Should I go?

lillinzlou

I've written before about my cousin that I'm really close to. We were about 9 months into TTC #2 when she got married. Well, she got KU on her honeymoon and is being induced today. Her pregnancy hit me HARD. I've gotten over it, for the most part, but I never imagined that I wouldn't be pregnant by the time she delivered.

She lives 3 hours away, with the rest of my extended family, and wants me to come visit her and the baby this weekend. I would love to, but I'm kind of not feeling it, given my failed IUI. Should I wait a couple of weeks or should I just put on my big girl panties and deal?

AprilDrew04

If you are really not feeling it, then maybe just wait a week or two.  You could tell her you want to wait a few weeks to give her a chance to get some rest and to make sure she is not overwhelmed by guests.

If this were a close friend I would wait.  If it was my sister I would go, but only for a really short visit.  Also kinda depends on how far you have to travel to visit her.  If she lives nearby you could pull off a short visit, but if she lives far away all the more reason to wait.

beachy6

I don't know much about your personal story with your cousin, as I've just joined this site, but I do know about infertility and dealing with others. What I've realized over the last few years is that when we deal with infertility, we worry about how our infertility effects other people, (ex. your cousin's baby's birth) but we don't ever expect that others need to understand our feelings. While a baby is an amazing thing, it's where all of our pain lies, also. What if you sent her a gift with a personalilzed card and told her that this weekend isn't the best. If you feel that she would understand, explain why. Otherwise, tell her you'll be in to visit in a couple of weekends.

 My very best friend had her baby shower on the due date of the baby I m/c'd. I just couldn't bring myself to attend her shower. I made sure to explain why and sent her a gift. She completely understood. I think we expect ourselves to deal with infertility in a way that is super-human. Infertility brings feelings that we never expect, like not wanting to see a baby. Weird seeing as how all we want is a baby! But, it hurts. And, we're allowed to hurt and give ourselves time away from others when we need it! Does that make sense?

mrs25

Agreed, Beachy6.  Everything I've read about dealing with infertility says you should be honest with friends/loved ones around you.  If you can't handle it you shouldn't go, and maybe you should let her know why you aren't coming.  Life's too short!  Just because you don't go doesn't mean you don't care or aren't happy for her.  Sometimes you just have to survive.  Hope you feel good about whatever decision you make. 

sgrobste

I think you need to do what you are comfortable with. One thing I learned from my therapist is that it is ok to not do things I am not up for and sometimes it needs to be about me. So if I were you I would do what you are comfortable with and it is ok to make s decision last minute. Big hugs :) 

JMay

I agree - if you're not feeling it, or if it feels too difficult to go, wait a while.  Let the sting wear off a bit.  Also, if everyone will be visiting and "ohhhing" and "ahhhing' over the baby, you might be better off visiting some time when it can be just you.  I've found that smaller gatherings are better for me, especially if the baby is the focus of the gathering.  You can always tell her you can't wait to see the baby but feel you will be of more help once all the buzz dies down.  She may just appreciate having a visitor once everyone else has gone back to life.  YKWIM?

lillinzlou

Thanks, ladies! I think I am going to wait. It would be totally awful if I was visiting her and started bawling or something. I think it would be worse to do that than to wait a week or two. You all are the best. Thanks!

brideonjuly8

JMay:

I agree - if you're not feeling it, or if it feels too difficult to go, wait a while.  Let the sting wear off a bit.  Also, if everyone will be visiting and "ohhhing" and "ahhhing' over the baby, you might be better off visiting some time when it can be just you.  I've found that smaller gatherings are better for me, especially if the baby is the focus of the gathering.  You can always tell her you can't wait to see the baby but feel you will be of more help once all the buzz dies down.  She may just appreciate having a visitor once everyone else has gone back to life.  YKWIM?

All of this.  ((hugs))