Wedding Drama... what to do..

futureheatherrogan

So, I am the co-maid of honor in my friends wedding this spring, which I am really excited about. The only downer is that her wedding is 3 weeks before my due date... I have been trying to decide if it is smart for me to continue to stand up in her wedding since i will be so pregnant at that point.

I just keep envisioning my water breaking as im standing up at the alter or something. Obviously, the chances of this happening aren't that great, but it still makes me worried. Plus, it's a heck of a long day to be a part of the wedding party, and i don't know how my body will be holding up at that point.

Does anyone have any suggestions, or similar situations? I really hate to bail on her...

 

kelnyc

I would move forward as planned, but set the bride's expectations that if anything happens at the last minute, you may not be able to perform your duties... or even just that you can't participate in everything that goes along with that day. Hopefully she is understanding given the circumstances, but be prepared for a possible bridezilla moment. 

MaggieF516

I would really try to continue with the plan to be in the wedding, unless of course something happens and you had the baby early and it would be impossible.  It definitely won't be fun when you are 9 months pregnant, but it really is a sacrifice you should try to make for your friend.  I was supposed to be the maid of honor for my friends wedding which was going to be a few weeks before my due date, but the wedding was postponed so it isn't an issue any longer.  I think she could be really hurt if you back down and it would be awful if it harmed your friendship. It can also be really stressful planning a wedding so any change in the plans might really upset your friend.  I would just go and make the best of it and plan on leaving pretty early.

celestialnyte

I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding 2 hours away from home when I was 3 mths pregnant. Due to some bleeding at 8 weeks, my OB STRONGLY suggested I not go. That far into my pregnancy, there would be NO way that I would want to be 2 hours away from the hospital I'm delivering at. 

Is there a way you can speak to her and see if she can have the wedding attendants be sitting instead of standing during the ceremony? During my wedding, the attendants walked up the aisle, stood for about 3 mins while the guests were welcomed, and then sat for the duration of the ceremony, until about 3 mins to the end. There are some ceremonies that are SO long that I can't even imagine standing up there at 25 weeks pregnant. 

I'd talk to her and see what her expectations are of you on that day/days leading up to the wedding. If they're minimal, then I would probably try to be in it (with the understanding that if something were to happen, you obviously wouldn't be able to do it.) She may not even be thinking that you're so far along with her wedding planning. If you bring it up to her, she may realize that it may NOT be a good idea to have you still be a part of her wedding party because she may not be able to count on you (if LO comes early, complications, etc) and it's much easier to know NOW than a week before.

adrianLO

I was in a very close girlfriends wedding when I was eight months pregnant.  I was okay, I just made some small changes and everyone was fine with it.  During the ceremony I sat while the other bridesmaids stood through the whole thing.  I didn't ride in the limo with the rest of the bridal party, just bc it was a long ride and I'm prone to car sickness when I sit in the back of limos and I knew there would be drinking.  Other than that (and the fact that I felt so gross in my dress) everything was great.

LeahCK

I had two very close people to me due within weeks of my wedding and were both in the south and the wedding was in upstate NY. Niether could attend. I lost a MOH and 2 flower girls but I love them so I understood.

futureheatherrogan

Thanks for the feedback and advice! I talked to my friend about the wedding situation, and she is actually very understanding. So far we are just playing it by ear and seeing how the pregnancy is at that point. I'm sure i'll be fine, but i just get nervous thinking about everything i'm going to have to do that day.

Another downer is that i purchased the bridesmaid dress before i knew i was pregnant, and now, obviously, it isn't even close it fitting. The kicker is that the store has discontinued the dress, won't take back the one i bought, and i can't order a bigger size....urgh!

andyandrachel

I know it is different with men, but my brother Chris was supposed to be the best man for our other brother Craig's wedding in 2010. With Chris's wife pregnant, he sat down with Craig and said that he was honored to be included in such a big way, but that perhaps someone else should be made best man in case something unexpected happens. Chris was happy to be made into a regular groomsman and Craig was very understanding. It was a good thing they talked things through a few months before the wedding because Chris's wife gave birth the morning of the wedding and they were not able to attend at all.

Talk things through with the bride. Let her know that you are honored to be included in the wedding and you want nothing more than to be there, but that things may not go according to plan when a pregnancy is involved. Try and work with her to come up with a back up plan if you need to miss the wedding entirely, only be partially involved or only go as a guest. Make the back up plan and hope you don't need to use the back up plan at all, it is just better to be prepared.

Good luck.

KrissyMiss

You said you are the co-maid of honor - I would talk not only to the birde but also the other MOH, she may be able to take on more of the "duties." If the bride and co-MOH are on the same page about the situation then it sounds like you'll be good to go. Good luck!

kjem182

I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding-it's on April 14, so I'll be about 6.5 months along.  I hadn't even thought of issues with standing!  Mostly we're just hoping the dress fits...  Good luck and think happy thoughts!

ateal2490

If you're a FTM with no known complications, the chances of you going into labor early (or even on time, for that matter) are pretty slim. Just make sure you are only on your feet when you absolutely have to be (aka, at the alter) and just relax for the rest of the time. Hydrate yourself, wear comfortable shoes and don't overdo it and I think you'll be just fine.

jdk033

heres another idea of how you could still be part of the ceremony but not standing for hours - if there are small children in the party [flower girls, ring bearers] you could be their sheppherd and sit down with them in the front row or off to the side. Its very cute and then you don't have to deal with standing for ages and the little ones won't get too restless...

joshandpanda

I was supposed to be a MOH in my friends wedding just 6 days before my EDD... we talked about it, about the dress and everything else, and we decided that it would be better if I was more of a MOH on the sidelines, just in case I wont be there... she thought it was a great idea, I am still in all the planning/helping stages and will still be a part of the head table (like I said, if I am there) and still get the recognition of the big part, but she also now has a co-MOH to actually stand up there with her... 

I would just talk to her about it, unless she is a total bridezilla, I would think she would be totally understanding about it (especially if you are a co-MOH)

GL!