epic fail moving to big girl bed... help!

racampbell1

We put together T's big girl bed on Saturday (I had taken her shopping for bedding, to make it exciting).  We left the crib up in her room, but placed the new bed where her crib was.  She seemed really excited about it and asked to sleep in the big girl bed.  Our normal routine is bath, jammies, story, rock for 10 minutes at most, then lay her down and she goes to sleep by 7:45 at the latest.  Well, we tried all that, and FAIL FAIL FAIL. 

She won't go to sleep until 10pm, screams when we leave the room and comes running after us.  Out of desperation, we laid down with her finally and got her to go to sleep.  Then snuck out.  Which was okay until 3 a.m. when she woke up and freaked out.  This happened for 3 nights.  Last night (night 4) DH slept in her room.  We can't keep this up, I'm due in less than 8 weeks   Suggestions?  I'm not strictly opposed to doing cry it out intervals (start with 5 mins, increase to 10 mins, etc.) but the problem is we live in an old craftsman house, she can easily open the door and come running out.  Use a gate?  I don't want to be super harsh, but I think this has turned into her "wanting" us to be in there with her, versus that she's scared.  We have a guard rail on the bed (and its a lower bed), so if the little booger would stay in bed, she wouldn't roll out.  TIA!

 

vanverth

Since Michael and I are in agreement that he is staying in his crib until he is 12 I don't have much advice (JK).  I would put up the gate.  And be ready to ride the crying and screaming wave.  She is not old enough to reason with and I just think she likes you there and is developing the habit that you have to be there for her to go to sleep.  Hang in there mommy.  It will get better, right when you are ready to have another baby to keep you up all nigth. 

BrideBuddies

Whoa... it's only been a couple of days.  This takes a LOT of time and patience.  Heck, we still have our battles and it's been 6 months (sorry to tell you that.)  Honestly, I think it was about 3 weeks of pure heck until he really settled down.

Keep with her routine, of course.  But don't make such a big deal about the bed.  "This is your bed.  It's time for bed." etc.   One of you will probably have to stay in there for a little while until she gets used to the bed.  When you leave her alone, she freaks and that's just the opposite of what you want to happen.

I also keep a nice warm blanket on the floor, since Charles sometimes prefers to lay down there.

Yes to putting up a tension gate across the door after she falls asleep.  It's far more dangerous to have her wandering around in the middle of the night.

jlw2505

You need to be very consistent and know that you might have a few hard nights but then it will be fine.  Take the crib out of her room (unless that is where baby is going to sleep) so she knows that it is not an option.  Come up with whatever bedroom routine that you plan to use and stick with it no matter what.  You can either just walk her back to bed and tuck her in and leave with no talking every single time she comes out or put up a gate on her door and if she gets out of bed, just let her be.  She may cry and scream but at some point, she will fall asleep - it might be in her bed and it might be in the middle of the room on the floor.  It doesn't matter really.  She will learn that her getting out of bed and crying is not going to equal you or your DH coming to her room and getting into bed with her.  I know it sounds harsh and horrible but when we moved my kids, neither cried for more than 15 mins and both always got themself back into bed and we never had to do this more than a few times before they learned that they would be sleeping anyplace other than their own bed and by themself.  I always found that if I went back to their room (like the intervals you are talking about) all it did was start the whole process over from the beginning but if I just let them be - it ended way faster even if they cried for 1 long stretch that lasted say 10 mins - if I had gone in after 5 mins, she would have cried for 5, calmed down when I went in but would have started crying again after I left.  It is not easy - I have a picture in my mind of a Parenthood eposide where the mom is sitting in the hall with a bottle of wine and the DD is in the room screaming - the DD fell asleep at some point and mom finished the bottle of wine sitting in the hall outside her room!!!!

stever

I'm in the same position and have no advice

DS is in his converted toddler bed in our room, soon to be move in his toddler bed to his room, then moved to his big boy bed when our new baby outgrows the cradle and needs the crib. 

As it is DS falls asleep in our room with us right there and I fear him being left to his own devices when moved to his room. All I can think is that we'll put a lock on the light so he can't turn it on and we'll gate the door. Maybe being trapped in semi-darkness will help them fall asleep? 

Good luck!

Pesky

It took 3 weeks to finally complete the transition to DD's big girl bed.  First off, pressure-mounted gate on the door.  She can see out but can't get out.  I also pointed out to DD the monitor and told her to call into that and we would hear her.  I also got her a twilight turtle and showed her how to turn it on and off and change the color if she woke up so she could look at the stars and fall asleep.  And white noise is good if you don't have it like a humidifier.  Also, might be easier to have her take naps there too.  Second, I followed the advice of another nestie and it was solid gold.  So do your bedtime routine and then put her down.  Then sit at the foot of her bed or on a chair right beside her and don't interact with her at all.  Don't even make eye contact.  Might want to bring a book or something.  You can say "shhh" but not much beyond that -- make it really boring for her.  Stay there until she falls asleep.  Do this for a night or two.  Move the chair a little bit towards the door but not a ton.  Repeat.  Keep this up as you gradually over time move the chair towards the door.  Then put the chair on the other side of the gate so she could still see us and then gradually moved out of eyesight but still in earshot.  I used to make phone calls then so she could hear me, that I was right there but busy.  And then we were left with an occasional shout out of "you don't need us, turkey, go to sleep!"  I figured if she wanted to fall asleep on the floor, she could.  Also, let her have some stuffed animals in bed -- maybe go to build a bear and make a special bedtime buddy.  GL! 

Maggee206

You have to do what is right for you....get ideas and suggestions then do what works best.  Whatever you do it will be difficult; but this too shall pass.

I made the switch with DS1 when he learned how to crawl out of crib (otherwise I too would have waited until 12). Since DS1 was stubborn and mischievous I totally baby-proofed room (stripped everything out he could ruin, play with, or get hurt with) and put up a top-of-stairs baby gate. I can still recall that for about 3-4 weeks he would stand at the gate and scream (we have a railroad apt so I had to rearrange furniture to avoid eye-contact) and eventually fall asleep....at which time we would pick him up off the floor and put him in be. When he got older and could offer excuses (I'm scared) I took a bottle of fabreze and told him it was monster-be-gone so we would spray anywhere he thought monsters were before we went to bed.

 Wishing you good luck and restful nights!!! 

mwd

Ah, good luck on this!  We started transitioning to the toddler bed around the same time with DS. I second the twilight turtle, DS has  light that he can turn on his firetruck bed that he loves. Or try a small flashlight that is bright, but buy lots of batteries.   After a week of no sleep for all three of us, we finally put him in bed, said goodnight, and then all three of us slept sound as rocks.  Some kids take longer, but you're so tired at this point, you need your sleep!

gimmietimmies

Pesky:

It took 3 weeks to finally complete the transition to DD's big girl bed.  First off, pressure-mounted gate on the door.  She can see out but can't get out.  I also pointed out to DD the monitor and told her to call into that and we would hear her.  I also got her a twilight turtle and showed her how to turn it on and off and change the color if she woke up so she could look at the stars and fall asleep.  And white noise is good if you don't have it like a humidifier.  Also, might be easier to have her take naps there too.  Second, I followed the advice of another nestie and it was solid gold.  So do your bedtime routine and then put her down.  Then sit at the foot of her bed or on a chair right beside her and don't interact with her at all.  Don't even make eye contact.  Might want to bring a book or something.  You can say "shhh" but not much beyond that -- make it really boring for her.  Stay there until she falls asleep.  Do this for a night or two.  Move the chair a little bit towards the door but not a ton.  Repeat.  Keep this up as you gradually over time move the chair towards the door.  Then put the chair on the other side of the gate so she could still see us and then gradually moved out of eyesight but still in earshot.  I used to make phone calls then so she could hear me, that I was right there but busy.  And then we were left with an occasional shout out of "you don't need us, turkey, go to sleep!"  I figured if she wanted to fall asleep on the floor, she could.  Also, let her have some stuffed animals in bed -- maybe go to build a bear and make a special bedtime buddy.  GL! 

Yes to all of this. T was our hardest to transition into a bed, we had to do this at 15 months because she'd simply climb out of her crib (I have it on video, she was Houdini). We did the same as Pesky, along with putting her back in bed each time she got out, saying nothing to her. We got her a special bear and a new blanket (lovie) that kept her company. It took about 3 weeks as well. E and K were easy, they only took days. L was too ill to bother, he'd sleep everywhere. And S hasn't bothered trying to climb out yet, so we'll wait a bit longer to transition.

jenjury

I agree....just keep pushing on. We've transitioned 2 kiddos to a toddler bed from a crib already and it depended on the kid.

We ended up gating the door, and putting tape over the light switch. My Dad told me he had to lock all my toys in my closet, lock my bedroom door so I couldn't get out at night and unscrew the light bulb to keep the light off! ha!! It's a process but much easier then potty training!!