September 2012 Moms
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Good News, Bad News. And I need advice.

The bad news is that my grandmother passed away last night. She has had health problems, but had seemingly been doing very well recently, so we were somewhat surprised. I'm not sure I'm totally processing the fact that she's gone yet. I was never particularly close with her, but I'm obviously very sad.

I woke up this morning with a bad feeling. I thought it was something with the baby and I actually called to find out if they had an opening for an ultrasound at the pregnancy spa. They did, but DH talked me out of taking the appointment. But then my dad called with the news. I guess I was right about having something to dread after all.

I called DH and made him come home from work, and I called the spa back and booked that appointment. I just had to know that the baby was okay, and nothing else was wrong on top of my Grandma passing away. I was also even more convinced that it was a girl at this point and I wanted to be able to tell my dad that we were having a little girl, and we wanted to name her after his mom.

So the good news is that the baby looked amazing at the ultrasound. Strong heartbeat, moving all over, and we even saw all ten fingers! It was amazing!!

But surprise! I'm having a SON! I can't believe it, I seriously have cr@p instincts. I'm still a little bit in shock, partly because I had been convinced for weeks that we were having a girl (and had been working towards getting excited about that as I mentioned yesterday) and partly I just can't believe we know. Until today I was completely prepared to wait until my regular appointment. 

Now I have no idea how or when to tell my family, because I was so prepared to say yeah, I miss Grandma too, but we're excited to name our daughter after her. I don't want to come across as insensitive with exciting (completely unrelated) news while everyone else is grieving. Any thoughts?


Re: Good News, Bad News. And I need advice.

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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  Did your grandmother have a name that has a male equivalent (example Michelle and Michael)...if so that might be an option if you want.  Otherwise, I would wait until after the funeral has occurred...if the family gets together after (I know mine has after each of my grandparent's services) the funeral/meal (if there is one) just as family and is remembering happy times, etc that might be a good time to say it because for most people the funeral/burial brings more of a sense of closure/finality to things.  That's just my opinion though...I am by no means an expert.
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    If it had been a girl we were planning on naming her after my maternal grandmother who passed away right before our wedding. After the news this morning I realized we would absolutely have to include my paternal grandmother as well, even if it meant adding a second middle name. I am named after my great-grandmother who passed away while my mom was pregnant with me, so it would mean so much to me and my family to follow that tradition, had it been a girl. So far we have not come up with any male-equivalent names to work with.

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    Sorry for your loss Sad & congrats on your son Smile

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    I'm sorry for your loss. 

    I would wait until after the services are done to announce. 

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    I'm sorry about your grandma. Congrats on your son! I'm glad your baby was looking great today. :)

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    imagemrsh0606:

    I'm sorry for your loss. 

    I would wait until after the services are done to announce. 

    Agreed.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    I think, with such happy news, it's probably best to wait until after the services before you tell everyone. Grief is such a powerful emotion that you really don't know what kind of reaction you will receive. Some people might be overjoyed to hear such happy news at a difficult time, and on the other hand, some might react out of hurt or anger at your grandmother's passing.

    Congrats on the news that your baby's healthy and a boy! Exciting! :)

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    I am sorry about your loss.
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  Congrats on your son!  I also had crap for instincts- it's funny how you can be so convinced of LO's sex, and be so wrong.  T&P for your family- soon they will be overjoyed at your news with you, but give it a little time.
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    I'm so sorry for your loss! :(

    Unlike PP, I think if your family would like to hear good news then find a time when you are all together to share it. Just not at the actual memorial service. I say this because DH's grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago (just three weeks after his great grandfather passed away). We hadn't announced to family yet aside from parents that we were expecting. I talked to my MIL and told her if she wanted to tell the family while we were all together for the funeral she could tell family. She was so happy because she really wanted to share the good news with everybody as is and it was just that "good news" amongst all the bad news we'd been getting. I was worried it would seem insensitive, but surprisingly most of the family was happy to have that to talk about. I know announcing a pregnancy and the gender are not the same thing, but if your family would like to have good news then I would find an appropriate time when you are all together to share it. Otherwise, I would wait til afterwards sometime.

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    Congrats on the surprise baby boy! I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. I would personally hold off on announcing this news until after the funeral services. This is a time for grieving and reminiscing on good times shared with this woman, nothing should take away from that. Lots of people need this time to have closure and finality with death and the loss of a family member or close friend. 

    That being said, I understand this is also a time when all the family will be together in one place. If you do want to take advantage of that, then I would definitely stress holding off until all the services have been completed and waiting until people are smiling and laughing, telling good stories and enjoying the surrounding company they have in their presence. Good luck. I am sure you will be able to judge when the timing seems to be right for you to announce this exciting news!  

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    imagewatercolor5:
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  Congrats on your son!  I also had crap for instincts- it's funny how you can be so convinced of LO's sex, and be so wrong.  T&P for your family- soon they will be overjoyed at your news with you, but give it a little time.

    I'm sorry for your loss! T&P's for you and your family!

    And I'm another who's instincts were completely off!

     

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    another burp...sorry!

     

    Chase Alexander 12-11-01
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    burp
    Chase Alexander 12-11-01
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    Avery Lyn 8-2-12
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma, but so happy to hear about your healthy baby boy.

    In general, the sex of a baby is really not that big of a deal to anyone but the parents of the baby. So I think it would seem very odd if you announced it at this time. However, I think you can anticipate that people at the services will be curious and ask if it's a girl or a boy. In those cases, I think it's fine to casually tell them you're having a boy. 

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    Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I talked to my mom and let my parents know about the ultrasound. She suggested just waiting until somebody asks if we know what we're having, because somebody inevitably will after the funeral. 

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