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Hypothetical on EDs and Surrogacy

Not sure about you ladies, but I get offers a lot from people I know. Offering their eggs, sperm, or bodies for surrogacy. I wonder if it is just me...?

I would like to throw out a few hypothetical questions because I'm not even sure how to react to some of these (what I consider odd) offers. (Maybe they are normal and I shouldn't be as sensitive.)

 

Question 1: Would you be inseminated by your DH's father, uncle, brother, etc?

Question 2: Would you be ok with your MIL being a surrogate?

Question 3: How would you feel about using your Sister's egg as a donor?

 


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Re: Hypothetical on EDs and Surrogacy

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    I don't think I would really know the answers to these questions until I was in the situation but here are my gut feelings:

    1. I would not be comfortable with FIL or and Uncle as a donor but if DH had a brother I would consider that as an option to consider if he offered.

    2. My MIL and I don't get along so I would not want her to carry my child. If we have to use a surrogate my sister would be my top choice.

    3. I think I would consider using my sisters egg if she offered. Obviously there is a lot of discussion that would have to go in to it but my gut is leaning toward yes.

     

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    katyj (it feels weird writing that because my maiden name started with a J, and my name is Katy, so it feels like I'm talking to myself) anyway, thank you, you helped confirm that I wasn't crazy thinking some of these things.

    slouise - I think I might agree about the brother thing, DH doesn't have a brother, but I would probably consider it also. FIL just weirds me out. And DH suggested his uncle that is so strange.

    Here is what my thoughts were:

    1. No, eww.

    2. WTF my MIL creeps me out sometimes. I totally get the mental image of MIL breastfeeding my child. 

    3. This is a weird one for me. DH suggested it as a possibility when we first learned that my eggs might be screwed up. He said, oh genetic closeness, yada yada, and I  never would have thought I would have an issue with it. Until we seriously talked about it and I don't know how comfy I would feel always knowing that my kid was actually my sister's if you know what I mean. Surrogacy I might feel more comfortable with but also the thought of seeing my sister enjoy MY pregnancy might piss me off too...

    TTC #1 Since December 2009
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    BFP #2 03/24/11 EDD 12/06/11 missed m/c D&C 10w (Triploidy xxx)
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    I have been offered my a co-worker as a joke that she will "carry my baby for me".  And I told her to my knowledge, while I have trouble getting PG, carrying a child is most likely not a problem.  As for your questions.

    1.  No, I personally would not want anyone's sperm aside from my husband.  But I understand if someone was looking at DS that at least that way it'd have some of DH's genes...but no.  It makes me think of that episode of Modern Family.  But if that is what someone chose to do I would understand a bit where they are coming from.

    2.   LOL, My MIL is 63 so yeah, not gonna even think about her carrying my child.  

    3.  I don't have a sister.  But I think it's like question one.  I think my husband and I would only want each others full DNA.  But we're not open to the idea of DS or DE as some are.  I think if if we were, we'd want to choose a donor that we found similar things (blonde/blue eyed Irish/German for me,  Brunette/Hazel eyed Polish for DH) with our background.  But I think I'd be too uncomfortable knowing my child is biologically a relative of mines.  


    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
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    Question 1: Would you be inseminated by your DH's father, uncle, brother, etc? No, No and he doesn't have a brother but it would be No as well.

    Question 2: Would you be ok with your MIL being a surrogate? Nope

    Question 3: How would you feel about using your Sister's egg as a donor? I don't have a sister so not an option.

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    imageungraceful13:

    Question 1: Would you be inseminated by your DH's father, uncle, brother, etc? No, No and he doesn't have a brother but it would be No as well.

    Question 2: Would you be ok with your MIL being a surrogate? Nope

    Question 3: How would you feel about using your Sister's egg as a donor? I don't have a sister so not an option.

    We have talked about the possibility of using DS but it would be anonymous and someone we picked that had some of DH's features.

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    1: DH doesn't have a relationship with his father or any of his half-brothers. (Not sure if his half-brothers even know he exists.) So that would be a no.

     

    2: I love my MIL. She's been amazingly supportive, much moreso than my own mother. But I don't think I'd want her to carry my pregnancy.

     

    3. I don't have a sister.

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    Question 1: Would you be inseminated by your DH's father, uncle, brother, etc?  His father is deceased.  I would never in a million years consider being inseminated by one of his relatives.  That creeps me out.

    Question 2: Would you be ok with your MIL being a surrogate?  His mother is also deceased.  If she was still with us, there is no way that I would do this. 

    Question 3: How would you feel about using your Sister's egg as a donor?  My sister is 2 years older (36), so this isn't an option.  But even if she was younger than me, I would feel strange about this.  I like the idea of the child being genetically part of my family, but knowing my child was really genetically my sisters would be weird for me.

    BabyFruit Ticker TTC #2 since March 2010. 2 LOSSES ... c/p - Dec 2010. Ectopic - March 2011. Me: 35; DH: 34 DX: DOR, egg quality issues ; DH - all normal FSH 10.1, Estradiol 21.8, AMH 0.49 IVF #1 (Oct/Nov 2011) (Antagonist with BCP's)- 5R, 0 eggs to transfer CD3 b/w by same RE 1/2012: FSH 6, AMH 1.4...wtf?? IVF #2 (Apr 2012) EPP/Antagonist with ICSI - 10R, 7M, 6 ICSI'd, 2F. 3DT = BFN AMH tested by new RE 6/2012 - 2! Saving money for IVF #3. Started a ton of supplements in May 2012 and hoping for a miracle! SURPRISE BFP!! (October 2012)
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    1. If it came down to it, yes I would consider using sperm from one of his brothers. Not his uncle or father, though.

    2. If she was able to without many health risks, sure.

    3. If she was willing, yes.

    But I may be the weird one as it looks like most wouldn't do any of the above, lol. 

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    imagewillamina28:

    Not sure about you ladies, but I get offers a lot from people I know. Offering their eggs, sperm, or bodies for surrogacy. I wonder if it is just me...?

    I would like to throw out a few hypothetical questions because I'm not even sure how to react to some of these (what I consider odd) offers. (Maybe they are normal and I shouldn't be as sensitive.)

     

    Question 1: Would you be inseminated by your DH's father, uncle, brother, etc? No

    Question 2: Would you be ok with your MIL being a surrogate? No

    Question 3: How would you feel about using your Sister's egg as a donor? I would consider this

     


    I think it's very easy for people to offer, and it's a whole other thing when it actually comes down to doing it. Being an egg donor is not an easy process, and surrogacy is even more difficult. I personally would never have a family member or friend be a surrogate.

    Started TTC 2/2009
    Started fertility treatments 11/2010
    Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
    6 failed medicated IUI's
    Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
    Decided to adopt - 6/2012
    SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012 
    Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
    Decided to be "One and Done"

    ....OR NOT.
    Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
    Here we go again...
    Due 8/26/19!
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    Q1: Um, NO.

    Q2: My MIL is in her 70s, so impossible, but if she weren't, still no because she would still be out of the age range of where I'd be comfortable having the most precious thing in the entire world to me live for 9 months.

    Q3: My sister? Hm, possibly. We're very close and I think she could handle it, but mostly I think I'd move to adoption or use a stranger's egg or embryo... I guess that's similar to adoption in a way.  I'm not sure I could emotionally handle anyone but my sister carrying as a surrogate... but even that makes me wild with jealousy. 

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    Honestly, all three of those things kinda freak me out.  I can't help but thinking that sharing sperm or eggs within my family would cause issues later.  I would maybe be ok with #2 just because the baby would ultimately be genetically DH and mine, even if I didn't carry it.
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    Ticker warning

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Okay I am not trying to step on any toes here since I am PAIF, but as a donor sperm user I just ask please to be a little more tactful in responses regarding DS. I personally used an anonymous donor, but if my dh had a brother, we would not have opposed that. It is literally the only way for us to get pregnant. And if we could have a genetic link, tht would have been nice.

    For some reason people really has an issue with DS and it is very disheartening. My dh has a medical issue just like so many others on this board and I hate to see it trivialized. The child I am carrying is 100% his, even if we had to use someone else's sperm. I am grateful for the choices. 

    Again, I am sorry for the intrusion, but it is hard to see the eww and messed up comments and not say anything.  

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    imagemandalinn25:

    Ticker warning

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Okay I am not trying to step on any toes here since I am PAIF, but as a donor sperm user I just ask please to be a little more tactful in responses regarding DS. I personally used an anonymous donor, but if my dh had a brother, we would not have opposed that. It is literally the only way for us to get pregnant. And if we could have a genetic link, tht would have been nice.

    For some reason people really has an issue with DS and it is very disheartening. My dh has a medical issue just like so many others on this board and I hate to see it trivialized. The child I am carrying is 100% his, even if we had to use someone else's sperm. I am grateful for the choices. 

    Again, I am sorry for the intrusion, but it is hard to see the eww and messed up comments and not say anything.  

    I'm sorry Mandalinn if anyone's post offended you in any way. I personally just answered "no", but to give a reason, I think that getting family members involved gets entirely too complicated. I have absolutely nothing against DS at all. I agree with you though. Hearing "eww" must be very hurtful.

    As a board, I think we need to think a little longer before we post. You never know who's been in what situation. And when it comes down to it, I'm not sure any of us having any idea what we would do if given that as our only option.

    ((hugs)) to Mandalinn.

    And I cannot believe you are so far along already!!!!!!!!!!!

    Started TTC 2/2009
    Started fertility treatments 11/2010
    Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
    6 failed medicated IUI's
    Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
    Decided to adopt - 6/2012
    SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012 
    Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
    Decided to be "One and Done"

    ....OR NOT.
    Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
    Here we go again...
    Due 8/26/19!
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    1. No way in Hell...that just grosses me out! If DH had a brother....maybe...but its a moot point b/c he's an only child.

    2. I don't think I could let anyone be a surrogate. I want to go through that experience and to let someone else close to me go through it would just make me very emotional and bitter I think. I carry the child or we adopt, no ifs ands or buts about it. 

    3. If I had a sister, I *might* be ok with it, but I only have brothers so again, a moot point. I do think, however, that if you are going to do DE, its best to do it anonymously b/c as some of the other ladies said, it'd be weird to know your child was really your sister's. 

     

    Now on a bit of a different subject. My brother is gay, so if he and his partner were wanting a child, I would totally donate an egg to be combined with his partner's sperm so they could have a biological child that carried both of their genes. I'd do it in a heartbeat if they asked. 

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