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I don't know how much more I can take...

Bethany1026Bethany1026
in Infertility

Tomorrow should be my beta day, but they are closed, so the test was moved to Monday.  I peed on my only test I had in the house this am...BFFN!  I refused to believe it, because when I had my chemical pg last month I was getting + FRER pink lines and - on digitals.  So I drove my crazy a$$ to the pharmacy...thank god for 24hour CVS's!  I peed on the regular FRER, why would I have thought another IVF would work?  Yup, another BFMFN! ...not even a skinny, maybe you might be pg line, just stark white.  So, I might be able to squeeze one more fresh cycle in before my insurance potentially changes... I can't even cry with failed IVF's anymore, I feel like disappointment is the story of my life.

Sorry for my pity party rant!  I hope the remaining lucky clovers are lucky! I must of had a 3-leaf clover instead of a 4-leaf clover. Sad

Anniversary
TTC #1 since 3/10:
DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
Me-34, DH-33
HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
#1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
#2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
New RE 5/12
6/14 Hysteroscopy
#4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
#5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
+ HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
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Re: I don't know how much more I can take...

  • delinodelino member
    I'm so sorry. This journey is so difficult. I wish there was a guarantee for a rainbow at the end of it all.
    3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)
    IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets
    Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • lynn0926lynn0926 member
    All of this sucks! It is so unfair. Know that you are not alone and I am here for anytime! This is NOT the end!????
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • BzeetyDBzeetyD member
    I'm so sorry. It's very hard. I hope you find your 4 leaf clover soon. I'm holding out hope for all of us.
    BzeetyD = 38, Mr. BzeetyD = 44 together 12/02 married 9/08
    TTC #1 since 1/10
    DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues

    Our lil' lost sparks:
    5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
    8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
    8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
    4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013

    Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
    RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal

    Moving on to IVF.

    IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy

    Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
    IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
    FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
    Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14

    After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
    We are so in love with her.

    "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

    Everybody is welcome!!!
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  • angela2004angela2004 member
    You still have 3 more days to your beta... I'm holding out hope for you. {{HUGS}}
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  • MrsNukemMrsNukem member
    I'm so sorry, this is so unfair.  I really hope you get some positive news on your beta day, I will hold hope for you.

    Me:40 AMA, DH:36 0% morph, TTC#1;
    BFP#1 4/2011, MMC 6/2011 11wks Trisomy 13;
    BFP#2 11/2011, CP
    FSH: 17.9, AMH: 2.2
    IVF#1 w/ICSI: ER 4/3: 5R,4M,4F
    ET 4/6 All 4 (1-8A+, 2-8A-, 1-3A) BFP#3
    Two weeks of beta hell = Blighted Ovum
    IVF#2 Aug/Sept: ER 8/27: 4R,3M,3F
    ET 8/30 (1-8A+, 1-6A+)
    Beta#1 9/10: 350; Beta#2 9/12: 796; Beta#3 9/20: 9155
    Expecting Boy/Girl Twins! My babies were born 4/23/13 at 36w1d!

     
     

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  • LeoLaurenLeoLauren member

    Hang in there!!! I feel your frustration but you just never know. Maybe you got a late implanter. Praying for your BFMFP!! :) (((hugs)))

    Me: 34 - low ovarian reserve
    DH: 40 - no issues  

    3 failed IUI's 

    IVF #1 3/12 - 13 eggs, 9 fertilized,  2 transferred (1 grade 2 blast, 1 early blast), no frosties, 3/30/12 - 9dp5dt spotting, BFNs

    IVF #2. 7/12 - 18 days of stims, 3 mature eggs, 3 fertilized (ICSI), 3 transferred (9, 8, 7 cell) on day 3.  First beta - 8/21/12 = 105, beta #2 - 8/23/12 = 268, beta #3 - 8/30/12 = 2,352. 2nd u/s - 9/4/12. Baby Boy born 5/1/2013.

    IVF #3 Now (12/13). AMH is very low - 0.19. ER (12/5) 12 eggs, 10 mature, 7 fertilized using ICSI. 3 transferred (8,8,8 cell - all grade 2) on day 3. First beta - 12/21/13 = 126, beta #2 - 12/23/13 = 400, beta #3 - na (office was closed for new year's). First sonogram - TWINS aka OMG! -  


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  • btaylor19btaylor19 member
    I'm so sorry

    TTC since 2010

    lots of IUIs and 1 IVF all BFNs

    FET currently on hold

    photo guiness-1.jpg

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  • winofairywinofairy
    I am so sorry! {{HUGS}}
    BabyFruit Ticker

    06.10.12 +HPT 06.12.12 Beta #1 = 2,770 06.14.12 Beta #2 = 6,300
    1st U/S 06.18.12 2nd U/S 06.25.12
    09.24.12 It's a Boy!! ---> Jacob Owen

    Our IF Journey Began: October 2009
    **8 Failed IUI's, 1 Blighted Ovum, & 1 Failed IVF**
    Dx: MFI, DOR w/MTHFR Homozygous A1298C & Hypothyroidism
    03.2012 Lab Results: FSH 6.83 AMH 0.67 TSH 3.8 E2 17
    SA 156 million 93% motility 3% morphology

    Follow Me on Pinterest
    **~PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome~**
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  • AJ1280AJ1280
    I'm so sorry you're feeling sad.  No matter how it turns out, hang in there and stay strong--you are definitely not alone!!
    Me: 30 DH: 32 Dx: MFI, low all 3, 1% mot IVF w/ ICSI 3/12 3/12: 25 ER, 15 M, 9 3/15: 3dt of 2 perfect 8 cell embryos= c/p FET of 2 4-day morulas=BFP! Beta 1, 13dp4dt=1331 Beta 2, 16dp4dt=4151 1st U/S 7/9 Please stick baby!! SAIF/PAIF welcome!
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  • brooklynesquebrooklynesque member
    I'm so sorry.  Hoping you just have a late implanter.
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  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    I'm so sorry sweetie. It's so hard to be in the place where optimism and enthusiasm are replaced with anger and the expectation of disappointment. So unfair. Big hugs and know you're not alone. 
    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • rockpaperloverockpaperlove member

    I am so sorry sweetie.  Why does is this so unfair?  Fingers crossed that you will be able to squeeze in one more fresh cycle before your insurance changes...if your beta comes back negative.  I still hold hope for a positive result though.  HUGS!!!

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

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  • 4legsRbest4legsRbest member
    I am so sorry. Big hugs to you!
    Me: 37 DH: 40 TTC since 9/09
    #1 BFP 1/10/11; missed m/c discovered 7w5d
    IF Dx: Endo, hetero MTHFR mutation, poor morphology
    #1 IUI: 1/18/12 = BFN
    #1 IVF/ICSI 4/2/12 = 2 x 7-cell and 1 x 5-cell transferred (3dt) = BFP!!
    H was born at 41w2d on 12/29/12 - be still my heart!
    #2 IVF/ICSI 1/19/14 = 2 x 8 cells transferred (3dt) = BFP!! EDD 10/09/14
    M&W born at 37 weeks on 9/18/14 - I am the momma of 3 boys!!!

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  • lady_chance_99lady_chance_99
    I'm so sorry, that is so frustrating and devastating. I have a quote I really like but feel free to ignore it if it's not your thing or isn't making you feel any better... "God never says no, he says one of three things: "Yes." "Not right now" or "I have something else planned". Now I am not super religious but for some reason that gives me hope, that gives me a sense that I am just waiting for a plan to play out the way that he imagined. I sincerely hope you get your "reason" soon. GL
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  • chels38026chels38026
    (((HUGS))) I am holding out hope that it is still too early for you!
    After 5 TI Clomid cycles, 5 IUIs, and 2 IVFs we finally got our BFP!
    Beta#1 (12dp3dt)= 353, Beta#2 (15dp3dt)= 1466, Beta#3 (22dp3dt)= 14,139, First u/s: TWINS!!
    After 10 weeks of bedrest, our two little ladies joined us at 28w6d
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • jenjen930jenjen930 member
    I'm so, so sorry to hear this.  IVF BFN's are the worst.  (((hugs)))
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  • kmc84kmc84 member
    I'm am so sorry! Praying you get a different answer on Monday!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TTC# 1 since 5/10
    Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
    DX: Unexplained IF
    Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
    IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
    IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
    IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
    IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
    Beta 6/18 BFFN

    FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15

    TTC#3
    IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
    IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
    IVF #7 August 2019-....?
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  • XV11StarXV11Star member
    I am so sorry.  Damn that stupid white stick!!!!!  Angry
    <a href="http://s164.photobucket.com/albums/u17/SossityG/?action=view
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  • JBDamonMJBDamonM member

    So sorry. That is so discouraging.

    I am only in the beginning of my treatments but it looks like I'll be headed to IVF, hopefully in June or July. Maybe we will be cycle buddies!

     Good luck- hoping you get a miracle on Monday! 


    "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
    TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
    IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
    ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
    12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th

    Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!

    Molly Mildred born 03/31/13


    TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast

    Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"

    Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN

    Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle

    Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized 

    1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!

    Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015

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  • StretchadStretchad member

    I'm sorry :-(

     

    (((HUGS))) 

    My Food Blog - Dinner Delish
    TTC since Oct '09
    Missed miscarriage 3/24/10 @ 16 wks, Partial Molar Pregnancy
    Began our IF journey in May '11
    Asherman's Diagnosis (cervical & uterine scarring) - Surgery 8/17/11
    IUIs #1-#5 & 1 canceled IUI, IVF #1, 2 FETs - all BFN
    IVF# 2 December '12, BFP 1/13! EDD 9/21 
    Complete Previa and Short Cervix. C-section scheduled for 9/3
    Delivered 8/5 @ 33 weeks, 4lbs, 6oz. 
    4-week NICU stay, home 9/3
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