3rd Trimester

DH is in bad trouble

So DH neglected to tell me his friend from Kansas was coming up...with a dog. It's an American Bulldog. 

He didn't tell me this until like...oh 2 hours before the guy shows up.

I am beyond pissed! They want to go out to eat and see a movie. I hope they don't assume I'm taking care of this dog, because it's not my problem. I think it's rude to impose on us and even if the guy did talk to DH before hand, DH is in a world of trouble for not okaying it with me which is in no way okay! Not to mention this guy is a smoker so I want to vomit just passing by him in the house.

Also the dog has already growled at me for no reason. I was sitting in the recliner talking to my friend on the phone with Bravo on the tv and it came into the living room and growled at me.

If it does it again, I'm leaving and DH can enjoy a) sleeping with his friend and his friends dog and b) the hotel bill because I will go to the Marriott and stay there until my doctors appointment Monday and he can go to shove it where the sun doesn't shine! Also he can enjoy me going to the spa to get a manicure and pedicure too because I'm 9.5 months pregnant and I don't need to deal with this crap! 

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Re: DH is in bad trouble

  • Ya if my DH did that him and his friend would be the ones seeking a hotel! That is VERY rude of your DH....you should also splurge on room service!
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  • I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.
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  • I'm pissed about it all together. MIL is a counselor so we will be calling her and talking to her about this crap so DH can realize that it's not okay! I'm trying to be cordial because I don't know what type of notice this guy gave DH anyways. But all together it's just a hot mess!
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  • image Josie22:
    I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.

    I agree.

    Plus, weren't you leaving your H anyways??

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  • image ImThisBabysMom:

    image Josie22:
    I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.

    I agree.

    Plus, weren't you leaving your H anyways??

    We were at that point, but then we both sat down and talked it all out and we were able to get counseling to work out our issues. So things got better and we haven't really had any of those issues until this. I'm a zero tolerance person, so I don't put up with BS. 

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  • image Josie22:
    I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.

    This. But, wouldn't the hotel bill technically come from your wallet too since you are married?

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  • The motel/spa idea sounds wonderful. I am so mad at my DH but the only catch is if I did that he would respond by going out and spending double that on something else. 

    Make sure you treat yourself to some nice meals while your at it. 

  • image Christina_Diane:

    image Josie22:
    I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.

    This. But, wouldn't the hotel bill technically come from your wallet too since you are married?

    I'm not working right now and he makes good monies, so it would be all on him!

    However it didn't go that far. I went downstairs to go do laundry. The dog growled and barked at me. The owner got his dog and tried to restrain it as I went to go get my cell phone. It was growling the whole time...so I went upstairs and I yelled for DH to come up stairs...We went out to the deck and I told him how it was. 

    The dog is leaving and I don't give an eff! Point blank, this is my home, I live here and I'm not putting up with that. I don't know why in the hell he would assume it was okay when I'm 9.5 months pregnant and due any day, but I hoped they weren't staying the weekend or they would have a serious problem because it sure as hell wasn't going to be at my home!

    DH explained that they were waiting for the lady who normally takes care of the dog up here to get home. Him and his friend just wanted to go out to eat and go see a movie. That's all. He was not staying the weekend or the night or anything, just wanting to hang out with a friend and that he didn't have any where to go with the dog.

    I told DH I don't care if he's waiting or not. He could have boarded the dog at a kennel back where he lived or talk to one of the places here and had it all done. Our city is the biggest one in the state, so there's no excuse. Also that's imposing on us and it's rude! It's not like his friend didn't know I was pregnant. I'm not dealing with this crap. This dog just had a 9 hour trip before it came to our house. This is a new place, new environment, new people and new smells. The dog is going to assume that it needs to protect it's owner because it also hasn't been trained well at all either, or so that's my opinion. (It's an American Bulldog) I told him that dog could seriously hurt me and Pnina and I'd like to know why he thought it was even remotely a good idea....

    Well DH had hung out with the guy and his dog before...and I told him that HE had been around them before, not ME. I'm pregnant and I don't need the stress and anxiety because he made a bad assumption and his friend has piss poor planning. It's not my problem he needs a place for his dog to stay because he should have thought about that before he ever bought the dog. It's called being a responsible pet owner. It's not my dog and it's not my problem, nor is it DH's. I get he was trying to help out a friend, but seriously now we have to go back to counseling more than what we do right now because it gives me anxiety as to what he will assume is okay for our daughter. Ugh!

    But I'm still going tomorrow to get a mani and pedi! 

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  • image Chelsey68:

    The motel/spa idea sounds wonderful. I am so mad at my DH but the only catch is if I did that he would respond by going out and spending double that on something else. 

    Make sure you treat yourself to some nice meals while your at it. 

    I think I will do that too tomorrow! I will eat an extra piece of desert for you! Okay maybe it will all be desert since my stomach is so small right now! 

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  • You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   
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  • image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   
    Yeah, definitely a DH problem -- I don't see blaming the friend unless he surprised your DH by showing up at his door with the dog!

    And you keep saying it's an American Bull Dog like that makes the situation especially horrible...  

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  • image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   

    This. I can understand being pissed at your H because of the lack of communication, but it sounds like there are some deeper seeded issues here because I can't understand such an extreme reaction. I actually wasn't even going to respond to this post until I saw you post that you were going to call his mom. SERIOUSLY? Stop being a cray-cray and calling his mommy on him. That will not solve anything. Sounds like you both need to grow up and communicate better.

    On a different note, I'm glad you were able to talk to H briefly and it seems like he really didn't have bad intentions. I'd wait until later when the friend is gone and talk to him about it more in-depth. FWIW, I would've been irritated about the dog too... 

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  • image Blue Pansy:

    image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   
    Yeah, definitely a DH problem -- I don't see blaming the friend unless he surprised your DH by showing up at his door with the dog!

    And you keep saying it's an American Bull Dog like that makes the situation especially horrible...  

    I agree with this, especially with you mentioning the dog's breed like it is the end of the world.  

    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
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  • I'm totally lurking, but I give this whole post an eye roll. 
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  • image KFCupcake:
    I'm totally lurking, but I give this whole post an eye roll. 
    Same here.

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  • My in laws did that to me when I was 9 mos pregnant w/ DD and I pitched such a fit, I told my husband to tell them to get a hotel room! They wanted to come "vacation" at my house when I was ready to pop any day!  
    loren
  • I get that my DH was stupid and assumed it was okay, so it isn't the dog owner's fault. I think it's a penis owner thing because he and DH assumed that it would be okay. However it wasn't well planned out by either one of them and no one bothered to check with me. However the dog owner had a kennel for his dog so when it started growling at me, he could have kenneled it. He chose not to.
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  • image Blue Pansy:

    image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   
    Yeah, definitely a DH problem -- I don't see blaming the friend unless he surprised your DH by showing up at his door with the dog!

    And you keep saying it's an American Bull Dog like that makes the situation especially horrible...  

    It's not at all! I don't believe any dog is bad, it's bad owners for the simple fact the dog is doing what it naturally does unless taught other wise which is why if you're not going to commit to training a dog and the time to socialize them, you shouldn't own one. Or that's my opinion about it anyways.  

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  • image JennyJensing:

    image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   

    This. I can understand being pissed at your H because of the lack of communication, but it sounds like there are some deeper seeded issues here because I can't understand such an extreme reaction. I actually wasn't even going to respond to this post until I saw you post that you were going to call his mom. SERIOUSLY? Stop being a cray-cray and calling his mommy on him. That will not solve anything. Sounds like you both need to grow up and communicate better.

    On a different note, I'm glad you were able to talk to H briefly and it seems like he really didn't have bad intentions. I'd wait until later when the friend is gone and talk to him about it more in-depth. FWIW, I would've been irritated about the dog too... 

    His mom is a counselor in the area and I get that I blew up over it, but I also have a lot of trust issues and it's not about telling his mom. It's about I have issues and I don't understand why and I know I need help trying to get over it, but he also needs to realize that what he did wasn't kosher either. 

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  • ooooh, the marriott sounds great!!! nice indoor pool?  Do it! I couldn't stand that smell in my house either- smoker and dog (i love dogs, but not after they've growled at me!).
  • image MotherMonster:
    I get that my DH was stupid and assumed it was okay, so it isn't the dog owner's fault. I think it's a penis owner thing because he and DH assumed that it would be okay. However it wasn't well planned out by either one of them and no one bothered to check with me. However the dog owner had a kennel for his dog so when it started growling at me, he could have kenneled it. He chose not to.


    Umm, no. He asked his friend if it would be okay presumably and your H said yes. I think this is entirely on your husband and so should you. It's your house. It's your husband's house.

    Even if his friend just showed up out of the blue along with his dog, your husband is still the one without the backbone to tell him he couldn't stay there or to bother saying "Hey dude, not cool to spring this on me."

    All of that said, I would be hugely annoyed by someone bringing a dog into my strange home with a bunch of strangers and expecting that it's okay to leave the dog out with me while he's gone for hours -- especially in light of the growling while he was there.

    I also agree it's rude to show up along with a pet, find out that wife didn't know about it, and then just dump the dog on the wife without asking if that's okay and running off to the movies.

    At the end of the day, your husband is still to blame. Nothing you've said indicates he didn't know that his friend and dog were coming. He decided to give you only two hours notice. I don't think involving your MIL or even your mother is a good idea in any marriage.
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  • Every post I read from you makes me wonder if you're for real or not. You're the one that flipped out over your H tipping the pizza guy like $5. I'm thinking there are some major issues in your marriage and I would recommend going to any counselor that is not your MIL. That's asking for more issues.
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  • image MotherMonster:
    image JennyJensing:

    image HappyMama2011:
    You have every night to be pissed at your H.  But all his friend did was show up somewhere he thought he and his dog were invited to be.   

    This. I can understand being pissed at your H because of the lack of communication, but it sounds like there are some deeper seeded issues here because I can't understand such an extreme reaction. I actually wasn't even going to respond to this post until I saw you post that you were going to call his mom. SERIOUSLY? Stop being a cray-cray and calling his mommy on him. That will not solve anything. Sounds like you both need to grow up and communicate better.

    On a different note, I'm glad you were able to talk to H briefly and it seems like he really didn't have bad intentions. I'd wait until later when the friend is gone and talk to him about it more in-depth. FWIW, I would've been irritated about the dog too... 

    His mom is a counselor in the area and I get that I blew up over it, but I also have a lot of trust issues and it's not about telling his mom. It's about I have issues and I don't understand why and I know I need help trying to get over it, but he also needs to realize that what he did wasn't kosher either. 

    It is great that you realize what your issues are and that you need help. But you should keep your MIL out of it and talk to another professional.  She has too much history with your H, you and your relationship.  From a professional standpoint, she should tell you that she has a conflict of interest and suggest other therapists. 

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  • >_>

    This situation has nothing to do with the friend. he didnt do anything wrong. you can be mad at your husband all you want to, but stop blaming this situation on the innocent. He was invited by your H, end of story. 

    Now the friend will probably never want to come around again because your husband has a hormonal angry mess for a wife.  

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  • image MotherMonster:
    image Christina_Diane:

    image Josie22:
    I'd be more pissed about the guy coming from out of town, then him bringing his dog. Who does that? Especially when you could have a baby any day.

    This. But, wouldn't the hotel bill technically come from your wallet too since you are married?

    I'm not working right now and he makes good monies, so it would be all on him!

    Just because you aren't working doesn't mean that the household income isn't shared money.  

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  • This is totally off topic, but how do you pronounce Pnina? I want to say pee-nine-ah, but I have a feeling that's not right...
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  • Reguardless of his mother being a counselor, it is not the smartest move to involve inlaws in your marriage. If you need to seek therapy then I suggest a 3rd party not involved. That is what is good about therapy. She may be a couselor but she was his mother first! Do yourself a favor and find a therapist that isn't related to either of you.
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  • My MIL has a PhD in psychology and I would never ask her to referee my marriage it really is way out of line to use her to deal with this. I also think you may want to take a look at how you react to things. Its pretty harsh to say your zero tolerance even with your husband its his home too and at the end of the day people are people and they make mistakes.
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  • image ttimmerman:
    This is totally off topic, but how do you pronounce Pnina? I want to say pee-nine-ah, but I have a feeling that's not right...

    I say it like panini, but with an uh at the end.  

    i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
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  • image gisa886:

    image ttimmerman:
    This is totally off topic, but how do you pronounce Pnina? I want to say pee-nine-ah, but I have a feeling that's not right...

    I say it like panini, but with an uh at the end.  

    Oh, you're probably right!

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  • So this guy comes from out of town to hang out with your DH and your flipping out because you are left with the dog at the house for a few hours??? And that justifies leaving the house and spending money on a hotel when they aren't even spending the night??? As a dog owner, I can attest to a pets uncanny sense of character and I am not at all surprised it growled at you...you seem like quite the ***.
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  • image RaeJ004:
    Every post I read from you makes me wonder if you're for real or not. You're the one that flipped out over your H tipping the pizza guy like $5. I'm thinking there are some major issues in your marriage and I would recommend going to any counselor that is not your MIL. That's asking for more issues.

    Yeah, just FYI she was doing this all along on our BMB (March) and it's most of the way through April so...I'm going to go with probably not for realsies.

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