Parenting

6 year old niece intentionally hurt my baby.

Hi all, I have a 6 year old daughter, and a 2 month old daughter. We were visiting my niece who is also 6 and she asked to hold the baby. I let her, and when I looked away for one second, my niece PINCHED my baby's ear on purpose, leaving a welt on her earlobe.  Her mother was mortified and forced her to apologize but it still is bothering me.

I am at a loss as to why she would do this! My husband and I discussed not allowing our niece to hold baby for a while, but I am not sure how to feel about her being around her at all. Any thoughts? How would you feel?

Re: 6 year old niece intentionally hurt my baby.

  • I wouldn't let her around LO without extremely close supervision or if LO isn't in your arms. If you see them on a regular basis, I would talk to her mother about the concerns and why you don't want to get together as much.
    imageimage
  • I'm largely w auntie. Yes, watch her very closely. Don't let her hold your baby. But, this might just be a one-off thing and not something to send her off to the mental institution over.  I don't know that I'd end my relationship w them over this be incident. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • That should be "one" incident. 

     To add, what's her overall exposure to babies?  I ask in that if she hasn't had much, she may have seen your baby as more of a doll and was testing that. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imageEastCoastBride:

    That should be "one" incident. 

     To add, what's her overall exposure to babies?  I ask in that if she hasn't had much, she may have seen your baby as more of a doll and was testing that. 

     

    i agree here, if she is not used to babies she may have just been testing her boundaries. i would keep and eye on her and see what happens... it sounds like her mom was concerned as well and did not brush it off which is a good thing. i will be bringing my baby to my nanny job and am already expecting the 4 year old to get in a few pokes! i will keep an eye on her and immediately address any bad behavior... but it would also be good in your case to praise your neice when she treats the baby nicely :)

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  • imageEastCoastBride:

    That should be "one" incident. 

     To add, what's her overall exposure to babies?  I ask in that if she hasn't had much, she may have seen your baby as more of a doll and was testing that. 

    I agree with this.  

  • Like everyone else said, if she's generally a good kid, I would just let it go,and just watch her closely from now on.  DS was 27 months old when I had DD, and the first day DH bought him to see us, he pinched her while holding her, we were both mortified, but it was one incident, we just watched them closely. 
  • She has already tried to poke her in the eye, press on her soft spot, and almost dropped a toy on her face before my DH and I intervened.  All in seperate instances.  She sees baby once a week or so.  Its not every time, but sometimes she just has blatant disregard for everyone and everything around her, destroying toys, coloring on walls, etc.
  • We love her and spend a lot of time with them, and want to keep it that way, I just worry about what she will do next!
  • Love her all you want... but if this was me, I wouldn't want my baby to be her trial and error baby... she wouldn't be allowed to hold or be near my kid.  The safety of MY child comes before anyone or anything else.
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  • imagecindy-bindy:
    She has already tried to poke her in the eye, press on her soft spot, and almost dropped a toy on her face before my DH and I intervened.  All in seperate instances.  She sees baby once a week or so.  Its not every time, but sometimes she just has blatant disregard for everyone and everything around her, destroying toys, coloring on walls, etc.

    It would have been nice if you had added this in your original post.   Just don't let her near the baby.  Have your 6 year old play with her in another room when they are over and when they are in the same room with the baby you just make sure you are right near the baby or are holding it.  There is no reason why she has to hold the baby or even play with it.  Your baby isn't a doll so just redirect her away from the baby.

  • imagelittlemermaid:

    imagecindy-bindy:
    She has already tried to poke her in the eye, press on her soft spot, and almost dropped a toy on her face before my DH and I intervened.  All in seperate instances.  She sees baby once a week or so.  Its not every time, but sometimes she just has blatant disregard for everyone and everything around her, destroying toys, coloring on walls, etc.

    It would have been nice if you had added this in your original post.   Just don't let her near the baby.  Have your 6 year old play with her in another room when they are over and when they are in the same room with the baby you just make sure you are right near the baby or are holding it.  There is no reason why she has to hold the baby or even play with it.  Your baby isn't a doll so just redirect her away from the baby.

    Yeah, knowing all this, my advice changes.  I don't think you need to stop seeing them - but I see no reason why you need to let her hold the baby anymore.  And if you're holding the baby and she tries something, start using it as teaching lessons.  She has no regard?  Well, teach her some.  "That's not how we treat babies.  You need to be gentle", or what have you.

    My DS used to be rough w/ dogs.  But then we taught him "gentle pats" and now he's VERY good w/ dogs. 

    Again- while she see's YOUR baby once a week, before that, what was her exposure?  If she's never really been around babies, AND her parents haven't worked w/ her to teach her some basic rules/manners - when it comes to YOUR baby, YOU have evrey right to be more direct and explain how she needs to treat your baby. 

    it's just like kids in my house- kids start to do something I don't want them to do?  I have NO issue speaking up and saying "These are the rules of our house".  You can establish "These are the rules on how you treat babies". 

    But again- I would do all I could to pretty much keep her away from your child.  And I wouldn't hide my reasons.  If her parents ask you why you don't let their DD hold /play w/ the baby - I'd be honest.  "She's a bit rough and we're not comfortable w/ her holding the baby". 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Don't let her near the baby and her mother needs to work on her behavior, if anything. Happens again I woul.d tell her Mom that you will not be getting together until she can keep her hands to herself or the baby can defend herself. But does it generally seem like she has "issues"?  This seems more than inexperience or boundary testing for a 6yo. 
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • We had next door neighbor who had a daughter the same age as my younger brother.  My mom would talk about how she was a bad kid, even when she was a toddler. I thought it was a strange way to speak of a small child. But when she about 5 years old she poked another baby in the eye and blinded him.  

    I'm not suggesting your niece is devil-child and I wouldn't cut them off, but if you have a bad feeling about your interactions with her, just never ever leave her alone with your children.   

  • you let her hold her after she tried to poke her eyes, tried to push at her soft spot, and almost dropped a toy on her head??...yeah i'd say no to the holding her part at this point.  i'd say no to her having any contact with the baby when the families visit. at this point, I wouldn't think anyone would question it.
    Patty Matt 4/7/05 and Sean 12/14/06 image
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