"When are you having another?"

doxiegirl419

Do you get asked this a lot? How about by your in laws or people you do not want to tell about your struggles? What do you say?

My FIL seems to ask in round about ways every few weeks/months and we usually make little jokes or laugh it off, ignore it, etc but it does get very annoying and it tends to feel awkward. I don't want to be disrespectful toward him (though I don't think he is respecting our privacy by constantly bringing this up) but I was just wondering if any of you had some good come backs? We have no plans on telling him what is going on unless we absolutely have to at some point. Giving him information now will just reward him for his nosiness so it's out of the question! LOL

So...what do you say when people ask?

Hnysckl426

I say "maybe sometime" or "eventually". But theses lines don't work as well now that DD is 3.5.  When she was a little bit younger it worked better.  I have started saying " we like how easy things are right now". And people usually stop there.  

 I hate the question! 

byrne15

To strangers/co-workers, etc, I would say, "we aren't sure", "someday", etc.

Luckily, my mom never asked.  In fact, I finally told her about our struggles on my 19th cycle.  My FIL would make comments about giving ds a play mate and when he is going to get another grand child.  I would just fake laugh and feel all weird.  Eventually DH told him we were going through some treatments and he left it alone after that.

Sharon216

I HATE THAT QUESTION!!!  Although, truth be told, I am sure I once asked the same thing.  :-(  It's only natural to be curious so I try not to get too upset when people ask.  For the most part, they don't know they are being insensitive.  I have on occasion made a few people feel pretty shitty for asking though... a girl at work that I'm not fond of asked me the day I got AF after our 3rd IUI attempt and I practically bit her head off.  I said something along the lines of, "I'm not sure.  We have been trying for a year and a half.  I'll be sure to keep you posted if I finally get pregnant again."  I'm quite certain she won't be asking that question again (hopefully not to me or others!)

I have tried to educate my friends too.  Most of my close friends know all the details about what I'm going through and are very supportive.  I can't imagine any of them asking someone "when are you having a baby?"

We haven't told our parents anything yet and fortunately they haven't asked.  I am hoping MIL doesn't ask because she sometimes gets under my skin and it's likely I'll respond in a less than friendly way.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

JMay

I usually said "as soon as God allows it" or something along those lines.  But honestly it's been so long that no one asks anymore.   

emjo03

You do not have to give details and unless he's in the medical field I doubt that he'll want to know much.  If you're religious tell him that it's out of your hands or that you are waiting for God to decide when to bless you with another child or something like that.  

 

 If not just say whenever it happens it happens.  

 

Maybe I'm an over sharer.  I understand that it is very emotional for your.  However, it really is a very typical question.  After a wedding people want to know and when the first kid hits 1 year old or so people want to know when.  I prefer that people know that I'm struggling with it.  That way they have (hopefully) a little more compassion about the situation.  

JenScott-4-09

I hate that question too! I get asked all the time now. We finally told our parents and a few of our closest friends now that we are on our first IVF cycle. But to everyone else, I usually just say "We are thinking about it!" and leave it at that.

brideonjuly8

I got it a few times before we started trying again, and then it didn't bother me in the least (obviously, since we had no clue I had any issues). But since I've had 2 m/cs, 2 surgeries, it was pretty hard to keep all that under wraps. 

We didn't know we had lost our last baby until our 12 week appt, so all my family had known by then (and I was super bloated, and it showed). They all know about my miscarriage now obviously, so that's kept the question from being asked by people who know us.  I haven't gotten it lately from anyone else or a stanger, but if I did I'd probably stumble over it, try my hardest not to cry right there in front on them, and say "Oh, when God wants it to happen" or a "We'll see".

AprilDrew04

JMay:

I usually said "as soon as God allows it" or something along those lines.  But honestly it's been so long that no one asks anymore.   

This is what I usually say.  Most of our friends and family know what we are going through so they don't ask.

SigmundsGirl

My friends and family know that we needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with DS, so we don't get that question from them. To other people who don't really know us I usually say, "Oh, we're working on it.' I hate to say it but I kinda hope that answer makes them uncomfortable.

Alliebooberz

I usually say "It's not up to us."

TeacherMer

I get asked this all the time as well. Hate it.

When someone asks if we think we'll have another, I usually say, "Hopefully."  I feel like that implies that we are having difficulties and it tends to end the conversation (which is what I usually want).  So awkward.  Ugh.

 

notkateanymore

I get that question all the time and for about the last 6 years...6 YEARS! Finally people have stopped asking...but only after I threw out the PPD answer. LOL It always shocks them.