Baby fell and I'm pissed

laurelnikki

Dh always holds dd and falls asleep too. I've told him a million times not to do this and I often wake up when it's his turn to yell at him for doing it do I never get much sleep. 

Anyways about 2 am last night I was asleep and dh was watching baby. I heard a loud thud and her screaming. Dh had her in bed with him and had dropped her. I saw poor dd laying on her back on the hardwood floor ( our bed is also about 30 in high)

 

I freaked out and was like omg u dropped her and her was like no no and trying to act like it didn't happen. Really wtf!!! I called the emergency nurse and kept her awake  for awhile and woke her every to hours to check her pupils etc. she is smiling and seems ok thank god.

  I know accidents happen but I'm so pissed at dh because I tell him not to do things and he does them anyways. I don't even want to talk to him and half tempted to just stay at my parents tonight. Should I be this pissed or m I overreacting? 

aimeewinn

I would be pissed too and I don't think you are over reacting, especially since you told him time and time again. My DH let my LO fall off the couch when he was 4 months old while I was in the bedroom trying to take a nap because I was sick. I was so pissed at him for not paying attention. I think you were right in yelling at him lol. Does she sleep through the night? Why was he watching her so early in the morning? My pedi told me as long as LO can be consoled and stop crying, eats and doesn't pass out right away, they are fine. Just for peace of mind.

SoxFan777

I'd be concerned for sure. 

I'd be even more concerned about him lying to try and cover it up.  In that situation, he should have put aside his guilt AND you should have put aside your anger (maybe you, did, it's not clear) in order to make sure the baby was ok.  You were right to call the emergency nurse, for sure...  

What would staying at your parents accomplish?  I don't understand that part. 

RandiWalsh

You are absolutely not overreacting. A baby is not a bag of chips. I'm sorry to say but that's complete laziness on his part if it happens all the time. Not that he drops her all the time but if he falls asleep a lot. I know it's tough to be totally alert when taking care of a baby at 2am but splash some water on your face. I wouldn't stay at your moms bc he probably feels terrible and you should talk to him and tell him that's why you get on him so much about doing that. Accidents do happen but when you put yourself in a position to have an accident you are at fault in the end. You can't feel on edge while your trying to take advantage of "his turn" that should be a time when you can relax and know LO is being taken care of and not that you have to get up and check on hubby AND baby.

laurelnikki

SoxFan777:

I'd be concerned for sure. 

I'd be even more concerned about him lying to try and cover it up.  In that situation, he should have put aside his guilt AND you should have put aside your anger (maybe you, did, it's not clear) in order to make sure the baby was ok.  You were right to call the emergency nurse, for sure...  

What would staying at your parents accomplish?  I don't understand that part. 

Mall I said was you dropped her and then I took her checked her and called the nurse. I didn't yell or talk to dh because I didn't want dd to sense I was upset. I put her to bed  at 730 and then I went to bed around 9. She woke up at 1030 and dh said he would get her and I fell asleep. So he probably fed her and then brought her into bed with him to get her to sleep and he fell asleep too  guessing.

 

Staying at my parents prob won't help but I don't understand why he doesn't take things I tell him not to do seriously. He wasn't this way before she was born but now he's a total idiot. Maybe I'll just tell him to go somewhere else. I'm just soar and don't even want to see him or fight with him 

homediva

Sounds like the problem is not necessarily that the baby fell, but that you had communicated your concern to your husband and it was essentially ignored, resulting in the accident that you were scared would happen. I don't think you should go off and sleep elsewhere or the communication problem will just perpetrate. Talk to your husband again, explain your concerns, point out that "I told you so" but not in so many words, and then find a solution. 

I also agree with PP that I am confused about your sleeping arrangements - why does one of you need to be watching her sleep? Maybe this would be a good time to transition to crib?

Glad she is OK though! I would totally be pissed too, but accidents do happen!! 

laurelnikki

No we rock dd and then put her in crib always but dh gets lazy and holds her till she falls asleep. I know I should talk to him about it I'm sure he feels bad but I'm just upset right now and obviously all the times I talked to him before didn't sink in.im also pissed he tried to act like it didn't happen. 

I know accidents happen but this is a safety issue I've addressed repeatedly in our household. Just like any other safety issues, it wouldn't have happened if he listened. He also has been told that if he feels too tired to wake me up or put her in crib half asleep 

laurelnikki

Also I was only watching her sleep because she fell

dairygirl19

Would I be mad H doesn't listen to me? Definitely.

Would I be mad that the baby fell? Probably not.

Thing is stuff happens. Tread carefully. It could've been you just as easily.

TeacherVicky

dairygirl19:

Would I be mad H doesn't listen to me? Definitely.

Would I be mad that the baby fell? Probably not.

Thing is stuff happens. Tread carefully. It could've been you just as easily.

This.

I think you're overreacting. Accidents happen, babies/kids fall. I would be more pissed (and worried) at him lying about it.

I don't think staying at your mom's will accomplish anything. I think you have to have a conversation with your H and agree for him not to take your LO to bed with him.

SailorGray

You're overreacting. I dropped my little guy out of bed this week. I was tired and dozed off. He fell asleep in his Boppy and *plop* he fell. I felt like crap and having my H pissed at me would have just made matters 10x worse.  Luckily, my H knows this and respects me enough to not call me an idiot, to not threaten to go elsewhere and to not ask me to go elsewhere. Yes, he has mentioned to me that maybe I shouldn't put DS in his Boppy on the end of the bed and that maybe I should put him in between us. I worry about H rolling on him (FTR, DS sleeps in his crib, but every now and then has a rough night, so he comes in with us).

Anyway, things are going to happen and you have to roll with them.  I can understand why you would be annoyed, but your reaction now is really not the most rational.

imurs8228

I would be livid.  End of story.  I probably wouldn't talk to him for a good while just because I was so disgusted with such a stupid stupid mistake but I wouldn't go to my parents.  I don't think you're over-reacting. 

FWIW, DH pulled crap like this early on and I hired a babysitter every time I left the house bc I didn't trust him to take care of DS...that fixed it pretty quickly.  (We're military and don't have family around otherwise I would've used one of my parents or friends)

dairygirl19

laurelnikki:

hours to check her pupils etc. she is smiling and seems ok thank god.

  I know accidents happen but I'm so pissed at dh because I tell him not to do things and he does them anyways. I don't even want to talk to him and half tempted to just stay at my parents tonight. Should I be this pissed or m I overreacting? 

Going to be honest again. Be a mature adult. When H gets home say, "Look. It has made me nervous all along you sleep with LO. Even though she's fine after the fall this morning, I don't want it to happen again. I have warned you. You don't listen. It hurts me. What can I do to make you see that I need to be listened to on this?"

He's acting like a child. You're acting like one as well.

Furthermore, think of all the things you do in the course of your day that probably aren't the best/safest/right but you do it anyway because of time/in a hurry/it's easiest. We all do it. With our kids too.

lilmejo

You have a right to be angry, yes. I'd prb be pissed and freak out like a lunatic. But I think I'd want someone there to tell me that it could have happened to you, there were times when our son was born I was so exhausted I thought I'd fall asleep. But DH and I made a system that if it was my turn or his and either one of us felt too tired to take care of him we'd wake the other one up and boy did it suck to be the one woken up, but at least we knew the baby was ok. Just talk to him about why he did it and what you can do to prevent it working together.

wendyll64

You have a right to be mad but I think you're overreacting a little. This could as easily happen to you. He does need to stop bringinher to bed with him-dads just don't have the same instinct. He needs to either come get you or stand up so he won't fall asleep.

Junebug060609

I think you're overreacting.  It makes sense to be concerned if she's OK if she fell, but saying you want to leave and go stay with your mother...really???  What would that accomplish? 

It sounds like the bigger issue here is a lack of communication between the two of you.  Should he stop bringing her into bed if there is a fall danger?  Probably.  Should you stop jumping down his throat and telling people like us that he's an idiot? Probably. 

beautiflaw

Mine does the exact same thing and it drives me nuts. Luckily we have never had a fall. He crosses his arms over her and says that he wakes up at the slightest movement, but I know this isn't true because I've watched him. I pretty much never leave him alone with her if I know she's tired. He sleeps with her in the bed and the couch sometimes and I've told him the safe way of doing it but he never listens. He thinks he knows it all even though he has never read a page of her baby book ever.

DH gets over confident in his parenting abilities and is like, 'I got this' while she's playing and happy and then the next thing you know he's running to me wanting my help and getting all flustered the second she gets a little bit fussy. I've told him a thousand times not to leave her alone when she's crawling because she can get into stuff and she isn't careful and she tries to get under her bed, sticks her fingers in the door hinges, hits her head on the edges of the baseboards, etc. But she'll be sitting in the floor and he'll just walk off to check his email and then the next thing I hear is crying because she bonked her head on the wall or pulled something down from a table!!! And then he's all, 'I just left for a second, I thought she was fine'. It upsets me because I know what she is capable because I am with her all the time and he isn't, and yet he acts like he knows it all. I have explained to him that it makes me feel like he doesn't care, or that he is placing his priorities in life over the safety of our child, but he doesn't get that. All he sees is the singular incident and the fact that its just a little boo boo here and there that isn't a big deal or whatever, and so he doesn't think his behavior is worth changing because so far her life hasn't been in danger. I am still working on this with him. He thinks she is indestructible for some reason.

But honestly, even the best and most careful parent ever has accidents. I was bathing LO by myself one day and she was doing something cute in the tub and I took a couple of pictures of her, and didn't have her right within arms reach because I stood back a little bit to snap the picture. Before I knew it she was trying to pull up on the side of the tub, which she had never ever done before (even on dry land!) and she of course slipped backward and I barely got to her in time. She nearly banged her head on the faucet. I never imagined that she would try to pull up on the side of the tub because she'd never done it before, so I thought it would be okay to step back a bit to snap a picture. So yeah, everyone slips up.

 

Maybe the event will scare some sense into him and once you and he calm down some after some time has passed you can talk about it. Maybe he will try to do better next time. 

cottonlily84

I'd be mad but I sure wouldn't be leaving my house.  Accidents do happen but when you're warned not to do something to cause one, then do it anyway and it happens, can you really just let someone off the hook because it was an accident?  An accident is something that's unavoidable and imo this was preventable.  You do need a heavy talk, especially about that trying to cover it up by lying part. 

TeacherVicky

imurs8228:

I would be livid.  End of story.  I probably wouldn't talk to him for a good while just because I was so disgusted with such a stupid stupid mistake but I wouldn't go to my parents.  I don't think you're over-reacting. 

FWIW, DH pulled crap like this early on and I hired a babysitter every time I left the house bc I didn't trust him to take care of DS...that fixed it pretty quickly.  (We're military and don't have family around otherwise I would've used one of my parents or friends)

What?!?! You had a babysitter come in while your DH was home and you were out?

Manda422

Man!!  Your poor husbands, ladies!  Hiring babysitters to babysit your husbands?  Threatening to take yourself and baby away from your husbands and stay somewhere else?  Yikes!!!!  Chill out.  Accidents happen and your baby is fine.  Give your men a break and a chance to be a daddy!  All parents make mistakes.