Waiting to M/C and Scared

klbowie

Yesterday I went into for an u/s to date my pregnancy.  They were unable to find a heart beat.  Now I am waiting to m/c.  This was my first pregnancy and I am scared.  I do not really know what to expect.  I am debating between taking the Cytotec or a D&C.  Leaning towards the Cytotec.  Can anyone tell me what to expect?  How painful and when I will know it is time to pass tissue? And anything else helpful.  Thank you. If I'm going to do the Cytotec I need to start it tonight so I will hopefully be better in time for work.

kristynluvswill

Hi there. I am going through this right along with you. The wait is torture. Do u know approximately how far along you were?  I was 6 weeks and I found out on Thursday that my pregnancy was not viable and my doctor told me to expect to miscarry. I actually just started bleeding about 2 hours ago. So far it's just like a bad period. Cramps, body aches, etc. I spoke to my doc and he said no crazy things are going to come dropping out of me but I have noticed like stringy bown tissue when I pee or wipe. But so far it's manageable. 

I am devastated by this and I've been a wreck for the past 3 days. I'm sure hormones have a lot to do with it. Just hang in there and you will be okay. I'm sorry for your loss. It really sucks doesn't it?  One minute you're peeking at the baby clothes department in target and the next, your dreams are shattered. It's a horrible experience and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Good luck to you! 

klbowie

I was 10 weeks and 1 day yesterday but the baby only measured 9 weeks 1 day. 

It is horrible!! I went in to double check my due date and come out deciding how to pass the baby.  My whole world has been furned upside down.  I feel so bad for my husband and I feel like I am part of the reason he is sad even though I know it's not my fault. 

I had already bought a couple of baby outfits and some diapers.  I'm sorry about your loss too.  I hope things go smoothly for you.  Thank you for taking the time to comfort a stranger.  Means a lot to know someone knows where I am coming from and I'm not alone (unfortunatly).   

 

kristynluvswill

I completely understand where you're coming from and in fact posted a similar post this morning.  I have been afraid to leave the house since thursday because I didn't know if things were going to start gushing out of me.  I just didn't know what to expect and it was literally driving me insane.  and are your hormones making you crazy?  I could not stop crying!  I cried and cried and cried some more.  I just stopped crying in fact when my bleeding started a couple of hours ago.  and the waiting was driving me nuts!  I kept wondering when it was going to start and the knowledge of our dead or dying baby lingering inside me was making me want to crawl out of my skin.  I know it sounds so weird, but once the bleeding started, that anxiety went away. Just knowing it's all about to be over with.

I'm alone too.  my husband is out of town on business so this board has basically been my saving grace.  I couldn't believe all of the complete strangers who reached out to comfort me and it really helped.  Not only are you experiencing something emotionally tramatic, your hormones are throwing you around like a margarita in a blender.  I'm still a little unstable myself, but getting a little better.

Okay enough about me.  You're around ten weeks you said?  Did your doc say you had to have medication to help the mc along? did he say you were too far along to let nature work it's magic?.  I've been reading this board all day long and I have read posts from some girls saying they waited it out and opted not to have an elective d&c and I've read that sometimes it takes weeks for it to start and some saying days (like my case).  I guess it's just individual and what your doctor wants you to do. But hang in there.  And it's not your fault either.  My doc explained to me that it's natures way of getting rid of an error.  There are so many things that happen when that fish meets your egg.  The chromosones are diving, bla bla bla.  If the fish and egg don't like one another, they make a hostile offspring and nature detects that.  So as hard as it may seem (and I'm still trying to convince myself of this at this point too) know that it just wasn't right for some reason.  

I wish you the very best of luck and I hope your nightmare is over soon so you can start fresh. xoxo 

 

beachy6

I'm so sorry you (both of you) have to go through this. I m/c'd 5 years ago and I can still remember the depression. That is totally normal. I felt bad for my DH too because there wasn't much he could do/say to help. As for the pain, I was 8w3d along. My doc gave me narcotic pain meds and I was glad that he did. I am certainly not trying to scare you, but let you know what to expect. Even though the babies are smaller, you still have to dialate and go through the labor contractions. They aren't as bad as labor contractions because the uterus isn't as big, but it still sucks. If you plan on taking the pill and doing it naturally, I'd consider calling you doc (on call) and explain your situation. Don't be afraid to ask for pain meds. It already sucks badly enough (emotionally) and the physical pain isn't necessary if there are meds to help.

 Please know that time will start to heal your heart. I promise. The pain, for me, was pretty raw for a few months. Once I passed my edd and 1st anniversary of my m/c, I was able to start to heal my heart a little. I recommend thinking of something to do to honor your little one. We planted a tree for ours and I can look at it and remember him/her whenever I need to. Big hugs to you and again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

kristynluvswill

Thank you for your story.  Planting a tree is a great idea!  I love it!

I have a pretty high tolerance to pain, so right now, I can feel the contractions, and it hurts, but not bad enough for prescription pain meds at this point. I can feel cramping all throughout my abdomen unlike a period where it's more concentrated in the ovary area.   I have read that it could get really bad as time goes by and I'm prepared for that.   

Anyhow, thank you for sharing your experience.  And beach6...hang in there.  We can hold cyber hands together through this aweful experience.  It certainly helps to know you're not alone. 

klbowie

Thank you so much for your kind words.  All you emtions are the same as mine.  It's good to know I am not crazy and all my feelings are normal! I hope you are doing well physically and hope the emotional healing is soon.

My doctor gave me the option to pass naturally but I work 1 hour from home so I didn't want to be at work and try to get home if it should start then.  And the antcipation of it would probably kill me and waiting potentialy a month for it all to happen isn't something I want to do. 

I agree with the thought of the dead baby in me is freaking me out a little.  I just want to pass the baby and hopefully it will help me in the healing process.

Beachy6 thank you for the kind words and the insight.  This is exactly what I was looking for.  I am worried the tissue will pass while I'm in bed and not on the toilet and I will be forced to look or touch.  I'm scared what it will look like.  The doctor did give me pain meds but I was just curious how intense it would be. 

I am sorry for you loss.  I think I will do something to remember my precious poppy.  Thank you!

kristynluvswill

I meant to say "kbowie" we can hold cyber hands.  Whatever your decision, it will be okay and eventually everything will start to get better.  Not that I know since I'm literally experiencing this as I type, but it has to...right??

Hang in there.  xoxo 

Septmomtobe

I'm waiting to m/c for the third time. This is the first time I knew ahead of time though. My first two were natural with nature doing its job without the help o medicine or medical intervention. I was early on with the first 2 but I will say the pain was more of a discomfort. The first one occurred during my sons birthday party and no one knew what was going on. We only told people about the miscarriage days later as to not ruin my sons party. The pain was uncomfortable but I took Advil and it passed. As soon as the clots passed the pain was gone. My second m/c I was at a training for work more than an hour from home. I had car pooled with staff and could not just leave. This m/c had very little pain and was more like a period cramping. I stayed at the training for 4 hrs after the actual m/c and again no one suspected anything. 

I think it largely depends on how far along you are and even how far along the fetus/baby is. Both times I was a little over 5 weeks. This time the baby was probably about 5 weeks but found with no heartbeat and no fetal pole closer to 9 weeks. I go in on Monday to discuss options for ending this pregnancy. Although ie been spotting on and off for 5 days now there doesn't seem to be any progress on the actual m/c.

This was my experience and everyone is different. I am sorry you both are going through this right now. I'm in the same place as you right now. Although I have had 2 m/c previously this one is all new since its a missed m/c.

Take care of yourselves during this time.  

kwilson158

I actually just m/c friday afternoon...I was almost 8 weeks....We went to the dr. on wed. because I started to bleed but ultra sound showed baby was growing and heart beat....I went in friday morning for blood work to check my levels and later that afternoon it started....It was like having really bad period cramps and believe me when it starts you will know....Bled and passed alot of tissue and clots...sorry if it is TMI....This was my first MC so I am completely devastated and not sure what to expect now....I go back to my dr. on tues to discuss D&C as I am still today bleeding and passing stuff....I don't want to scare you but this is a scary experience...atleast it was for me.... ....

I pray this phase in your pregnancy will pass smoothly and that you will have the support you need around you when it happens.

pamiva1

I'm really sorry for your loss. I just wanted to post to say that I took cytotec for a blighted ovum m/c at around 10 weeks. I was prescribed narcotics as well, but probably did not need them. My experiece with the cytotec went well (considereing) and I'm glad I chose that over a d&c. I took the first dose in the morning and started bleeding about 4-5 hours later. The bleeding got very heavy about 4 hours after that and was painful but not intolerable. I passed all of the tissue about this time (8 hours after the first dose) took another dose and the bleeded got much lighter after that. For me, the hardest part was seeing all of the tissue that I passed. I was probably not emotionally ready for that. If I had to do it all again, I would make the same decision. It was difficult, but the pain was managable and I was able to miscarry at home. I hope everything goes well for you.