May be sticking my neck out here...

Serendipity0812

I am 23 weeks pregnant with a little girl, and hubbs and I couldn't be happier.  I am a third generation nurse, and my nursing school clinicals in L&D, nursery, and NICU were life-changing.  I saw quite a few births in which the baby would not have survived had it been a home birth--they barely survived in the hospital.  Not all of them were high risk births, either.  I also saw medicated and unmedicated births, and there wasn't a noticeable difference in the babies they produced.  Even at the tender age of 17, I couldn't understand why anyone would go through a birth any other way.  Of course, I now understand the reasoning behind birthing centers, midwives, and alternative methods of pain control.

I can't relax with the idea of having my baby anywhere but in a hospital with my OB/GYN standing by, an OR down the hall, and a NICU within easy reach.   The thought of what could go wrong nauseates me, and I know that with newborns more than any other age group, seconds count.  I'm not saying anything about women who choose different birth environments, only that this is the choice I am most comfortable with.

What I don't understand is some of the looks I get from women when I tell them what I want for my birth.  They act as though I've just said I want to cook my baby up and eat her on a taco.  Since when was having your little one in the hospital with a doc and an epidural equal to child abuse?  They also act as though I'm strapping myself in for a kamikaze flight, like I may not come out of it alive.  I understand why hospitals are scary to some people, but they're a second home to me.  My mom (and her 30+ years of nursing) will also be there ensuring that things go smoothly assuming I am incapacitated for whatever reason.  Allow me, at the risk of repeating myself, to assert that I understand this is not the case with every woman.

So what gives?  Why am I getting so much static?  Am I going to get my mommy card taken away for wanting medical science in all its glory present at my baby's birth?

LaurelBee

First, I don't think this is the right board to post this. Second, I assumed this was mud based on your post count, but I'll play along.

Birth is a very personal and individualized experience.  Every parent, especially mothers, should make decisions that they think is best for their baby.  No one should judge or make rude comments, but they do.  Everyone has a different opinion based on research, suggestions from the care provider, personal experiences, or experiences of others. If you're sick of having defend your decisions, stop sharing!  It's no one's business besides you and your H and your care provider.  Be vague and say "We'll see" or "We haven't decided yet." Or you could even say "I'm not comfortable discussing that with you."

Now you say you're sick of people putting down your birth choices, yet that's exactly what you did to home birthers and natural birthers.  Your post says to me that "People who choose a less medically supported birth is putting their child at risk."  So the hospital and an epi is the best option for you- that's fine!  But just know that there are risks to every birth senario and every mom has to weigh the risks and decide for herself.  It would be great if we could do that without judgement but that has to begin with you being more open minded to other women's decisions.  GL and I hope you have a great birth experience no matter what you choose!

Serendipity0812

"Now you say you're sick of people putting down your birth choices, yet that's exactly what you did to home birthers and natural birthers.  Your post says to me that "People who choose a less medically supported birth is putting their child at risk."  So the hospital and an epi is the best option for you- that's fine!  But just know that there are risks to every birth senario and every mom has to weigh the risks and decide for herself.  It would be great if we could do that without judgement but that has to begin with you being more open minded to other women's decisions."

Apologies if I didn't make myself clear, my intention was to reflect that while I don't think alternative birthing methods are right for me, I respect those who choose them-yes, I do feel there is less risk for ME having the baby in a hospital because of my particular background and circumstances-as far as I can learn, its about minimizing risks on a case-by-case basis.  I was simply trying to give my background and reasoning so I didn't get a flood of posts from well-intentioned women who just felt I wasn't thinking this through very well.  I guess my biggest reason to post here was to vent frustration and hopefully get some reassuring stories from women who have had their babies the same way.  Yes, it was my first post since registering, although I've posted on a few of the boards as "anonymous," but we all have to start somewhere, right?

 

miss1991

Who care's how everyone choose's to birth. Why do you care so much what everyone believe's is the best method to birth? Be confident in you decision and leave it at that.

Get use to judgment it only get's worse after you have the child everyone will be telling what you are doing is wrong. Grow some ball's your in charge now!

LaurelBee

I know you didn't mean to put down other people's choices, but saying it's not a safe choice for you can make people take it personally bc of what it infers, kwim? There are plenty of women who delivered in a hospital with an epi, and those who chose a med-free delivery are probably in the minority. Try asking a question to moms of 2+ on 2nd Tri or even the age boards since those moms have gone through it already. I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time irl, but I can honestly see why they are getting defensive if the reasons you give them are the same ones you posted in your OP. 

ps- I agree with Miss. Everyone will have an opinion about how to raise your baby, so start practicing saying this " Thanks for your concern, but this is what's best for my family."  

climbnluna

So....this is my first post too, I am a bit shy and don't like to get caught up in drama!  However, I am a nurse (soon to be nurse practitioner) as well and I am married to a doc.  I ultimately agree that it is a very personal choice, but one that gets A LOT of feedback and comments.  Even with what I know and have seen, I see the beauty of a home birth and have many friends that have done it.  Personally - not that it really matters - I plan to deliver in a hospital with a doula and no interventions at all.  Of course we never know how things go until you are there, SO many births fall right off the birth plan.  However, this is a place to share your feelings with others, and although we may not agree on everything everyone has a right to their own birth experience.  And their own post.

chasensmommy

Serendipity - my LO is now almost 4 months now and I recall having similar feelings to you when considering where & how to have our baby. I do not work in the medical industry and am afraid of needles and hospitals but honestly I never thought twice about it - I knew I wanted to be in a hospital with a DR and the NICU close just in case. I wasn't sure if I was going to go natural or get an epi and I ended up getting the epi, mainly so I could enjoy the experience more. But I totally agree with you that those who choose to go natural or have their babies at home or some other way seem to really lay on an attitude about it. I can't pinpoint exactly why but it most definitely exists. And it is very irritating. They are the same ones who have an attitude later if you choose to give you baby formula because your baby isn't gaining enough weight. The advice to learn to just not share your choices is good advice. That's how I've learned to be. OH, and by the way, my birth experience was absolutely incredible - so much fun!!! You are just going to love it!!! ENJOY!  (and thanks for your hard work as a nurse - such an honorable profession!!)

mommy510

The most personal matters seem to be the ones that everyone has the most opinions about!

I totally agree with you about the hospital being the safest place to deliver.  If I hadn't been born in a hospital, I would have died. Of course, that's a pretty extreme case, and I understand people who do home births and use birthing centers.  I don't necessarily think that it is dangerous to give birth somewhere other than a hospital, but its just not for me.  I haven't really taken any criticism for my decision to give birth in a hospital, but man I took some heat for getting an epidural!  You would have thought I was trying to destroy my spine and hurt my child!

I agree with PP who said that everyone has their own opinions on how we should raise our children and we might as well get used to it.  I know my mom thinks I'm crazy for not giving my 18mo old Lucky Charms and oreos, but that's my business.  As long as you know why you make the choices, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks.

MississippiCatfish

I'm an RN as well and I gotta say...I think this post would be better-received on a board for nurses! You know what I mean;)  Part of being a nurse is respecting someone's wishes and desires even when you disagree (I'm sure you know that as well as I do!) and I think that's part of these boards, too.  Not saying that you were disrespectful, or that I disagree with you - because we are on the same page. but people tend to take offense easily around here, even though you could say that to your co-workers and probably get a big "Amen!" Good luck with your pregnancy!

tinyhumantoe

I understand exactly what you're saying I want to be in a hospital and I want meds.

I stopped telling people what we're doing.  I say we're in the decision making process.  People are going to start to worry when I'm still saying this at 37 weeks, haha!

MommyMelRN

I've been a NICU nurse for almost 10 years AND I am a master's prepared board certified Neonatal Nurse Practitioner.  It takes more than a semester of clinical to see and understand the difference between medicated and unmedicated births, as well as understand the problems that can occur with medical interventions.  

I'm not judging.  If you've done all the research and fully understand the risks and benefits of the decisions you make, that's fine by me.  I worked in a hospital, if people didn't deliver there, I wouldn't have a job! It just breaks my heart when  something goes wrong and a mom says "no one ever told me this could happen because I made x choice, my OB said it was perfectly fine."  It doesn't sound like you've done a whole lot of looking into things beyond what you learned and saw in nursing school, and I'd encourage both you and your mom to become as educated as you can, so you can make all of your decisions as informed as possible, and I don't just mean by asking your OB.

mommytoconnor

I am also an OB nurse and I understand what you are saying.  I also, for my own personal choice, would choose to deliver in a hospital that has resources in case of an emergency, as you never know what might happen.  Us as nurses see the worst things in our line of work, some of these may have been preventable, some may not have. I fully support women who opt for an alternative birthing method, as long as they are educated as to risks and that the midwives who are delivering are qualified.  I think it is a personal decision each mother has to make.  I don't think you need to tell anyone what your plans are for delivery.  Since my son, I find that people doll out their advice like crazy. I just smile at them and shake my head. Opinions are like A**holes, everyone has one.  You do what's best for you and your family and ignore others.  I will say that after you have the baby it gets worse.  You will constantly be told by others what to do better or what not to do.  My advice is enjoy your birthing experience and welcome to mommyhood.

Useonfire

Both my children were born in the OR. My DS was a planned C/s (at 39 weeks) due to positioning (he was floating transverse) and my DD was a VBAC attempt - 20hrs labor, then RCS.  My DS was born totally healthy, 9's on his APGAR's, nothing to write home about.  However, my DD was born with severe meconium aspiration (I went into labor on my own at 41w2d with a scheduled c/s looming the next day because I wasn't eligible for induction).  Had she been born at home or simply not in a setting where there was life saving equipment, she would have died. She wasn't breathing when she was born, and she needed a ton of medical intervention in the first 24hrs.  She was in the NICU for a week.  I understand why people have home births, but for me personally, I'm glad I did not.  My daughter is alive because I had her in the hospital where there were trained physicians to deal with her life threatening illness.  Other than the fact that she was overdue (and she passed every NST with flying colors, and her heartrate was great throughout my whole labor - I had to be monitored the entire time) there were NO indicators that she'd have a problem.  I'm eternally grateful for modern medicine.

jstmrried

I completely agree with Serendipity. It's a relief to see you take the words out of my head. There is absolutely no wrong way to create your own birth plan and experience and I know that home and water births have been amazing experiences for some of my friends. That being said, I am way too high maintenance and type A for something like that and for my own piece of mind - I will be delivering in a hospital with my doctor. I would like to try to avoid an epidural but, realistically if it gets too bad... I'm going there! Anyway, don't feel bad for the decisions you make to benefit you and your little one. Mamma knows best!