SIL is being an ash wipe

Sclines2595

So my SIL is a pretty girl. She is a mother of 2 (6 yo & 4 yo). We are pretty close although things she does drives me and DH crazy. She is a stay at home mom because her DH is loaded as the CEO of 2 hospitals in Cincinnati. When she was pregnant with both of her kids she gained 60+ pounds and hit around 200lbs at delivery. She now is around 130 and looks great. I found a picture of her on my computer in the hospital after she had her daughter 4 years ago. She was 60 pounds heavier than she is today and although it's not a glamour shot - its a post delivery pic. DH saw it and decided it would be a funny joke to post it to Facebook. Probably not the nicest thing to do --- but honestly - its not that big of a deal. She called me and DH screaming and yelling at us. Telling us that we don't care about her and don't respect her and that it was rude blah blah. She called her parents crying and they called DH telling him to apologize. He refuses to apologize because she can't take a joke and the fact that she called screaming at me when I didn't even do it. She tried to call DH 20 times it seemed like and he refused to answer. She texted him telling him he was a coward because he couldn't even answer her call. DH and I both think she is over reacting. We took it down as soon as she asked and she is beyond pizzed right now. Is it really that big of a deal?

ImThisBabysMom

I wouldn't call screaming about it, but I do dislike when family purposely does things like that or tells personal stories/information that they know I wouldn't want showed to or told to people. Especially FB because its not just between you and her, its everyone that has access to see what you posted.

Sclines2595

That's the thing that has us so baffled. Normally she is a good sport and doesn't get so bent out of shape. She screamed and cussed at me because I shouldn't have allowed DH to post that!  I didn't even know he did it until it was done. 

maccalovah

ImThisBabysMom:

I wouldn't call screaming about it, but I do dislike when family purposely does things like that or tells personal stories/information that they know I wouldn't want showed to or told to people. Especially FB because its not just between you and her, its everyone that has access to see what you posted.

This. I would NOT have been happy with that either, but at the same time, I wouldn't have called screaming about it.... 

aec22

Out of curiosity, was there a particularly rude caption posted with it? Or were you comparing how you looked after delivery vs. her? That may sway how I feel about it.

gisa886

Sounds like your husband was being a tool on purpose and looking for a reaction. I would have done the same thing and he should apologize. What a douchecanoe. 

Rudytudy87

I would have called and fussed my brother out too. Totally disrespectful on his part. 

biblionerd

gisa886:

Sounds like your husband was being a tool on purpose and looking for a reaction. I would have done the same thing and he should apologize. What a douchecanoe. 

Yeah, I agree with this... I see no way that this pic could have been posted in a friendly manner. I mean, come on... was the caption "look how amazing my sister looked after delivering her baby a random X years ago"? I highly doubt it. I think it's more than obvious how sensitive many pg women are about their weight so I really see nothing funny about it. 

Sclines2595

aec22:

Out of curiosity, was there a particularly rude caption posted with it? Or were you comparing how you looked after delivery vs. her? That may sway how I feel about it.

Not at all. I didn't even know DH did it until it was done. All he did was post it on the wall and that's it. No captions---nothing. I would understand if there was a rude caption or something like that - but it was just a bad picture of her. In my opinion she is being ridiculous. It's just a bad picture and no one cares. And like pp said - yes DH did it on purpose as a joke to get a rise out of his sister. But he didn't think she would be so sensitive about it  

AshleyDG83

Has she ever been weight conscious? I've had issues with my weight my entire life (even when I got back into my size 4s) and my brothers know EXACTLY what to do to get me upset. I would be really offended as well. I don't know that I would go to that extreme, but I'm not that kind of person. He needs to apologize to her, asap. He may not have meant to hurt her feelings, but he did, and that's what he needs to apologize for. It's the grown up thing to do.

JFH2010

Yeah, that would bother me too. It's just very personal. It would be one thing to email it and say, hey, look what I found going through my files! But posting it to FB is pretty rude.

Browneyedhunni85

I wouldn't be happy if a picture like that was posted in a public place. But I think she overreacted.

Sclines2595

She never had weight issues. Always skinny as a rail (except during pregnancy). She always jokes that she went on the milk and cookies diet during her pregnancies. I think DH is more mad at her reaction. The fact that instead of calling and asking it to be taken down she calls DH and I both screaming and cussing at both of us. He said he would talk to her If she talked like a human being instead of screaming and cussing 

stacieann15

Yeah, not funny at all, and it obviously hurt her feelings. Obviously she didn't expect to see or want to see those particular 4 or 6 year old pictures. The reasons could be anything -- perhaps she can no longer have children and it is upsetting to see herself at that moment. Perhaps she is weight-conscious. You have no idea.

Your husband is being a jerk (although she shouldn't have brought you into it).

I'm also confused about what her husband "being loaded" has to do with this situation. Did you tell us this so we wouldn't feel badly for her? 

SKWCM80

ImThisBabysMom:

I wouldn't call screaming about it, but I do dislike when family purposely does things like that or tells personal stories/information that they know I wouldn't want showed to or told to people. Especially FB because its not just between you and her, its everyone that has access to see what you posted.

This!! I wouldn't be a good sport about it at all. 

gisa886

Maybe your husband is overreacting because he knows what he did was wrong. 

ImThisBabysMom

gisa886:

Maybe your husband is overreacting because he knows what he did was wrong. 

That makes sense to me. Not answering his phone is either childish or avoiding it because he knows he was wrong.

bio-oesch

She didnt react well, but he was being a jerk for no reason. He wanted a reaction then b!tches about the reaction he gets? I dont see why he expects to be talked to like an adult when he doesnt act like one himself?

 

I gain a lot of weight with my pregnancies, I don't have weight issues, but I would be upset if pics of me looking like a whale were posted yrs later just to "get a reaction".

biblionerd

stacieann15:

Yeah, not funny at all, and it obviously hurt her feelings. Obviously she didn't expect to see or want to see those particular 4 or 6 year old pictures. The reasons could be anything -- perhaps she can no longer have children and it is upsetting to see herself at that moment. Perhaps she is weight-conscious. You have no idea.

Your husband is being a jerk (although she shouldn't have brought you into it).

I'm also confused about what her husband "being loaded" has to do with this situation. Did you tell us this so we wouldn't feel badly for her? 

Yeah, I don't get it...

jenwet

sorry, but have to agree with other posters. your DH is the one being an a**hat. yes, she reacted badly. wasn't that the point? I don't find public humiliation all that funny, and I particularly find posting pregnancy photos of someone for the sole purpose of mocking them to be in extremely bad taste. A sibling tease/joke fest conducted via email or something private is funny. Humiliating someone in a public forum isn't. I don't understand why your DH (or you, for that matter) thinks it should be.

tuc11301

Your husband is what I call a bully. I think it was just plain mean. And you say he posted it on Facebook as a "funny joke"... but Funny for who?

BigAppleBiggerBelly

jenwet:

sorry, but have to agree with other posters. your DH is the one being an a**hat. yes, she reacted badly. wasn't that the point? I don't find public humiliation all that funny, and I particularly find posting pregnancy photos of someone for the sole purpose of mocking them to be in extremely bad taste. A sibling tease/joke fest conducted via email or something private is funny. Humiliating someone in a public forum isn't. I don't understand why your DH (or you, for that matter) thinks it should be.

I completely agree with this. My brother once gave me a terrible preteen picture he'd found of me with huge glasses, bad perm, and multiple chins that he'd marked "self-confidence booster." Mean but funny, especially because he physically gave it to me and no one else saw it. What your husband did was plain mean and immature.

KFCupcake

Really?  Think about if someone you loved put a less than favorable picture up ON THE INTERNET for everyone to see.  That one picture could be copied by someone and bam, it's out there forever.  Your SIL has every right to be pissed.  If anyone besides me or DH (with my permission) puts a labor pic of me on the Internet you can bet your sweet azz that they would get an earful, not to mention, probably defriended too.  

It doesn't matter if you're rich, poor, pretty, skinny, etc.   We all have feelings that can get hurt.  Your husband was being a complete jerk and I would be embarrassed if mine ever did that.

dojo1

I'm not going to sugar coat this... I think what your DH did was a really petty way to take you sil down a peg.  It sounds like things are going great for her and her pregnancy photo was used as a dig against her.  I guess I just dont get why it was a "joke" to post the pic publicly and I can see why she wouldn't think it's funny.  She may have over reacted, but ultimately your DH was unilaterally wrong in doing this unprompted.  I say man up and sincerely apologize. 

mommabear17

You husband is the "ash wipe" here, not your SIL. 

Sclines2595

I just don't get it. I guess I am the only female on the planet who could give two shites about Facebook and what pics are on it. When I had the baby SIL came down to the hospital and took a pic with me and the baby and I Looked a hot mess. Hospital gown, swollen belly, face, etc, greasy hair and all. SIL put it on Facebook and I could care less. I don't give a rats hind end what the Facebook world thinks about me and my pics. It's not like it was a labor pic. It was a day postpartum and she was sitting in the hospital bed holding her daughter. I just don't get it.  But that's just me and my unpopular opinion I guess 

tiannalee

Sorry but I agree with others here.  I think that is an invasion of her privacy.  Some people are very sensitive about weight gain and after the birth of a child can be a very private and sensitive time.  I would be pissed if someone broadcast that on facebook as well.  I don't really see it as a joke - seemed kind of mean-spirited IMO. 

ETA: Your husband needs to apologize as he obviously hurt her feelings.  

Bonidiebabe

Sclines2595:

I just don't get it. I guess I am the only female on the planet who could give two shites about Facebook and what pics are on it. When I had the baby SIL came down to the hospital and took a pic with me and the baby and I Looked a hot mess. Hospital gown, swollen belly, face, etc, greasy hair and all. SIL put it on Facebook and I could care less. I don't give a rats hind end what the Facebook world thinks about me and my pics. It's not like it was a labor pic. It was a day postpartum and she was sitting in the hospital bed holding her daughter. I just don't get it.  But that's just me and my unpopular opinion I guess 

Well, the fact that you can give two shiits less about your own pic is fine. But I can totally see why she sould care about what YH posted. You JUST had a baby. That is why its ok to post a pic where you may have looked like a hot mess. It makes no sense that YH would post a less than flattering pic YEARS later. That is what makes it douchey. Do you get that?

ImThisBabysMom

It may not matter to you, so it may be hard to see her problem with it. But I'm sure somewhere in your head there are things that would bother you. Think about that and pretend someone did that thing to you. You'd have every right to be upset and that's ok. Just like its ok for her to be upset now. You don't HAVE to understand or like it....just accept it.

FusionLMT

Eh, I think it was inappropriate to call you and b!itch you out, but I would call my own brother and be upset with him.

gisa886

FusionLMT:

Eh, I think it was inappropriate to call you and b!itch you out, but I would call my own brother and be upset with him.

My guess is that brother wouldn't answer the phone at that point.

Scilines I can't understand how you don't get this. YH was just trying to be hurtful. It isn't about the fact that she had just had a baby or what the topic of the picture was. It is that her brother took something she was sensitive about and then plastered it on Facebook as a way to make fun of her. That is why it is an issue.  He deserved to be yelled at and I find it a little gross that he is that one playing the victim because he got yelled at. 

keelmic

Sclines2595:

aec22:

Out of curiosity, was there a particularly rude caption posted with it? Or were you comparing how you looked after delivery vs. her? That may sway how I feel about it.

Not at all. I didn't even know DH did it until it was done. All he did was post it on the wall and that's it. No captions---nothing. I would understand if there was a rude caption or something like that - but it was just a bad picture of her. In my opinion she is being ridiculous. It's just a bad picture and no one cares. And like pp said - yes DH did it on purpose as a joke to get a rise out of his sister. But he didn't think she would be so sensitive about it  

So he did it to piss her off, but didn't like the magnitude of how pissed off she was? So now he is mad too? Wow- makes me glad I don't have brothers, if that is the kind of stuff they do.

Your husband sounds really immature. Surely he can find something more constructive to do with his time, considering you have a new baby at home.

HannahO28

Yep--everyone else is right. Your husband was being a d*ck and he should apologize. 

JFH2010

Sclines2595:

I just don't get it. I guess I am the only female on the planet who could give two shites about Facebook and what pics are on it. When I had the baby SIL came down to the hospital and took a pic with me and the baby and I Looked a hot mess. Hospital gown, swollen belly, face, etc, greasy hair and all. SIL put it on Facebook and I could care less. I don't give a rats hind end what the Facebook world thinks about me and my pics. It's not like it was a labor pic. It was a day postpartum and she was sitting in the hospital bed holding her daughter. I just don't get it.  But that's just me and my unpopular opinion I guess 

The difference is intention. It sounds like she posted it as news - look, my SIL just had a baby! Whereas YH posted it years later BECAUSE it was unflattering. 

ateal2490

I would be seriously pissed off.

"Jokes" like that are not funny and regardless if she lost the weight or not, I'm sure she doesn't want those pictures all over the place. Your H probably embarrassed the sh*t out of her.Sorry, but I would have cussed his azz out too.

 

Oh. And he IS being a coward. If he actually believed himself when he said she was overreacting, he would have answered the damn phone.

 

ateal2490

Sclines2595:

She never had weight issues. Always skinny as a rail (except during pregnancy). She always jokes that she went on the milk and cookies diet during her pregnancies. I think DH is more mad at her reaction. The fact that instead of calling and asking it to be taken down she calls DH and I both screaming and cussing at both of us. He said he would talk to her If she talked like a human being instead of screaming and cussing 

 

Repeat that to yourself a few times and then think again about how upset she got.

No weight issues? 

Redneckmommy2011

Wow, i cant believe some of the posts that i am reading in response to this!!!!!!! HONESTLY?! Ya your husband pulled a joke on his sister, whoopdie friggin doo. I am #2 of 7 kids in my family and we do stuff like this to eachother all the time. I have two sisters and they are both heavier then i am and they would NEVER act like this if i said something about their weight. It sounds to me like your SIL needs to grow up and learn to take a joke and not be so damn concerned with her looks. I would be embarrassed at her behavior. if her image is that important to her then she shouldnt have a facebook or myspace or whatever. Her personal life should be kept to herself.

I wouldnt judge your husband for playing a joke on his sister, and to anybody who thinks that was an a$$hole thing to do, obviously times have changed enough that sibling rivalry is a thing of the past. Where i come from, it's considered FUN. People need to get over it. I thought it was entertaining.

gisa886

Redneckmommy, maybe you should reread the post. It wasn't posted on HER Facebook, it was posted on his. It was done as something to piss her off and make her feel like crap. Congratulations on thinking something like that is hilarious and being ok with it, but oddly enough many people don't find it amusing. No one feels good about themselves after having a baby. You are swollen and flabby and just feel gross. Also, she is probably proud of how hard she worked to get to where she is now and doesn't need to be made fun of for how she was. 

Sclines2595

Redneckmommy2011:

Wow, i cant believe some of the posts that i am reading in response to this!!!!!!! HONESTLY?! Ya your husband pulled a joke on his sister, whoopdie friggin doo. I am #2 of 7 kids in my family and we do stuff like this to eachother all the time. I have two sisters and they are both heavier then i am and they would NEVER act like this if i said something about their weight. It sounds to me like your SIL needs to grow up and learn to take a joke and not be so damn concerned with her looks. I would be embarrassed at her behavior. if her image is that important to her then she shouldnt have a facebook or myspace or whatever. Her personal life should be kept to herself.

I wouldnt judge your husband for playing a joke on his sister, and to anybody who thinks that was an a$$hole thing to do, obviously times have changed enough that sibling rivalry is a thing of the past. Where i come from, it's

considered FUN. People need to get over it. I thought it was entertaining.

Thank GOD you posted!! I was thinking that I was the only friggin' person on the planet who didn't see it as a big deal. Her feelings obviously got hurt - but she overreacted and shouldn't have been such a pansy about it IMO.  She should have told us, "Hey - I dont want that up there...will you take that down!" Instead of calling and screaming and yelling and cursing us.  

I just went through all of my Facebook albums - and I actually found the picture in my albums and I didn't even know it was there.  It's been on my Facebook(along with others that I took that day at the hospital) forever.  She just forgot that it was there--as did I.   

 

ImThisBabysMom

Sclines2595:

Redneckmommy2011:

Wow, i cant believe some of the posts that i am reading in response to this!!!!!!! HONESTLY?! Ya your husband pulled a joke on his sister, whoopdie friggin doo. I am #2 of 7 kids in my family and we do stuff like this to eachother all the time. I have two sisters and they are both heavier then i am and they would NEVER act like this if i said something about their weight. It sounds to me like your SIL needs to grow up and learn to take a joke and not be so damn concerned with her looks. I would be embarrassed at her behavior. if her image is that important to her then she shouldnt have a facebook or myspace or whatever. Her personal life should be kept to herself.

I wouldnt judge your husband for playing a joke on his sister, and to anybody who thinks that was an a$$hole thing to do, obviously times have changed enough that sibling rivalry is a thing of the past. Where i come from, it's

considered FUN. People need to get over it. I thought it was entertaining.

Thank GOD you posted!! I was thinking that I was the only friggin' person on the planet who didn't see it as a big deal. Her feelings obviously got hurt - but she overreacted and shouldn't have been such a pansy about it IMO.  She should have told us, "Hey - I dont want that up there...will you take that down!" Instead of calling and screaming and yelling and cursing us.  

I just went through all of my Facebook albums - and I actually found the picture in my albums and I didn't even know it was there.  It's been on my Facebook(along with others that I took that day at the hospital) forever.  She just forgot that it was there--as did I.   

 

Well good thing someone agreed with you so you can feel justified with all of it. I hope no one ever offends you and you get upset/over react. Heaven forbid some people get upset over something neither you nor redneck can understand because it wouldn't bother you. Now go back to posting all the complaints about your life as usual.

gisa886

ImThisBabysMom:

Sclines2595:

Redneckmommy2011:

Wow, i cant believe some of the posts that i am reading in response to this!!!!!!! HONESTLY?! Ya your husband pulled a joke on his sister, whoopdie friggin doo. I am #2 of 7 kids in my family and we do stuff like this to eachother all the time. I have two sisters and they are both heavier then i am and they would NEVER act like this if i said something about their weight. It sounds to me like your SIL needs to grow up and learn to take a joke and not be so damn concerned with her looks. I would be embarrassed at her behavior. if her image is that important to her then she shouldnt have a facebook or myspace or whatever. Her personal life should be kept to herself.

I wouldnt judge your husband for playing a joke on his sister, and to anybody who thinks that was an a$$hole thing to do, obviously times have changed enough that sibling rivalry is a thing of the past. Where i come from, it's

considered FUN. People need to get over it. I thought it was entertaining.

Thank GOD you posted!! I was thinking that I was the only friggin' person on the planet who didn't see it as a big deal. Her feelings obviously got hurt - but she overreacted and shouldn't have been such a pansy about it IMO.  She should have told us, "Hey - I dont want that up there...will you take that down!" Instead of calling and screaming and yelling and cursing us.  

I just went through all of my Facebook albums - and I actually found the picture in my albums and I didn't even know it was there.  It's been on my Facebook(along with others that I took that day at the hospital) forever.  She just forgot that it was there--as did I.   

 

Well good thing someone agreed with you so you can feel justified with all of it. I hope no one ever offends you and you get upset/over react. Heaven forbid some people get upset over something neither you nor redneck can understand because it wouldn't bother you. Now go back to posting all the complaints about your life as usual.

I love you. Like a lot. And also, dead.