD1 brings toys to her sister, is helpful in "watching" her play, and is excited about her sister going places with us.  I dont' know whether other spacings are "better" but this spacing definitely works for us (not planned as you can see below).  It is the cutest thing to watch the 2 of them interact and laugh, heart melting -especially when I think about some of the less pleasant interactions likely to come in the future, I have a sister so have been there!

erbear

I would have had an easier time if #2 was a newborn now (DD1 is 3) than when I did (she was 23 months). She's much easier and independent now, and helpful in a way she wasn't a year ago.

SnowflakeBride06

Thanks ladies! Its just so hard to know what will be better b/c I know no matter when its going to be tough for her

WildcatPrincess

I was extremely worried about DD who is a super clinger, but she has taken it like a champ. I don't know if it's her age or if it was having DS, but she has suddenly become much more independent and is noticeably more social at playgroup. People who have known her since she was 4 months old have commented on how she has come out of her shell since DS was born. She loves him and always wants him in the same room - if I go get her from nap or in the morning and DS isn't with me he's the first thing she asks for and if he cries she immediately yells "mama help" and pats my breast. A couple times she has wanted my immediate attention while he was nursing and gotten angry, and she has been testing her boundaries a lot more when I'm feeding him, but overall we've seen positive changes.

June2007

The closer in age they are, the harder it is until they are both above age 3-5 in my opinion (from personal experiences, nannying, years of babysitting and working in childhood development) Honestly though, once they are older they will be more likely to have the same friends/interest skill levels to play together if they are closer in age.

ryry1977

DS was 2 years  4 months old when DD was born and has been wonderful!  He loves her so much and things have gone so smoothly.  So I vote for  that age difference

mjcleve

I think it's based on the child.  DS was 21 months when DS2 was born and he was great - he loved the baby but for the most part left him alone and did his own thing.  Now DS2 will be 2 1/2 when DD is born, so almost a year older and I'm worried - he's wild, a hitter, always wants mom's attention, etc.  DS1 will be 4 and I think he will be a great help but again that's completely personality based, he was great when he was 21 months too.  So, I think you have to decide based more on when you're ready for another one and not so much on the child's age.  3 year olds can be MORE difficult than 2 year olds...or not depending on the kid's personality.

jshf

DS1 is 2 years and 2 months older. He has been awesome. He loves the baby and always wants to play with him and hold him. He is very helpful too. He only gets upset if he is tired or sick. Naps were awful because DS1 would wake up and want to be held. So I figured out how to deal with that. I put a napmat for DS1in the living room and feed or play with DS2 next to him. When DS1 wakes up and we are next to him he's not so upset. If I do need to put DS2 down, at least we are all on the floor. I also made sure to give 1-1 time to DS1 and to reinforce the idea of taking turns. Now that DS2 is a little bigger they play together. I think there are always adjustments. But you just do the best you can and they will cope. GL!

Hoax

erbear:

I would have had an easier time if #2 was a newborn now (DD1 is 3) than when I did (she was 23 months). She's much easier and independent now, and helpful in a way she wasn't a year ago.

this. I think its easier with a 2.5-3 year difference.

kcisthebombdotcom

It's going to depend on the temperaments of the kids involved. I did not find a 12 month gap hard but I likely would have felt differently if I had a colicky infant/a difficult 12 month old. I have 3 friends who did 3 year gaps and thought it was really hard because their older child acted out/regressed a lot/was at a tough age even before baby so it was hard to manage that plus an infant.

I think you trade in one set of challenges for another. 2 year olds are needier but 2 is generally an easier age/LO would likely adapt quicker and 3 year olds are generally at a tough age behaviorally but are more self sufficient. It's whatever set of challenges you think are easier to manage.

We plan on having our 3rd when our oldest is around 3-3.5/youngest is 2-2.5 and I am a LOT more worried about the 3 year old. I've heard 3 is a whole lot more terrible than 2.

mandyjn16

DS was almost 2.5 when DD was born. It is just now getting significantly easier, but I wouldn't say easy just yet. From what I have heard (and seems to be true for DS), 2.5-3.5 is actually the hardest part of the challenging twos.