I guess it's my turn

mnj05

I was with my family all of 2 or 3 hours today and we were asked so many times when we are going to have kids. I tried my hardest to change the subject, but no luck there. I haven't told anyone, not even my mother, about our IF much less our upcoming IVF cycle.

How do you get people to stop talking about this if they don't know about your struggles?

tmsetzer83

Luckily, most people have stopped mentioning it to me. But before, I just always said I didn't know. Because I don't.

I know it's incredibly frustrating! I'm sorry your family is being pushy. I think most people have good intentions. If they only knew! Hang in there!

ChrisH22

Ugh, so sorry you had to endure a whole day of that!  I'm with the pp, I usually just say I don't know or guess God will tell me when we're ready.  We did share with the people closest to us about our struggles. But not everyone so we still get asked A LOT, when we're going to have children.  Even my MIL who knows SOME will make comments to others about it. And anytime anyone else announces a pregnancy that just puts the spotlight on us!  Sometimes even when people know they still don't really get it and can say some really insensitive things. 

MrsT007

I usually just try to crack a off joke about it or ask them a weird question to change the subject. Most of my family kind of knows, but not to the point that they don't still make "helpful" comments. And most of my close friends do not know, so I hear it from them all the time. Especially since they are all on baby 3 or 4!!!

Hang in there. Its a personal journey and hard to share. Hope you were still able to have a happy easter.

Excitedtostart

If they don't lay off after a few jokes or a "When we're ready we'll let you know", I just stare at the very pointedly and say "Patricia,thanks for your concern but it's actually very rude of you to ask, and to continue asking. When H and I decide to start a family we'll start a family. And it won't be any of your business until we tell you about it. Back. Off."

I've had to say it numerous times. H's family is stubborn. (rude).

machole513

Excitedtostart:

If they don't lay off after a few jokes or a "When we're ready we'll let you know", I just stare at the very pointedly and say "Patricia,thanks for your concern but it's actually very rude of you to ask, and to continue asking. When H and I decide to start a family we'll start a family. And it won't be any of your business until we tell you about it. Back. Off."

I've had to say it numerous times. H's family is stubborn. (rude).

Nice! This would def work(I would hope)!

JBDamonM

We actually told both families when we got the MFI diagnosis. That was NOT part of our original plan, however literally 14 hrs after we got the diagnosis-  my father in law passed away somewhat suddenly (in his sleep.) it was awful, literally in less than 24 hrs our world was rocked not once but twice. Anywho DH wound up blurting it out to them. I was fine with it though I had told him we could be as open or as closed as he wanted. Since our sisters are friends I then told my family.

I am SO happy it all happened like this though bc now no one asks us anything or makes rude comments. I won't tell them of upcoming treatments (bc I feel like DH and I should get to experience the surprise factor if we ever get preggo) but for now everyone is off our backs.

 Super sorry about your rough day ugh! 

Excitedtostart

machole513:

Excitedtostart:

If they don't lay off after a few jokes or a "When we're ready we'll let you know", I just stare at the very pointedly and say "Patricia,thanks for your concern but it's actually very rude of you to ask, and to continue asking. When H and I decide to start a family we'll start a family. And it won't be any of your business until we tell you about it. Back. Off."

I've had to say it numerous times. H's family is stubborn. (rude).

Nice! This would def work(I would hope)!

Sigh. One would think...

claywalker

Even with both sides of the family knowing MIL still decided to bring up DH being due any day now at dinner today.. I think whether you tell them or not you'll still get the questions from one person if another gets the hint. it's honestly very impersonal IMO. hang in there! 

jessi1988

I was struggling with this as well, so we finally gave in and told my family. Since I started telling people I find myself being honest about it to more people, if they are comfortable enough with me to ask about a personal issue such as IF I figure they should be comfortable enough to hear we are having trouble and facing some tough times. If not, maybe they will think twice about asking people such a personal question.

This is definitely a difficult position to be put in. 

amd1982

We told our families because we didn't want the constant barrage of questions. My family knew first since i confided in my mom and she calmed me down a few times. then we ended up telling my IL because my MIL kept saying "we need a new baby in the family." it still gets hurtful when other extended family members have kids and everyone fawns over the baby. makes me feel annoyed and i know that probably makes me a bad person but i'm being honest. it just sucks. but i have no advice other than to tell you (if you don't feel comfortable confiding in them) that you're working on it. and that's it.

Seagull2012

it's incredibly hard (esp. around holidays) to keep the IF issue or kids question from coming up. My go-to was "we would like to have kids soon, hopefully this year!" that would give them an answer without committing.

But, honestly, it got so stressful hiding my IF and now that i am doing IVF this summer, we decided just to start telling people. The hardest convo was w/ my mom (who had no idea we were TTC'ing, much less dealing with IF) but i felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. and she was incredibly supportive. We are slowly coming out of the IF/IVF closet but i feel we need all the support.

next step: my in-laws. oy vey.