My first OB appointment- major vent (long) — The Bump
Pregnant after IF

My first OB appointment- major vent (long)

My first and last at that office actually. I was not impressed!  My OB is not available for appts until May so they had me see a new guy. Okay, whatever.I'm sure he's basically a nice guy, but made me feel dumb with some of my questions and concerns. Hey this is my first pregnancy. I'm kinda new at this. I don't deal with pg people day in and day out like a dr does. Give me a break if I ask a silly question. He wasn't at all concerned with the SCH that my RE saw. And didn't care to do an u/s to check on it or my LO. In fact the only thing he did do was blood work and a urine test. My first exam (not even u/s then isn't scheduled til the last week of April. Okay so I'm suppose to stay on pelvic rest cause we don't know what's up with the SCH? Really? Shouldn't you be a little more concerned besides just saying oh yea it's common and most babies aren't harmed by it. And call me crazy, but one other thing sealed the deal for me in walking outta there and looking for a new OB. (besides the fact they have 8-10 doc's u gotta see throughout your pg and never know who it might be) 

After almost 10yrs of marriage, 5yrs of uterine cancer, and 7 years of failed IF treatments we ended up with a mirable BFP, I've really struggled so much with this pregnancy. I feel almost guilty... as if that hasn't been a major emotion throughout this whole journey as it was. 

My new OB said, don't let anyone tell you that you are IF. You are not. I think he was trying to be encouraging and like yay, way to go. But, it cut me to the quick. I mean it hurt me so badly. IF has been a part of my identity for sooo long. And for someone to look at me and basically tell me that I've been living a lie for almost a decade... really? Tell that to my drained bank account and hard spots in my arse from so many injections. Tell that to the scale that increased over 60lbs from IF drugs, and depression.Tell that to the bitter betty that I became with every passing baby bump in the grocery. Tell that to the mother's days I spent in bed unable to face the world. Tell that to my marriage which took a beating every time I encouraged my husband to leave and find a woman that could give him a family. Tell that to my self esteem which nearly dwindled to nothing feeling like less of a woman and shamed. Tell that to the embie pics and little dishes my potential LO's lived in that are sitting in my dresser drawer unable to part from them still. 

Yes we got a miracle, but IF has and will always be a part of my identity!  

(if you made it this far, thanks for reading/listening) 

Married '02, TTC May '05

Dx -Ute cancer, DOR from cancer treatments, and embryo quality issues. NOV 2010 CANCER FREE
2005-2011= 3 Rounds of Clomid, 5 IUI's, 3 IVF's- ALL BFN's
After 7yrs TTC, 5yrs of ute cancer, and 11 failed IF treatments, we got a surprise BFP! So thankful!

Gemma Grace born 09/30/12

Phillipians 4:6,7

Re: My first OB appointment- major vent (long)

  • Wow!  I am so sorry sweets.  Have you thought about switching OBs?
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  • Oh honey, bless your heart.  That does not sound like the right fit for you.  To be fair, my OB didn't do anything at my first appt either, just PIAC, doppler (I was already 12 weeks) and answered questions.  But I didn't have an SCH or any other concerns other than normal IF person crazies.  It is very important that you feel comfortable with your OB.  Honestly, you would think an OB would be better educated about IF and the emotional toll it takes.  I'm sorry you had to go through all that.  GL finding a new OB, one that isn't an ass-hat.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
     image
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  • Thanks love. Yea I've done some research, read online reviews, and asked some friends about their ob's. Gonna call Monday to try to set up and appointment with a different office. 
    Married '02, TTC May '05

    Dx -Ute cancer, DOR from cancer treatments, and embryo quality issues. NOV 2010 CANCER FREE
    2005-2011= 3 Rounds of Clomid, 5 IUI's, 3 IVF's- ALL BFN's
    After 7yrs TTC, 5yrs of ute cancer, and 11 failed IF treatments, we got a surprise BFP! So thankful!

    Gemma Grace born 09/30/12

    Phillipians 4:6,7

  • kmc84kmc84 member

    *****IFer over here lurking and butting in*****

    First of all congratulations to you on your miracle!!  And secondly, how DARE he!!! Good for you for refusing to subject yourself to that bulls**t! You need to do what is right for you! Best of luck to you! 

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TTC# 1 since 5/10
    Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
    DX: Unexplained IF
    Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
    IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
    IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
    IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
    IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
    Beta 6/18 BFFN

    FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15

    TTC#3
    IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
    IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
    IVF #7 August 2019-....?
  • this post brought me to tears.  I am so, so sorry that your OB dismissed your struggle and your concerns.  I agree, you need to find an OB that will be more understanding.  Good luck finding a better doctor.  :::hugs:::
    S/PAIFW
    Tara & Dave - TTC since September 2006
    PCOS - dx 1999 (amenorrhea) | freakishly long fallopian tubes
    Hypoglycemic | thyroid issues | severely anemic
    Multiple Clomid cycles of 50, 100, 150 - absolutely no response
    Follistim 50/100 | Follistim 75/125 | Follistim 100/150 IUI - all BFNs
    Converted IVF - BFP - m/c | FET - BFN | IVF #2 = BFN
    IVF #3
  • Whoa, none of that is ok. I would be writing a loong letter to the practice manager ASAP and finding a new OB/midwife.

    I am so sorry he was such an ass - it is not acceptable and there are good care providers out there, for sure.

     

    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
    image
  • I'm sorry you had a horrible appt! It's important to be comfortable with your OB so I'm glad you're going to look elsewhere.
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  • imageTJ1979:
    GL finding a new OB, one that isn't an ass-hat.
    Baha this made me laugh! Thanks :) 
    Married '02, TTC May '05

    Dx -Ute cancer, DOR from cancer treatments, and embryo quality issues. NOV 2010 CANCER FREE
    2005-2011= 3 Rounds of Clomid, 5 IUI's, 3 IVF's- ALL BFN's
    After 7yrs TTC, 5yrs of ute cancer, and 11 failed IF treatments, we got a surprise BFP! So thankful!

    Gemma Grace born 09/30/12

    Phillipians 4:6,7

  • Thank you all so much for your support. I feel blessed to have a group who "gets it". Xoxo
    Married '02, TTC May '05

    Dx -Ute cancer, DOR from cancer treatments, and embryo quality issues. NOV 2010 CANCER FREE
    2005-2011= 3 Rounds of Clomid, 5 IUI's, 3 IVF's- ALL BFN's
    After 7yrs TTC, 5yrs of ute cancer, and 11 failed IF treatments, we got a surprise BFP! So thankful!

    Gemma Grace born 09/30/12

    Phillipians 4:6,7

  • Huge (((HUGS))). Of course IF is part of your identity! How on earth could it not be?! Don't listen to that stupid dr. I'm glad you'll be looking for someone else. Just as a word of encouragement, I had a SCH with Grace, and it went away and things were (obviously) just fine! I know it's scary though. I'm so happy for you and your sweet husband. Congratulations, again! Xoxo
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  • Wow.  I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.  I hope your new doc is much more understanding!
    IVF #3 = Feb 2012
    beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
    EDD 11/25/12
    **SAIFW** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You have a PM.
    Stopped BCPs December 2008 TTC since June 2009 6 unsuccessful Clomid cycles Dx Annovulatory due to PCOS January 2010 DH-perfect 4 unsuccessful IUIs Began Lupron July 7 for first IVF IVF cancelled; overstimulation and coasting lead to huge drop in E2 New testing with an Endocrinologist...perhaps a new diagnosis... So, not PCOS but Hashimoto's Thyroiditis November 2010 After a looong break, started seeing a new RE. Gearing up for IVF 1.2. Beta 1=197!! BabyFruit Ticker image
  • Thanks ladies!!!! 
    Married '02, TTC May '05

    Dx -Ute cancer, DOR from cancer treatments, and embryo quality issues. NOV 2010 CANCER FREE
    2005-2011= 3 Rounds of Clomid, 5 IUI's, 3 IVF's- ALL BFN's
    After 7yrs TTC, 5yrs of ute cancer, and 11 failed IF treatments, we got a surprise BFP! So thankful!

    Gemma Grace born 09/30/12

    Phillipians 4:6,7

  • ::hugs::

    I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of that.

    I hope you can find another OB!

    Thinking of you. 

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

  • What a jerk. To tell you that you basically should just act like your IF doesn't exist!

    I had an SCH and felt like my OB was a little dismissive about it, but not like your experience. But I also think maybe OBs just don't always get it. When, my OB sent me to my RE (who was great btw) the last thing he said to me was, "Don't worry, you'll get pregnant." How could he possibly say that? He had no way of knowing that!

    TTC since October 2009
    2 failed IUIs with Clomid
    IVF #1, ER 10/29/2011
    ET 11/3/2011
    One embryo transferred, four frozen
    11/12/2011, BFP, 11/13/2011, BFP, 11/14/2011, BFP
    First Beta 11/14/2011, 499
    Second Beta 11/16/2011, 893
    Third Beta 11/18/2011, 1510

    Lost my dear husband, October 3, 2012. You are the bear of my heart dear, and nothing can take that away.

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