Late Term and Child Loss

dumb things people say...

A little back story... The choral group that I was in during high school is having a reunion concert tonight.  I'm seeing a lot of people who know about the baby but haven't seen me in a long time.  None of them have said a thing (annoying).  However my best friend from HS is also in the group with me and she's been around right along.  We've had many discussions about the baby and how I'm feeling etc.

So today we're singing a song that has some lyrics that are deceivingly light hearted (you know, like how London Bridge is a nursery rhyme, but really is about something much more disturbing).  This led to a discussion about other songs like this.  She says, "Rockabye Baby is like that, too, if you think about the lyrics.  But that was from a time when babies died all the time."

What?!  So once there was a time when "babies died all the time", but now it's ok because it's just mine that died?  And does the fact that babies died all the time when the song was written make the song any better?  Like it didn't matter as much when a baby died?  I really don't even think she knows what she said or how insensitive it was.  She just went right back to rehearsing.  I on the other hand had to sing the last 3 songs holding back tears.  I wish that people could feel this pain just for a second.  Maybe then they would think about what they were saying!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


Re: dumb things people say...

  • I'm sorry, mama. That's just yucky.

    I've heard so many cringe-worthy things, and honestly I don't think people even think for a second that they just said something stupid. Then I try to cover up my emotions so they don't notice anything, which is probably equally stupid. But it's like- I'm hurt already by what they said, I don't want to make it worse by having a breakdown in public.

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  • I can compleatly relate!! I have to say the past 10 days since I've lost my girls I've almost been shocked on how strong I've been. I've prayed alot which has helped me grieve. However today....I felt shattered. My husband's grandma said the dreaded words..."it could have been worse." My in-laws stated, "oh we are paying for the girls creamation, let us know how much when you pick them up." its a pizza. Other little comments here and there today have just...burned so much more than previous days.  Obviously my wounds have opened a little today...I suppose we will all have our good and bad days no matter how long out angels have been gone.
    Me:28 DH:30 TTC since 8/2011 BFP 12/5/11 Spontaneous fraternal twins EDD 8/16/12 Loss at 19 weeks 5 days due to I.C. and preterm labor. 1st D & C 3/23/12, 2nd D & C (due to retained tissue) 5/18/12 which resulted in a perforated uterus and hematoma). TTCAL since 9/2012. Mackenzie Grace & Sydney Adelle our sweet angels. May you always fly together. 3-22-12.
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  • Ugh, why don't people think??? For me, it's so hard when those moments occur because I either have to suffer in silence since I'm so caught off guard that the words don't come or else I end up feeling worse when I say something to the insensitive person. I don't want to be this bitter, sensitive person who is offended by comments that would have otherwise been normal but aren't even close to normal for us now.

    At lunch last week a coworker who has 2 kids (baby and toddler) mentioned that her ride to work was so nice because her DH brought the kids to daycare and she finally got to ride to work alone and in silence. I said, "I'd give anything to not have to ride alone in silence everyday." She cringed and apologized but then I felt bad for making her feel so awkward. The word "silence" really triggered the anger in me. We bought our new SUV 2 weeks before we lost the twins and every time I get in there I look in the back seat and am devastated that there were supposed to be 2 car seats back there and there are none. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I wish we could always have a loss mom close by so we could protect each other.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    IVF #1 BFP b/g twins!; loss at 23 weeks due to I.C. and PTL. IVF #2 BFP 5/26/12; due date 2/6/13; TAC surgery 7/20/12, blessed with another girl & boy! 

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