Still struggling with my anxiety - don't know what to do

FamilyIsLove

I posted a couple of weeks back how my a/s showed my LO has choroid plexus cysts.  I did my research, chatted with some ladies on the bump in similar situations and talked to my OB.  I came the the conclusion that I would not to the amnio.  But here I am, weeks later, still obsessing over the what if's.  I can't help it.  I mentioned before that I have anxiety and it affects me by causing me to obsess over health concerns.  I was in therapy for this last year (before I was pregnant) and I did a lot to overcome my issues.  I was doing great, then this. I'll go a couple of days where I do okay, then I'm back to thinking about it non-stop.  I'll cry, worry, etc.  All the ways my anxiety manifests itslef within me, have come back.

I don't know what to do and I'm having a hard time letting anyone know how I really feel and how this is deeply affecting me.  I don't want to put my baby in harms way (via an amnio) but I also don't think my constant worry is doing him/her any good either.  I don't know what to do.  I feel so blessed to be having another baby but I also feel as though I am not fully excited becuase of what I'm dealing with.

I will love this baby no matter what, but the not knowing is REALLY getting to me.  I know this is a personal decision, but I needed to get this out.  Thanks for listening.

Rhenna

If you were in therapy before for help with this why not go again?  I'm sure if it helped you before it may help again.  Maybe your OB can even give you a recommendation for someone that specializes in these kinds of situations?

judahsmommy1

I'm sorry the anxiety is so high. What is your biggest concern at this point? I don't know much about the complication that you're talking about. Have you and your doctor considered doing a level II ultrasound to attempt to gather more information. I know it's not the answer for everything, but I also know that in some situations that helps clarify what the problems are. I agree that therapy might be helpful. I'm sorry you're going through this.

FamilyIsLove

judahsmommy1:

I'm sorry the anxiety is so high. What is your biggest concern at this point? I don't know much about the complication that you're talking about. Have you and your doctor considered doing a level II ultrasound to attempt to gather more information. I know it's not the answer for everything, but I also know that in some situations that helps clarify what the problems are. I agree that therapy might be helpful. I'm sorry you're going through this.

So CPC's are a soft marker for a chromosomal problem.  From what I've read, Trisomy 18 seems to be the biggest concern -- which as most of you ladies know is deadly.  So I just keep thinking, my god, what if my baby is born only to pass a few days later and I'm not prepared for that.  Background:  I had the 12 NT scan & 15 blood work which showed my odds of my baby having a chromosomal prob at 1:10,000.  So great news.  I also had my level II a/s which showed no other problems besides the CPC's.  I don't know what my odds would change to given that but the Dr. that came in after said maybe 1:9000 (but i'm not sure if he was spewing that or if it was real).  So the odds are in my favor but my anxiety is just outweighing that.  I go down these mental rat holes where I just keep thinking the worst. And of course I went online and read different studies on that were done regarding CPC's -- some of them reassured me, others made me even more nervous.

I've talked with my mom about this (we are very close & she knows about everything) and she thinks I should do the amnio becuase of my anxiety even though she was never for them.  If there was no chance in hurting my baby, I would have had the amnio already but they scare the crap out of me.  I feel like i'd be putting my baby at risk just to alleviate MY mental issues -- and that just makes me cry thinking about it.  I'm so lost right now...

I have my next appt with my OB monday and I  plan to talk to her more about what else can be done -- another level 2 with a specialist maybe or a 3D scan -- something, anything to help me get some assurance that things are ok.

DCMerged

I can identify with what you are feeling in terms of anxiety/worry/constantly going around and around in your mind. I have mild anxiety but I can imagine how bad it would get if I had something like this to worry about.

I didn't go through all of the math, but it sounds like the risk of trisomy 18 is much less than risk of miscarriage due to amnio. But the way you are feeling is that you want to know for sure if baby has trisomy or other chromosomal abnormality. Is that basically your dilemma that you are having a hard time deciding? Can you try to make peace with a decision not to have an amnio based on those data, knowing that there is always some level of uncertainty in pregnancy, birth, and having children? Have you talked to your doctor or therapist about medication? There are some that have been shown to be safe to take during pregnancy, and they can really, really help. Have you tried meditating? I decided to get off my anti-anxiety meds while I'm pregnant but have to meditate (the more the better, every day is best) to help control the anxiety. It sounds new-agey but it really does work for me. What does your partner/husband think about the medical issues? Is this opinion helpful. I know talking to my DH about decisions regarding LO helps me feel like all the weight is not on my shoulders alone.

FamilyIsLove

DCMerged:

I can identify with what you are feeling in terms of anxiety/worry/constantly going around and around in your mind. I have mild anxiety but I can imagine how bad it would get if I had something like this to worry about.

I didn't go through all of the math, but it sounds like the risk of trisomy 18 is much less than risk of miscarriage due to amnio. But the way you are feeling is that you want to know for sure if baby has trisomy or other chromosomal abnormality. Is that basically your dilemma that you are having a hard time deciding? Can you try to make peace with a decision not to have an amnio based on those data, knowing that there is always some level of uncertainty in pregnancy, birth, and having children? Have you talked to your doctor or therapist about medication? There are some that have been shown to be safe to take during pregnancy, and they can really, really help. Have you tried meditating? I decided to get off my anti-anxiety meds while I'm pregnant but have to meditate (the more the better, every day is best) to help control the anxiety. It sounds new-agey but it really does work for me. What does your partner/husband think about the medical issues? Is this opinion helpful. I know talking to my DH about decisions regarding LO helps me feel like all the weight is not on my shoulders alone.

I do talk to my husband and his feeling is just that -- that the risk of hte amnio causing problems is far greater than the risk that there is something really being wrong with the baby.  I thought I made peace with my decision to NOT get the amnio but here I am again wondering if I should just for my peace of mind.  But yes, that is my struggle -- get the amnio so i know for sure vs. not getting the amnio to keep my baby safe.

I want to do SOMETHING to make myself feel better...like get another u/s or see a specialist that deals with this type of situation (if they exist).

I am all about staying off the meds (esp during pregnancy) -- this is why I chose therapy over anti-anxiety meds before.  I'm thinking I might need ot see my therapist again but I sort of know what she'd tell me and it's not helping me at this point.

kdjudd

I'm so sorry you are having anxiety issues. I know that struggling with anxiety can make even the smallest situation more difficult to handle so I can't imagine what you must be going through with something like this. I would talk to your OB and see if there are any safe tests that you can do and I'd also get some therapy again. I've had to increase therapy for my anxiety and depression issues since pregnancy. There is no shame in that! It'll help you a lot! 

trish051003

My baby was given a 1 in 23 chance of Triscomy 18.  The U/S looked okay but was no gaurantee and we decided against the amnio.  The only reason for one is peace of mind or to terminate the pregnancy if it's positive.  We couldn't terminate the preg and peace of mind wasn't enough of a reason for the risk for us.

 If it's bothering you that much and makes statistical sense then get the amnio.

FamilyIsLove

trish051003:

My baby was given a 1 in 23 chance of Triscomy 18.  The U/S looked okay but was no gaurantee and we decided against the amnio.  The only reason for one is peace of mind or to terminate the pregnancy if it's positive.  We couldn't terminate the preg and peace of mind wasn't enough of a reason for the risk for us.

 If it's bothering you that much and makes statistical sense then get the amnio.

If you don't mind answering, how did they come up with the 1:23 chance if the u/s looked okay?  I thought in most cases with Trisomy 18, there were heart defects, etc.