Emotions are all over the place
I hope you all don't mind, but I needed a place to share some of the mixed emotions I have been feeling about finding out I am pregnant. First, a bit of history. I miscarried in November and it was my first time ever being pregnant. When we found out last time, we told everyone almost immediately and we were both excited and everyone was sharing in our excitement. Then we lost the baby (blighted ovum-found out at first u/s), and had to untell everyone. We were both very sad, and our families of course were disappointed and sad as well.
So now that I am pregnant again, we are waiting to tell anyone (even family) until we know the pregnancy is viable. We plan to tell our families after my u/s on 4/16. Ever since I found out, I have been an emotional wreck. I am nervous all the time, fearful of being a parent, wondering if I will be a good parent, fearful about how my relationship with my husband will change once the baby gets here, etc...
I have always wanted a child, and am grateful that I was able to get pregnant so easily, but for some reason I can't seem to get as excited as last time. I feel like maybe I am putting up a wall in case I misscarry again. Like I am steeling myself against the hurt and not allowing myself to get excited and in turn have become fearful. I don't know that I am making much sense because right now because none of my emotions make sense to me.
I also think that keeping it a secret is taking its toll on me. I have always been one to need a support system, and right now it is just me and my husband that know (and my sister because she guessed). He is very supportive, but I kind of need to talk to women (like my mom, best friend,etc) that can help quell some of my fears.
I feel horrible for not being more excited and almost second guessing myself. My problem is that I think way too much and it affects my daily life. Any thoughts, advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks !
Re: Emotions are all over the place
I had the threat of miscarriage hanging over my head from 5w until...well, I never really shook it until recently...like this last week, between 31 and 32, is the first time I've gotten a little excited. It's hard to bond with your pregnancy when you're scared of losing it, and I know that's a big part of why I couldn't be happy about my Alien. I was terrified if I got attached to him, I'd lose him.
There's no way not to dwell on it, unfortunately. Everything you're worried about is NORMAL. And, not wanting to tell friends and family is, too. However, I recommend telling at least one close friend. My BFF was a huge source of support during the first tri, and I know I would have needed that comfort had I miscarried.
For the PP: There is no one I admire more in life than my sister or any other woman who has lost a child. I watched my then 19 year old sister say goodbye to her three month old son when we lost him to SIDS. I say, "we", but it was really her. (hugs)
You sound like you need a hug and a cup of tea! (sorry, from the south and we hand out hugs like handshakes in my family)
I think everything that you are feeling is normal being pregnant can really be such an emotional roller coaster! I think about things way too much as well and try to keep my mind focused on other pursuits so that I can keep myself out of trouble. Do you feel comfortable talking to your sister at all? I have to say that growing up my sister and I weren't close at all and we are totally different people but man, she has really pulled through for me during my pregnancies. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have to lean on at times.
Of course the H tries his best but is there something to be said for having that close girlfriend, mom, sister to talk to about things.
Take it day by day and April 16th will be here before you know it!
This!!!
I never miscarried, but after trying for years with no results, I could hardly believe the HPTs ...and I didn't want to tell ANYONE. DH of course blabbed it to the world, so that took a little pressure off of me.
Try to relax and stay positive. Sending lots of T&Ps and sticky baby dust for you this time around!
All I can do is say that we are here anytime you need us. I am sending ya hugs and comforting thoughts!!
I have to admit... it sounds as if you were writing this post on my behalf... I am going through the same exact thing. I am such a nervous nitty right now, i think that is what is actually making me sick!
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past two years. They have all been right around the 5 1/2 week mark, I assume because of my age (41), I'm sure that it had to do with not developing correctly, etc. Now, very unexpectedly, I have found out that I am pregnant. I think I am around 6-7 weeks(I actually wasn't paying attention, because my hushand and I were considering our next options, IVF, adoption, etc.Then this!) I so badly want to be excited, however, every twinge, cramp, bathroom break, etc. my heart rate goes up and anxiety goes rampid!!
The only one that knows is my husband. The last pregnancies, we didn't even tell our family until after the fact. So of course, all I recieved was sympathy. So I have no idea what to do this time!?
All of our family is coming into town over the Easter holiday. My husband doesn't want to say a word, but my gut is telling me to tell them. But it is soo early. I don't want to tell everyone else, and it has been shear torcher to keep it from my BFF.
I am so frightened to even go into the doctors for blood tests, as I don't want to know the numbers. Is that horrible??
So, this was absolutely no advice for you, because I find myself in the same exact position, however, the only thing I can offer, is to say go with your gut. Family can be supportive, in either aspect.
I wish you all the best in the upcoming weeks and months. With a warm hug, and safe and healthy wishes for you -