How to Handle Post M/C Questions

kwilson158

So This past sunday my family went to our Easter service at Church....a few weeks a ago when I first started having complications my grandma requested prayer for me at one of our wed. night meetings...Well sunday this older lady comes up to me and my son and asked "Aren't you having a baby" I politely said "No Mam" and she said "Your grandma said you were pregnant"...I again said "No Mam, I am not pregnant, but thanks for asking" She then said "Well When are you due" I was mortified as this past friday was only 1 week since my miscarriage....

 How do you handle these types of situations...Sadly I didn't want to bust out crying right in front of her so I just grabbed my son's hand and walked away??

sweetiestar

I have had to deal with these questions too, i thought it would be safe to tell people since we saw the babies with heartbeats. i was wrong. Someone came up to me and asked me how i was felling and how the babies were and i just simply stated, i lost the babies. I have had people ask me if i was joking and i said yeah really funny joke huh. most of the time i say i lost the babies, and follow it up with you dont have to say anything because there is nothing to say. and most people respect that. I am sorry for your loss, i hope it gets better. 

kwilson158

It is crazy how some people think and act when something like this happens. They don't really take your feeling into consideration...especially if it just happened. We didn't tell anybody but a small group of really close friends...infact we didnt' even tell our parents until 2 weeks before the M/C....

emjo03

I think this person did not understand what you were trying to say as you were making her think that it never happened.

Your grandma told her (or the congregation as a whole) you were pregnant and asked for prayers.  You said that wasn't the case.  If you had said, "Not anymore."  or, "we lost the baby." or even, "I miscarried."  She likely would have been sympathetic.

 

I realize that many people (even my DH) do not want to tell people about the loss but I don't get that.  It doesn't make it go away.  It doesn't take away the pain.  If you tell someone (or a family member does) about a pregnancy you have to tell them how it turned out.  It's not a dirty or shameful thing.  You had a miscarriage.  It was devastating I'm sure.  I've been there, three times, but pretending like it didn't happen, especially to someone who was asked to pray for you won't make the pain and devastation go away.

((Hugs)) Sorry for your loss.

kwilson158

I'm not sure who all she told...I wasn't in that service.....I guess I just wasn't ready for the questions that come after something like this happened and up until that moment was not even aware that it was told??  I am not ashamed of what happened...I guess with it only been a week after my miscarriage and 3 days after my D&C it was still really fresh and I wasn't able to talk about it to anybody...

You make a vaild point...I guess now I know how to respond if it happens again...Thanks for your advice...

BravoBravo

I just tell them I had a loss and not pregnant anymore. 

heather4hawks

I just tell people "No, that we lost the baby because it was in my tubes. We hope to try again when we get the all clear." That usually answers all the questions and endsthe conversation.