19 and don't know how to tell my mom that im pregnant

newmommyhun

hi everyone i just found out im pregnant yesterday, im only 3 weeks and im just wondering how am i going to tell my mom. she's really hot headed like she goes off all the time im so scared because i don't want her to yell at me and/or put me out. my plans are to carry the baby to term but that's the only thing that is bothering me. i just know my mom is going to go off, does anyone have any advice i know its early but i still want to have an idea of how im going to tell her.

jmebook

Boy that is tough. Without knowing many of your circumstances, one of the first things that came to my mind was that it would be good for you to approach her with a soft heart rather than a defensive one. So you could maybe come with understanding of how this might be or feel to her. Yet at the same time, you can't change what is - you being pregnant. So maybe just be straight forward and up front about it yet mature in your willingness to empathize with her in the situation too. And of course you also can't control her response so she just might need some time. You might have an idea of how you would HOPE for her to respond and then when that doesn't happen it could be disappointing. The main thing that I think could help the situation is to simply be soft to her rather than hard. There is nothing that makes parents get more "hot headed" than a rebellious teenager or young adult child who is unwilling to hear out the struggle of the parent as well. This really could be an opportunity to exercise some new muscles of maturity in relating as two adult women...

festivusforme

Honestly, my parents would have kicked me out. I would make plans for in case that happens, that way you don't have to try and figure it out if that is what she does. 

Just be brave and honest. Don't take mean comments to heart. You can also wait to tell her. At 3 weeks, it is still VERY early. Work on a Plan B, and wait to tell her until A. you start showing, B. your symptoms become very obvious or C. 2nd trimester. 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

JMack827

festivusforme:

Honestly, my parents would have kicked me out. I would make plans for in case that happens, that way you don't have to try and figure it out if that is what she does. 

Just be brave and honest. Don't take mean comments to heart. You can also wait to tell her. At 3 weeks, it is still VERY early. Work on a Plan B, and wait to tell her until A. you start showing, B. your symptoms become very obvious or C. 2nd trimester. 

this, definitely have a plan B, and wait until you know the pregnancy is viable.

munchkinmommy09

Honesty is best here.  Wait to tell her until you are comfortable, but you may have to tell her before 2nd tri.  Will she be more mad that you waited to tell her?I would go with a simple statement, "Mom, I know this may be hard to hear, but I am pregnant."  Let her react and see where the conversation goes.  You never know--her reaction may surprise you. 

sparkplug06

She may also surprise you and be very supportive, but as pp's have said make sure you have a plan B. Have some where. where you can go if she does freak out. I would tell her sooner then later because if she is supportive she maybe able to help you get the best help for the baby, and it will give you some stress relief of not hiding that huge secret anymore. Good luck! 

kg_08

I'd just tell her. Yeah she may be mad, but it's one of those things that most people get over. Maybe ask her if she'd like to go with you to your first appointment and make her feel involved?

Whatever her reaction, you can handle it.

PolishWonder

I think it's terrible advice to wait until you have viability. You'd be 24+ weeks by then!

You're an adult, so if you don't have insurance, look into it now. Planned Parenthood and most states can help with prenatal care. Make sure you're taking a prenatal vitamin. (Sorry if I'm being insulting if you are already doing these things or have insurance. Just giving all areas of advice.)

I agree with other posters that you shouldn't go to your mom defensively. Maybe wait until after the first ultrasound to tell her. Seeing a picture of a little body really can melt one's heart.

Good luck to you!

leiainoz

First off, ((hugs)) because I know you probably feel pretty overwhelmed right now.

It is hard to answer a question like this because none of us know the sort of relationship you have with your mom. I know if I had been KU at 19, I would have felt like my parents would have killed me. In retrospect, I think they would have been disappointed, but I honestly believe that they would have loved and supported me (while still asking me to become a responsible adult and future parent). 

I personally would encourage you to confide in someone (a responsible, stable adult) who you trust, whether that person is your mother initially or not is up to you, but I do think you should have someone who is supporting you and helping you, and who can help you brainstorm for real, practical Plan As, Bs, and Cs for how you will go through the next 9 months and beyond. I also think you should be getting the best prenatal care available to you, and that probably means looking into your (or your mother's) insurance plan and seeing what is covered. Eventually - and I would personally lean toward sooner rather than later - you will need to tell your mom. Like others have said, don't be defensive. Try not to jump to too many conclusions about how you think she might react. Be honest. Tell her your decision.  Ask her if she will go with you to your first appointment, even.  

I'll be praying that your talk with your mom goes better than you're expecting, and that you find positive, encouraging, and responsible people who will support you through the nine months ahead. Best of luck!

newmommyhun

jmebook:

Boy that is tough. Without knowing many of your circumstances, one of the first things that came to my mind was that it would be good for you to approach her with a soft heart rather than a defensive one. So you could maybe come with understanding of how this might be or feel to her. Yet at the same time, you can't change what is - you being pregnant. So maybe just be straight forward and up front about it yet mature in your willingness to empathize with her in the situation too. And of course you also can't control her response so she just might need some time. You might have an idea of how you would HOPE for her to respond and then when that doesn't happen it could be disappointing. The main thing that I think could help the situation is to simply be soft to her rather than hard. There is nothing that makes parents get more "hot headed" than a rebellious teenager or young adult child who is unwilling to hear out the struggle of the parent as well. This really could be an opportunity to exercise some new muscles of maturity in relating as two adult women...

 

thanks i really need the advice and i was going to just tell her and shut up and listen lol but my intention was to be soft hearted because i know my mom and we have a good relationship but know she's going to be mad/dissapointed soo i really just dont want to deal with her yelling thats just something i can't deal with

kross605

I agree with pp that trying to understand your moms perspective and be sensitive is a good way to start. I personally would tell sooner rather than later Because I would be so stressed carrying that secret around and I'd be afraid she'd find out through gossip, a health insurance bill, or some other mistake that would start of on the Erin foot. Also, making her feel like you know you may have disappointed her but you want to be responsible and need her help--that might soften her. Good luck. You will be fine. God never gives you more than you can handle. 

newmommyhun

festivusforme:

Honestly, my parents would have kicked me out. I would make plans for in case that happens, that way you don't have to try and figure it out if that is what she does. 

Just be brave and honest. Don't take mean comments to heart. You can also wait to tell her. At 3 weeks, it is still VERY early. Work on a Plan B, and wait to tell her until A. you start showing, B. your symptoms become very obvious or C. 2nd trimester. 

thanks ive been saying im going to wait but everone else keeps telling me the sooner the better so i can let that one stress bubble pop but idk what im going to do yet but i do have someone on hold just in case she does put me out

newmommyhun

leiainoz:

First off, ((hugs)) because I know you probably feel pretty overwhelmed right now.

It is hard to answer a question like this because none of us know the sort of relationship you have with your mom. I know if I had been KU at 19, I would have felt like my parents would have killed me. In retrospect, I think they would have been disappointed, but I honestly believe that they would have loved and supported me (while still asking me to become a responsible adult and future parent). 

I personally would encourage you to confide in someone (a responsible, stable adult) who you trust, whether that person is your mother initially or not is up to you, but I do think you should have someone who is supporting you and helping you, and who can help you brainstorm for real, practical Plan As, Bs, and Cs for how you will go through the next 9 months and beyond. I also think you should be getting the best prenatal care available to you, and that probably means looking into your (or your mother's) insurance plan and seeing what is covered. Eventually - and I would personally lean toward sooner rather than later - you will need to tell your mom. Like others have said, don't be defensive. Try not to jump to too many conclusions about how you think she might react. Be honest. Tell her your decision.  Ask her if she will go with you to your first appointment, even.  

I'll be praying that your talk with your mom goes better than you're expecting, and that you find positive, encouraging, and responsible people who will support you through the nine months ahead. Best of luck!

thank you for the hug i really felt that

newmommyhun

hey yall thanks for all the advice i really appriciate it and thanks because all the other teens websites i went on they were saying their moms were proud of them and stuff and i know my mom is going to be mad im just going to tell her soon i just have to figure out how to say it and when. i know its going to be soon because it is kind of stressing me out soo yeah i have to do something.... and thanks again you guys this really helped :-))

Sporkmoostipe

Making sure you have a plan in place of 1. if she reacts badly 2. how to handle your pregnancy and what will you do with the baby after will help with your stress level.

I commend you on doing what you're doing. My sister was in a similar situation to you. She told my mom when she was about 10 weeks pregnant and while my mom reacted badly at first, my nephew was seriously one of the best things to ever happen to my family.

My sister kept the baby (obviously) but she did look into adoption. You have to do what's best for you and for your baby. Make sure you take prenatals, drink lots of water, rest. Make sure you have someone you can confide in because it will help you a lot, especially when things get stressful.

Your mom can react in a thousand different ways. But the most important thing is how you react to her; be calm, don't right, explain what your intentions are.  

PolishWonder

Definitely please let us know how it goes! This is a supportive group of ladies.

newmommyhun

<a href="https://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=mommy-multiples&utm_medium=ubb&utm_campaign=badges"><img src="https://images.thenestbaby.com/badges/tb_sig_poppyseed.gif"></a>

gabeminamom

I  agree with these ladies.  I will tell you my personal experience.  I got pg very young and I did have an A.  I kept it secret from everyone including my mom. A few years later I came clean and told her what I went through and how horrible it was.  She was very upset, because I never came to her and ithurt her to know I had to go through that alone.  She told me no matter how bad anything was, or hurt her, she would be by my side.  My mom passed at 54 4 years ago.  How Imiss her and appreciate all she done for me.  She was right there for my 2 pregnancies.  I really wish she was here for this one.  Good luck, but in the end..I promise it will all be ok.

Brittanykay15

Check on the internet and see if there are any "Pregnancy Care Centers" or "Crisis Pregnancy Centers." Many of them are supported by lots of churches, etc. that offer lots of free services. I never had a "surprise" pregnancy but I decided to go because they offered free pregnancy tests and I wanted to be sure. I am glad that I went because they offered  me many free classes for new moms to be, free books and literature on pregnancy and they had counselors available to talk about anything and everything and I am sure could be beneficial to you. As for telling your mom, it is up to you when to tell her. 

I have never been in that situation, but if you are only three weeks and you really think your mom will respond negatively (you know her better than we do) it may be better to wait a few weeks at least. Heavy stress can be harmful to the pregnancy. I would definitely tell her before your first trimester is over, though. Since most people don't even find out they are pregnant until later (around 5 or 6 weeks) I think you can at least have a little time to find someone you know will be a support in case your mother isn't. 

Good luck! I will be sending prayers your way!