November 2012 Moms

Cowardly

So, need some advice on how to tell part of my family. My DH and I were high school sweethearts, been together for 7 1/2 years.  We just got married in August, he is graduating college in May and already has a job lined up after that. We weren't planning on getting pregnant right now, I wanted to go back to school, get a decent job etc. But now that its happened we couldn't be more happy. We both feel so blessed.

The issue I'm having, (yes I know I'm a coward) is telling my father and his family. He and his family are so very judgmental, so opinionated, its so hard to talk to them about anything. They didn't want me to get married at all, they want me to be some high powered, independent career woman. Thats just not me. No matter how many talks I have with them, they talk down to me, like I don't know anything about anything.

I know they want whats best for me but asking me if I'm using protection and having the "you don't need to be getting knocked up right now" talk every time I'm on the phone with one of them is just irritating and hurtful.

I know its going to be another fight, I just don't have the energy to do it.

Any thoughts? Am I just being a Baby?  

Pregnancy Ticker

Re: Cowardly

  • I would take an agressive stand with this one.. if they say you shouldn't have let yourself get pregnant I would reply that there's no point in them wasting their breath, it is happening.  Then let them know that the only thing you are still considering is how much a part of your child's life they will play...

    I'm sorry hon, I hope your conversation goes well:) 

     

  • That's really good advice. Thank you. Now I just need to work on being aggressive. LoL
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Loading the player...
  • I'm sure it's hard when you don't think family is going to be supportive. My MIL sounds like exactly the opposite of what you described - before we were even TTC, she bluntly told me one evening that no one in the family would support or help me if I decided to work after having children. Huh? No matter what happens, someone is going to be put out because they feel you're having kids too early, not soon enough, with the wrong person, in the wrong place, with not enough money, etc, etc, etc. If the two of you know this baby is right for you, then try not to let anyone get to you. Confidently tell them in an excited tone, "We're expecting our first child!!" or something along those lines, and if they dare to say something negative, tell them something like, "I'm sorry you're not excited. We're ecstatic, so I'm going to go talk to someone who is excited for me instead of listening to your totally unwarranted criticism."

    Good luck.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • I'm sorry, this sucks.

    I agree with both PP, you must be aggressive and hold your ground. Get bitchy if you need to get your point across. If they seem disappointed, just let them know that it's your choice, your life, and YOU and YOUR DH are on cloud 9 with excitement! Remind them that your a big girl now and this was your choice.

    Im not sure I'd give them the satisfaction of knowing it wasn't exactly expected right now- they don't need to know! Go with the flow, it's happening, it's here and growing, and if you don't want to participate in your grandchilds life, then so be it. Your loss.

    Good luck again, I'm sorry this is an issue.... Let us know how it goes. 

    Those who don't believe in love at first sight, have never given birth
    Big sister meeting little brother for the first time-
    <a href="http://s326.photobucket.com/albums/k409/YellowMiles/?action=view
  • I think the key is in HOW you tell them. Be confident, be excited, and let them know it's something you and DH had been hoping and trying for. Even if it was a pleasant surprise, don't let them know that so they have something to throw back at you.  I hope they come around when they know it's happening. Babies make everyone melt, right? (or is that just pregnant women who want to hold every baby they see?)

    Good luck.

    DS #1 Born: 11/29/12

    LO #2 EDD: 10/20/14 

  • I agree with all PP. Be aggressive, confident, and strong. Stand your ground! I also agree, I wouldn't let them know it was unexpected. You and your DH are very happy and excited about it and that's all that matters. Let us know how it goes! 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • imageDakotaLynGuinn:
    I agree with all PP. Be aggressive, confident, and strong. Stand your ground! I also agree, I wouldn't let them know it was unexpected. You and your DH are very happy and excited about it and that's all that matters. Let us know how it goes! 

    This! And you said in your original message they want you to be a high powered independent woman, so if you present the news just like that, confident, high powered and this as a CHOICE you made as an independent woman, then you may be surprised and find they respect your decision. And if not, screw 'em. Like PP said, babies have a way of making people come around in the long run ;) Come November, I bet everyone will be happy!! 

    Sept 2013 started TTC#2 (never got PP period so hoping for the first egg to drop)
    Jan 2014 - diagnosed POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) and told pregnancy not possible without egg donor because my ovaries would never function again with my hormone levels (FSH 136, LH 98.6, AMH <.03, estradiol 0, HCG 7) - using acupuncture, chiropractic care and TCM herbs / supplements
    March 11, 2014 ovulated despite every doctors prognosis!!!
    Oct 2014 hormones (FSH 48, Estradiol 89, HCG 1) not good, but heckuva lot better!

    Nov. 16, 2015 FET of single adopted 5AA embryo - BFN
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
    image
    Read all about my TCC Journey here in my Blog Taking Back My Ovaries
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"