Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

"waiting" for a miscarriage to take place and going insane

After 3 years of attempting to get pregnant, with the help of chlomid and good timing, it finally happened for us!  I'm 6 weeks pregnant and up until a couple of days ago, I was doing what every newly pregnant mom was doing:  Stalking this website, looking at baby names, imagining a new baby in my arms, etc.  Well, because it took us so long to conceive, my doctor has been closely monitoring my hormone levels.  I have had my blood drawn every 4 days since the date of my last period.  Until two days ago, everything was progressing the way it should and my doctor called me with good news.  Well this past Thursday, I woke up and literally lost all symptoms of pregnancy.  I didn't experience any morning sickness, but my boobs were extremely sore and very sensitive to the touch.  I have a very high tolerance to pain, though, so at first I just thought it was my body adjusting to better handle the sensitivity.  I was also a little tired and hungry, but that morning...nothing.  I had an appointment scheduled later that day for bloodwork so I figured if anything was wrong, I would know about it soon and I didn't think much of it.  Well later that night, my doc called to inform me that my progesterone dropped WAY down and my pregnancy hormone stayed the same from 4 days prior (It should have doubled).  He said that a miscarriage was going to take place.  He explained that the fetus mostlikely didn't develop properly and my body is preparing to expel the pregnancy.  So I went from browsing baby names to square one.

In the meantime, my husband had to leave the state for work yesterday and I'm here all alone.  I literally (and I mean literally) have not stopped crying since Thursday evening and I feel so completely deflated and this sad feeling is consuming.  I'm sure my hormones changing has something to do with it, but I am so sad that I feel like body is heavy and it's difficult to even move.

It's like torture knowing that the baby we so desired and worked so hard to conceive is literally dying inside me and there is nothing I can do about it.  I don't have any symptoms of a miscarriage happening any time soon.  Physically I feel great.  My doctor didn't offer a d&c as I think he's waiting to see if nature takes it's course.  But in the meantime, I am here all alone just waiting to have a miscarriage which is exactly the opposite of what I thought I would be doing today two days ago.

It's so discouraging and my faith is definately being tested right now.  I feel like god is cruel.  TV ads with babies makes my stomach turn and I realize I sound like I'm wallowing in self pitty, but for once in my life, I feel like I have the right to be selfish.

Anyhow...this sucks. 

Re: "waiting" for a miscarriage to take place and going insane

  • Thank you for the advise.  I'm a really strong person, typically, but this is unbearable.  

    I'm sure that my doc will call me on Monday to discuss my options.  I went in yesterday to have more blood work done, but since it's the weekend, I probably won't hear from him until Monday, so I guess I just have to wait it out.  In the meantime, feel like such a mess because I can't stop crying.  Like seriously I figured by now I would stop.  It's almost involuntary.  I'm sure the fading hormones have something to do with it. 

     Anyways, thanks for replying.  I appreciate it more than you may know.  You're a complete stranger to me but it helps knowing that I'm alone.  Oh..and I'm sorry for your loss as well. 

  • I'm so sorry for you loss k. The pain that this causes really is unbearable. The involuntary crying will happen right now- i was uncontrollable for a solid week. Now it happens to me randomly but I've definitely calmed down a bit. It's sad and it's hard and I'm sorry your H is away and you have to deal with this alone...although this board is a bunch of  "strangers" we are here for each other and it does help. Coming here to vent has kept me sane and has probably kept my DH sane as well since i've tried to let it out here and not on him all the time. 

    I know the waiting is the hardest part- i only waited for 3 days when i found out but those three days felt like an eternity.  It is best if it happens naturally though, although the waiting can be really hard. I'm happy i opted to wait. 

    BIG ((HUGS)) to you!  

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  • (((hugs)))

    Im sorry for your loss - I hope you find closure soon. 

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
    BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
    BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
    <3 Baby Boy Born 8/22/13 <3
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  • Thank you so much everyone.  I have never posted on a board before.  I'm a pretty private person, but I have to say, this is like therapy for me.  I hope you don't hate me for saying this, but it feels good to hear your stories and to know that I'm not alone.  I would never wish this on anyone, but it helps for some reason to know that I'm not the only person experiencing this.  It also helps to hear that this whole crying thing goes away because seriously, I don't know how much more I can take.  Ghese.  Thank you again.  Hopefully a cuddly, warm baby is in future.  Obviously right now was not the time for some reason and I am trying to wrap my mind around that fact.  I now just have to figure out how to get past being mad at god.  I feel like he's playing a cruel joke on me.  My faith is def being tested.  3 years and finally a positive pregnancy test and then this.  It's simply crushing.

    Anyhow, I'm sorry for all of your losses and wish everyone the best. 

  • Just FYI. My miscarriage started about an hour ago. Feels like I'm having a worse than normal period. Nothing crazy.... No gushing blood or dramatic fainting, etc. although I am devastated I'm just glad it's almost over so I can move on. 
  • imagekristynluvswill:
    Just FYI. My miscarriage started about an hour ago. Feels like I'm having a worse than normal period. Nothing crazy.... No gushing blood or dramatic fainting, etc. although I am devastated I'm just glad it's almost over so I can move on. 

    Thoughts and prayers for you!

    DS born 7/4/2007 TTC#2: 01/2012 | BFP: 02/07/2012 | EDD: 10/18/2012 | MMC: 03/22/2012 (10w0d) D & C: 03/23/2012 Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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