Surprise baby shower?

lizztheo

I think MIL is trying to throw me a surprise baby shower. She has not mentioned a word about wanting to throw one but she's made a Facebook event for "save the date" with a photo of me and my husband, and Facebook invited about 50 people. I am a bit upset because my mother wanted to throw a shower for me and I'm okay with having two but I feel like I got no say in this. What about friends I'd like to invite? She got mad about my bridal shower because all her friends weren't invited (the person throwing it wanted to keep it small around 20 people--her two best friends we did invite, didn't even show up and MIL and SILs were all late). Is she just trying to one up my mother? How do I approach her? Help!

kelnyc

#1 What makes you think she's trying to one-up your mother?

#2 Showers are traditionally a surprise, so no a shock that you'd have "no say in this." She'll ask your husband or BFF or someone for your friend list.

#3 You do not approach her, and this is a completely separate event from your bridal shower. Maybe she wants to throw it so her friends get invited this time. What's wrong with that? MIL is throwing me one at her house and inviting her girl friends... as she should!

heathert1981

My suggestion would be to just roll with it and let her throw the shower for you the way she wants and then if your  mom would like to throw you a shower you can have more say in it. Consider yourself lucky that you will have multiple showers : )

babyruth88

kelnyc:

#1 What makes you think she's trying to one-up your mother?

#2 Showers are traditionally a surprise, so no a shock that you'd have "no say in this." She'll ask your husband or BFF or someone for your friend list.

#3 You do not approach her, and this is a completely separate event from your bridal shower. Maybe she wants to throw it so her friends get invited this time. What's wrong with that? MIL is throwing me one at her house and inviting her girl friends... as she should!

this exactly. and you should be happy to get multiple showers. you wll get alot of stuff for the baby

mlf625

kelnyc:

#1 What makes you think she's trying to one-up your mother?

#2 Showers are traditionally a surprise, so no a shock that you'd have "no say in this." She'll ask your husband or BFF or someone for your friend list.

#3 You do not approach her, and this is a completely separate event from your bridal shower. Maybe she wants to throw it so her friends get invited this time. What's wrong with that? MIL is throwing me one at her house and inviting her girl friends... as she should!

Ditto.  Maybe just try, oh idk, being grateful?   

SGC29

I wouldn't say a thing. I'd be grateful that she is putting in the effort to plan this for you and enjoy your day. If your mother wants to throw you a shower with her side of the family/friends then this should not impact that at all. A baby shower is not the same as a bridal shower, this is her grandchild too and if she'd like to honor him/her just smile and be thankful for it.

lizztheo

She didn't make sure the date was okay with me or my husband or family. My mother is going to be out of my town and we had a hospital tour & meet n greet scheduled that day as well. I am grateful she wants to throw me a shower but it just really hurt my feelings that she didn't even make sure my mother could be there and she posted it on Facebook without even telling us and making sure the date worked for us. She was more concerned with her family being able to attend. She called my mother after I got really upset and was incredibly rude to her. She cancelled the whole thing and is doing a birthday party for family instead (what she was originally going to do but decided to change it to a shower). I'm sorry if I came off as rude and ungrateful, I was just really hurt that she didn't even check the date with me or family. 

kyleeduke

lizztheo:

She didn't make sure the date was okay with me or my husband or family. My mother is going to be out of my town and we had a hospital tour & meet n greet scheduled that day as well. I am grateful she wants to throw me a shower but it just really hurt my feelings that she didn't even make sure my mother could be there and she posted it on Facebook without even telling us and making sure the date worked for us. She was more concerned with her family being able to attend. She called my mother after I got really upset and was incredibly rude to her. She cancelled the whole thing and is doing a birthday party for family instead (what she was originally going to do but decided to change it to a shower). I'm sorry if I came off as rude and ungrateful, I was just really hurt that she didn't even check the date with me or family. 

Sounds like she was trying to do something nice for you. Yes you soundungreatful.  but, since it is cancelled no worries right?

dreambig527

If anyone is throwing me a shower,  it's a complete surprise and I have no idea when the date is. I  haven't heard a peep about anything.

My family is pretty huge so it's not unusual for a shower to be thrown just for friends or just for in laws and the n one for just my family. 

 Sounds like she was just trying to do a nice and thoughtful thing, and frankly if I was her I'd be pretty hurt that you got so upset over it rather than being thankful about it.

 

 

lizztheo

hibiscus29:

I have actually never been to a shower of any kind that was a complete surprise for the individual, so i don't agree that most showers are surprises.  I know people throw them, but i don't think they are more common than a shower someone knows they are getting.  Look at the number of people on here who know all about their showers.  For those that do intend to throw a surprise shower, you should absolutely check with someone who is familiar with the guest of honor's schedule to see if it works for them...I have birthing classes and a hospital tour coming up plus two scheduled showers already...if someone threw me a surprise shower, what if they picked a date already taken?  I am surprised everyone is piling on the OP.  Yeah, it is nice for someone to throw you a shower, but as the planner, you should still keep the GUEST OF HONOR in mind when you are planning it.  It is common courtesy.

 

Thank you. I did not mean to come off as ungrateful at all, she never mentioned a peep about wanting to throw me a shower until it's suddenly an event on Facebook (apparently not a surprise, just didn't decide to check date with anyone). I found out my mom was not planning on throwing me one but now she decided too because she wanted to be able to attend one.  I did not tell her she had to cancel hers, when I called her back she had already decided to just switch it to a birthday party for an aunt and not throw me a shower. My MIL and my mom do not get along so it was mainly a conflict between them and as my husband put it "everyone's feelings were hurt". I will never post questions like this on here again because everyone seems to just jump to conclusions about the whole thing but I guess it was also impossible for me to post the entire story involved. 

brandyleighxx

Tell her you saw the FB event & wondered if it was for the baby shower because, if so, you have a list of people you'd like to invite. Or.. leave it be, let her throw it, & your mom can throw a separate one with your side of the family & friends?