My mom shared that I had IVF

B&C03

Since I was unable to go to my cousin's funeral ( I had an IVF procedure) she tells family members who I was not even that close with that I was going in for IVF. She took it upon herself. Now I have a two year old that was naturally conceived so she could have said I was sick or my son was sick and I could not attend. Am I being overly sensitive about this, do I have a right to be annoyed that my mother took it upon herself to do this. I am 20 weeks along with one girl ( had the amnio and very thankful)  but annoyed that she took it upon herself to share this with everyone.

 I know IVF is nothing to be truly ashamed of , neither should getting a divorce but do you want it broadcasted out there out of your own will?

boymomstrong

I wold be VERY up set! I am a very private person, and what happens in my bedroom stays there! And that means conceiving a baby! Any way that happens! We were very limited in what we told to people, and we never told dates or gave details about any thing at all. We did not want it to slip out, or to have people alsking all the time how it was going and any news?

Your mom should know that this was not ok to say and she should know that wont be ok in the future. I am sure she was not trying to hurt you, but she did and she should know that...

Also divorce is different, it becomes apparent that a marriage is over, IVF or natural conception is never appearant!

Good Luck talking to her about this!

caralck

I would be upset too.  Until we got past 16 wks, we only told a few people about ivf.  After that, I was more open about it because I was emotionally better equipped to have the discussions about it with others.  I think it is something that each person has to decide what they're comfortable with and also depends on the people who are told.  Closed minded jerks who will say insensitive things just don't need to be told.  I did learn, after telling more family members, that the cousins who I thought would be mean spirited were really awesome about it.  Now who knows what they say to others or themselves but at least to me, they have been great.  I made a website for baby and have a page about how baby came about as well as the emotional aspects of it (briefly, of course).  I think it gives the message about the rough aspect that infertility is as well as the treatments that perhaps conveys to them that this isn't something you tease a person about.

B&C03

I thought I was not being insensitive. If I mention it to her she is going to say something stupid like" Oh it is not like you had to use someone else's egg or sperm."which  we didn't, DD will be with our own genes it is just that some of the people that I know are very close minded and judge a lot. I see it as, something I would not like to have gone through but I am very grateful to have this child inside me. After getting a good report after my amnio I feel blessed.

 I also had no choice but to tell my mom because she was the one watching our son while I went for the retrieval.

aah1013

I agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your IVF journey if YOU choose to do so. I do have a huge problem with people doing it for you! We have told select family members (that can keep their mouth shut). But I would be totally pissed if my mom told people that I wasn't even that close to. This upsets me just reading it. I'm sorry that it was said for you, not by you.

kosmos

I can SO relate to this. My mother in law told all her friends that we were pregnant before we gave them the green light to do so. I'm pretty sure she also told them I had IVF, which is nobody's business. I honestly didn't even ask if she also told her friends we had IVF, because I was so upset that she told people we were pregnant. Like you said, it's not something to be ashamed of, but it's a very personal experience that you and your partner go through. 

You are not over reacting. I think it's completely disrespectful and selfish, to you and your partner, when parents do what they want to do, instead of respecting your wishes.

snoangel79

That's so rude of her! My husband's stepdad shared with his son and daughter in law (who also went through IVF) that we did to and was calling our babies and their babies "test tube babies" I was disgusted! He's a basturd anyways! Of course the 9 year old conceived this way (his granddaughter) was within hearing distance also! I would say something to your mom! She should really not be sharing any info that you don't want her to.

Jeep Doll

That is not cool at all... I would be pissed!

I am hoping that the ILs do not tell everyone we did IVF.  I'm sure people will typically ask because it is twins.  We'll have a talk with them and let them know we would like to keep the IVF part private, since it is so personal.  If someone they know is going through IVF, we would be willing to connect, though.

I think if anyone asks us if we did have any ART, we might just say we did meds and not mention IVF.  Some people can be judgmental unfortunately. 

tarajayne

I would be furious.  You are definitely not over sensitive.  This is something that you should have been the one to decide whether or not you told people. 

MrsOjoButtons

I am actually one to tell strangers about my IVF, BUT I am a big fan of boundaries and if you didn't want that information broadcasted, you are absolutely not being "overly sensitive" about its wrongful disclosure. 

Jenny952

I'm sorry your mom shared that news with everyone.  You're right, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's not something that needs to be public knowledge.  I wouldn't want that information out in the open to some of my family, and you have every right to be upset.  If you feel up for it, you can politely tell your mom that you weren't ready/willing/etc. to share that with the rest of the family.

salesmom

MrsOjoButtons:

I am actually one to tell strangers about my IVF, BUT I am a big fan of boundaries and if you didn't want that information broadcasted, you are absolutely not being "overly sensitive" about its wrongful disclosure. 

 Ditto!  I am very open about it but if you were not comfortable telling and she knows you are a private person, that is uncalled for.