When Do the Egg Shells Break? — The Bump
Pregnant after IF

When Do the Egg Shells Break?

As evidenced by my total meltdown yesterday over my progesterone levels, I'm a complete basket case since I graduated from the RE.  I think knowing I won't be able to check in on the baby as often anymore is really getting to me -- it's still SO hard to believe things aren't going to fall apart.

How did you ladies deal with the transition?  When did it stop feeling like you're surrounded by egg shells?  Was it when you started to feel the baby move?  When your uterus popped and you had physical evidence there was a baby in there?  Did buying a fetal doppler help?  I'm making myself crazy, and I'd love to find a chill pill!   

The Table Has Shoes (and Other Ambiguities)
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Me = lean PCOS;DH = poor morphology (3%)
3 IUI/TI cycles = BFN
IVF #1 with ICSI: antagonist protocol = BFFN
IVF #2 with ICSI : Lupron downregulation = BFFN...FML
IVF #3 with ICSI and AH (Antagonist) = IT'S A BOY!!!!

dumbledore


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Re: When Do the Egg Shells Break?

  • Just know you are not alone!! I am eager to see the responses to you post. I feel like each appointment I am preparing myself for and expecting the worst.  I hate it!!!  I had a total meltdown yesterday over my hcg levels.  Right there with ya sista!

    image
    After 6 long years of TTC and a traumatic birth... I finally got to hold my baby in my arms!

    'Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.'Psalm 37:4

    2006 start TTC

    2007 Start w/ RE (Endo and MFI previous marriage)/ 2008 Vericocele surgery/3 clomid cycles
    2009 Lap removed stage III endo/ 2 failed IUI/ Divorce

    2011 Remarried
    October 2011 Dx: Endo & DOR/ November 2011- clomid & TI cycle
    January 2012 IVF~  Flare protocol 10 ER/ 9 mature fertilized with ICSI/ ET- 2 Grade A Blasts/ 4 frozen= BFN
    Febuary 2012- -Endo Biopsy/  MTHFR diagnosis
    March 8- FET 2 grade A blasts= BFP!!!!

    November 2012-  Charles was born by emergency C-Section

    Dealing with:
    Stage III Endo/ DOR/ MTHFR two mutations C677T & A1298C

    Currently TTC #2  FET planned January 2014

  • I can completely relate, I was freaked out by everything at the beginning and there's a large portion of time that's too early for a doppler heartbeat or movement and you're not showing that are just hard to deal with, especially given all it took to get here.

    At the beginning, I took comfort in the symptoms, everytime I felt gross or tired or couldn't eat enough bagels I realized that it was because things were still happening. We looked into getting a doppler but never did because I was worried I wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat one day and lose my mind. I won't say it always gets better, but each step helped a bit, a normal test result or u/s.

    However, hitting viability day and feeling her moving around all the time has been a huge mental leap for me. I am still worried about pre-term labor or when I don't feel her move as much, but I now know that doctors will do what they can to save her and that a glass of juice and laying on my left side usually gets her kicking. I feel more in control of it all.

    Good luck, and I wish you just enough symptoms to give you peace of mind! I think we protect ourselves from getting too excited, at least I know I did!

    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • I'm glad you posted this. I also have no major symptoms, so that doesn't help to reassure me that anything's actually happening. I keep telling myself that if I can make it out of the 1st trimester, I'll allow myself to feel good about things, but I'm sure I'll just find something new to worry about at that point, too.

    Oh, and please pass along any chill pills you happen to find. I told DH, and I'm serious, that I wouldn't mind being totally sedated for the next 8 months until it's time to deliver!

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  • The doppler really helped.  I started to hear DDs heartbeat at 9 weeks and I think I used it everyday to help calm my nerves.  

     

    I felt my first kick at 16w5d  :) 

    dx'd with severe endo and poor egg quality 3 IUIs were all BFN IVF #1 = c/p IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = beautiful baby girl born 2/2011; 8/2011 Surprise BFP - natural m/c at 8w; TTC #2 2011-2012; 2 IUIs = BFN; IVF #1 = BFP 9dp5dt beta = 328; 11dp5dt = 650; 13dp5dt = 1114; 18dp5dt = 4747 BabyFetus Ticker
  • I don't know that they ever really go away, but the doppler has definitely helped me. Anytime I have a bad dream about the baby, I can check for the heartbeat right away - hugely relieving. Symptoms tend to help, as well as just going to the OB and having her tell me that everything looks great, that I'm a regular, normal pregnant lady. I have definitely chilled out, while my husband has gotten more high strung :)
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  • imageSloane99:

    We looked into getting a doppler but never did because I was worried I wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat one day and lose my mind. 

    This is the exact debate my husband and I are having about the idea of a doppler.  If I can't find the heart beat, I know that would only make things worse!

     

    The Table Has Shoes (and Other Ambiguities)
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Me = lean PCOS;DH = poor morphology (3%)
    3 IUI/TI cycles = BFN
    IVF #1 with ICSI: antagonist protocol = BFFN
    IVF #2 with ICSI : Lupron downregulation = BFFN...FML
    IVF #3 with ICSI and AH (Antagonist) = IT'S A BOY!!!!

    dumbledore


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • it's hard to say. the transistion was definetly tough but sypmtoms remind you something is going on and keeping yourself busy makes the time go fast. i personally didn't get a doppler because i knew if i couldn't find the hb it's be speeding to the er every time. and you really can't reliably find it until the baby is a little bigger. you just pick milestones and when you get there you celebrate. once the second tri comes it does get better because your chances of mc decrease significantly. try and focus on how awesome it is to be pregnant (i know easier said then done) it's the curse of IF.
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  • I feel the exact.same.way.  I am a nervous wreck.  I'm not usually a negative person yet I can't stop thinking that something is wrong.  I'm nearly 11 weeks and I still haven't had any symptoms so there's nothing to softly reassure me that things are moving along and that there is actually a baby in there.  It is hard to believe that I could be pregnant and feel this normal.

     I went to my first OB appointment on Tuesday and I desperately wanted them to use the doppler or give me an u/s, but no.  Instead they did an exam and took a ton of blood.  Meanwhile the doppler was sitting there, two feet away, staring at me.  It's free people, just give it a try!   I can't believe they go to the expense of running all the tests without even confirming that there's still a beating heart. 

    I think it's easier for women who haven't experienced IF to think that things will be just fine.  We had such a hard time getting here that we're always bracing ourselves for something to go wrong.  I find myself doubting my body's ability to stay pregnant since it didn't seem to want to get pregnant in the first place. 

    I'm also scared of getting a doppler and not being able to find the heartbeat.  It's so tempting to order one but so terrifying at the same time.  For now, I've chosen to stay away.  Instead I'm counting down the days to my NA scan and trying to grab onto some of my husband's confidence that everything is okay. 

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  • My first sigh of relief was when we did the NT scan -- it was the first u/s I had where you could actually see the baby moving around and it really looked like a baby in there.  The weeks until then were really hard and I had a million meltdowns.  

    Making it to 15 weeks was my second benchmark -- for some reason, I had it in my mind that if I made it to 15 weeks, things would probably be ok. 


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  • This is me.  I was released from the RE on Tuesday and have already spent yesterday in the ER.  Granted it was because I shocked myself plugging in my cell phone.  We had another ultrasound and both babies looked good and had great HBs (160/161) but now on top of just being generally worried, I am worried there is going to be some after effect from the shock. 

    I spoke with the midwife today but won't see her again until 4/30.  I will be almost 12 weeks then... I don't know if I can make it without driving myself crazy with worry.  I am being referred to MFM but I don't know when they are going to want to see me for a first appointment, it could be even after the next midwife appt.  I am considering buying a doppler but am not sure it that will make be more stable or more crazy!


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    We welcomed our girls on 11.7.12 @ 40w0d!
    Emerson Lily 6 lbs 13 oz & Ellis Willow 6 lbs 9 oz

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  • I feel exactly the same. Im a nervous wreck.  I just want everything to feel real but Im so afraid to let it and then something happens.  My RE said that I should let go of SOME fear after the first ultrasound - but that you can never be 100% sure.  But thats a good milestone early in the pregnancy.  So Im trying to let myself relax a little after Monday.  Good Luck!
    TTC Since 2009 3 IUIs (with Injectibles) = BFN IVF #1 = BFN IVF #2 = BFP Beta #1 401, Beta # 2= 1127, Beta #3 3900 Ultrasound 4/2 HB 143 bpm! BabyFruit Ticker
  • I don't think it ever ends...until you are holding your baby in your arms.  And then your worry switches to keeping them safe outside of the womb.

    ~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
    My IF blog
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  • I was a really big mess the first 8-10 weeks.  Then I started getting really sick and my fears started to fade a little.  I guess, in a way, it is somewhat reassuring when you feel like absolute refried crap that there really is something going on in there. I still hate being sick, though. After my NT scan and I got through the first tri (and my chances of m/c went down to like 0.5 %) is when I really started to feel relieved.  Somehow, even my worries about Fragile X (which is not something most people have to worry about - I'm a carrier) went down.  Now I truly just *feel* (most of the time) like I am going to have a healthy baby.

    However, with that said, I have never had a loss before so I am willing to bet that those with a previous loss never feel 100% secure.

    IF DX: DOR & Fragile X pre-mutation carrier
    2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
    BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
    Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
    BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014

    May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
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  • If you find a chill pill, pls share it with me!  I'm only one day ahead of you in terms of EDD, and every day trickles by like eternity.  I try to keep myself busy (easier said than done, esp when I'm addicted to TB!) and just take it one day at a time.  My last u/s was 2 wks ago and my next one won't be for another 3 wks!  It'll be my NT scan/1st tri screen, and FX that comes back normal - I think by that point I will really feel a first sigh of relief. 

    I mentioned to DH about a doppler, perhaps asking his friends if they had one that I can borrow.  But then, we haven't announced yet so he didn't want to ask.  DH doesn't want me to get one, and rationally, I know I should not get one.  I think the doppler will just drive me crazier - plus - the most important thing is that getting a doppler will NOT change the outcome of the pg.  Whatever happens, happens.  Apart from IF, I suffered a m/c last year, so this time around I'm even more worried.

    GL to you!

    TTC since 10/2008  RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF

    Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI

    3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c. 

    Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN

    Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23  EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~

    Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
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