We told!-Didn't get the response we expected

Stacy101108

So, this is a few days late...on Sunday was DD's 1st birthday. So, we gave her a shirt that said "World's Sweetest Sister". Everyone thought it was from our dog Sig...as we are always telling him Sig watch out for your sister. Its was really funny. My mom blurted out AWWW how sweet Sig got her a present. Lol!

We told them nope...it's not from Sig. We are having another baby. Everyone then asked if it was an April Fool's joke. Nope, not that either. I heard my MIL say "I hope this is an April Fool's joke" needless to say I'm pretty upset about her comment that she should have kept to herself.

My family was pretty excited...the inlaws weren't so much. I don't understand why. We live on our own, we both work good jobs and they don't help us with anything. DD doesn't really know who they are she sees her cousin who lives in CA more often. H's aunt put a pic on FB of the shirt and had a caption that say Nope this is not from Sig. Which I didn't mind. But my MIL did. She called her and asked her to remove it as my SIL had a miscarriage in January and everyone is afraid to tell her. My MIL asked me to "pretend" like I wasn't PG!!!! REALLY!

I mean I understand that she's going to be upset but how can you ask me to pretend I'm not! What am I supposed to do forget there is a baby growing in me when ever she's around.

I'm just upset with MIL all the way around. She has since emailed me that she was excited and text H to tell him that he can put anything on FB he wants. I don't understand where she get the idea that it's her call to make the decisions on who and where we share our news.

Thanks in advance for reading all this! I had to tell someone!

MrsM2008

She's probably just feels bad for how her daughter will take the news. While I don't agree with her way of going about the whole thing I can understand where she's coming from. But you should have to hide your beautiful baby and act like he/she is not  there that's just silly.

 

gnomemom

I'm sorry this happened! It is really frustrating when others aren't as happy as you are. We are going through something similar...we told our families 2 weeks ago, they didn't respond with enthusiasm, and we haven't heard from them since. We are in our late 20s-early 30s, married professionals with steady income. This was a planned pregnancy. I don't get it.

It seems to me that lots of people will have an opinion about your pregnancy, even if it is unwarranted or when it is none of their business. Strange. You just have to try not to let it diminish your own happiness!

Pixie1225

No worries at all, I would be a bit upset myself.  I do however understand her worry about the other family member, but there could of been another way to approach the issue and not make you feel horrible.  What does your DH feel?

Taylor11

That is a bummer that they were less than supportive, but you really just need to take it with a grain of salt, and move on.  Sounds like you have alot of supportive friends and family, which is awesome and many people don't even have that  

As far as your SIL literally just having a m/c in Jan...  Well, I can relate.  We lost a pregnancy at 8.5 wks back in Nov.  My SIL got pregnant in Dec, and was going to make a huge announcement to a large group of family with me present (she is notoriously selfish, obnoxious, and clueless!).  My MIL was very concerned, and asked her to please not do so, b/c I had been having a terrible time dealing with the loss, to the point I was having scary anxiety/panic attacks, and ended up on Zoloft for a bit to overcome them.  I was having random breakdowns at the mention of a baby and pregnancy, as my hormones were still so jacked up from the loss and D&C.  I knew if she announced she was pregnant with her second, the entire family would razz me, say my clock is ticking, and ask when we planned to have another (this is just how they are, and they don't know about m/c).  So, I can see where your MIL may be concerned about her daughter, but she certainly should still be happy for you!!

As far as hiding your pregnancy around SIL, that is a bit much, and SIL should certainly be able to understand you are excited and act like an adult and suck it up.  I would just be tactful and careful about how much you talk about it around her.  You just never know what she's been through, how many m/c she has really had, how long they've been trying etc, so just be sensitive   It is hard to understand if you haven't been through it.  Congrats and H&H 9 mo!

Stacy101108

Just to be clear...it's NOT her daughter. It's her son's wife...just the same as me. Also, we went to tell them before we told everyone else just so that it wasn't a surprise for them. My BIL asked that he be the one to tell his wife not us.

Taylor11

Stacy101108:

Just to be clear...it's NOT her daughter. It's her son's wife...just the same as me. Also, we went to tell them before we told everyone else just so that it wasn't a surprise for them. My BIL asked that he be the one to tell his wife not us.

Yes, same with me.  I am referring to my SIL who is married to my DH brother, so neither of us are blood related to my MIL.  However, I am closer to my MIL, and she was aware and kind enough, to have the sense to ask my SIL to please refrain from making a huge announcement in front of people that would have a very negative affect on me. 

Yes, I agree you should have DH tell his brother, then he can tell his wife.  Sounds like you are being thoughtful, and this will reinforce to her that you are aware she's having a tough time, and understand how it may affect her.  I am sure she will appreciate that!  Keep in mind she may act like weird or standoffish for a bit, but seriously, just blow it off.  This is an exciting time for you, and I wouldn't let anyone else ruin it!  I have learned people are gonna act how they are gonna act, and if you let everyone's opinion or reaction affect you, it will wear you down fast!

jbrennan312

Awww am so sorry.. <<hugs>> I Would have a talk with MIL to "clear the air "..

MCookie816

Wow! I am so sorry you didn't get the response and excitement you wanted, that is too bad. We told our family the same way; we gave our 2 year old a "Big Brother" shirt at his birthday party. FWIW, I was really nervous about telling one of my closest friends because she had a really hard time getting pregnant with DD #1 and may not have a second due to serious marital issues. The truth is you should be sensitive of other's feelings but you shouldn't let it take away any of your joy and excitement. Good luck! 

LadyNikon

I will never understand why people have to rain on people's parade.  You are not your sister in law.  It's also been months.. not days.. not weeks.. but MONTHS.  They need to understand that life still goes on.  How rude.

 

sarahaaron08

I just have to butt in. It sounds as if your MIL is just worried about her son and DIL who just lost a child. Im sure she is happy for you, but a loss is hard to deal with. You have no idea what their TTC journey has been. Some people are not able to get pregnant quickly and its a mental and physical battle. Sensitivity is key when dealing with pregnancy around infertility/mc. You should be happy you are pregnant and again I am sure his family is also. They are just worried about the other couple.