Hubby is sabotaging our sleep training! (vent)

tiffyspiffy1012

I am just writing to get some feelings off my chest and to see if any of you are struggling with the same issue.  My LO goes to bed at 7 each night...like clockwork.  I had her on a fabulous schedule of sleeping 7.5 hours straight, then another 4, using the No-Cry Sleep Solution method.  This meant that our bedtime, wind-down routine starts about 6:15 each night (we keep things calm and dimly lit).  Hubby doesn't get home from work until 5:30 or even 6, and compalins that he barely gets to see LO, so yesterday, I made the mistake of letting him play with her exclusively by himself.  When I walked in, he had her jumping around going crazy in her jumperoo with all the bright lights on and she was totally wound up.  It took me 3 additional nursing sessions to get her to go to sleep, and she was up every 3 hours thereafter.  Ugh!!!!  I am so frustrated with DH!  He tells me he wants her to sleep well as much as I do, but it seems as if his selfish desire to play with her the way he likes to play is sabotaging my efforts!  I feel like I'm always nagging him about what he can and can't do with her so close to bed, and he whines and tells me how left out he feels.  I feel bad for him but he gets to go wild with LO each morning and every weekend, and I wish he would respect our night routine since I'm the one whose sleep is most affected when LO doesn't sleep well!  Does anyone else deal with this?  What did you do?!

christyjane17

I totally see your point.  However, fwiw, DS only needs 15 minutes of quiet/soothing time.  Is there a way you could rework the nighttime routine to allow for some play time, too?

Karen1998

christyjane17:

I totally see your point.  However, fwiw, DS only needs 15 minutes of quiet/soothing time.  Is there a way you could rework the nighttime routine to allow for some play time, too?

 I agree.  (((Hugs)))

You could also pump a bottle or two and let DH get up with her at night.  He does want more time with her...

ladybug122

I'm dealing with this too. When I'm having trouble getting LO to sleep, her dad comes in and is "Mr. Fun Guy" and of course she stops crying - but its really not helpful for her to think she gets to play during bedtime. He doesn't seem to get (although I've repeatedly explained to him) that I need his help CALMLY and QUIETLY getting her to sleep, not getting her to be happy by playing with her. 

kristinmme

Totally hear you! Maybe he could get up early and have fun time with her then. You could explain that it would be better time since she'll be more alert and happy/less cranky. 

Not to change the topic, but could you explain how you use NCSS with success? I'm dying for a method over here and details would be helpful! 

tiffyspiffy1012

kristinmme:

Totally hear you! Maybe he could get up early and have fun time with her then. You could explain that it would be better time since she'll be more alert and happy/less cranky. 

Not to change the topic, but could you explain how you use NCSS with success? I'm dying for a method over here and details would be helpful! 

Hey kristinmme - the NCSS really did work for us, and I saw huge improvements over the course of 7 days.  LO went from waking up every 3 hours (to the minute!) to sleeping 7.5 hours straight.  The change was gradual - the first couple nights her longest stretch was 4 hours, and then it jumped to 7 hours after about 5 days.  One of the biggest things that helped us I think, was to give her a solid routine where the blinds were all closed, and only a night light was used.  The first part of our routine is to sit in the rocking chair and read a board book together.  Then I sing her a couple lullabies from another book.  Then I put LO on my bed and let her watch our fan spin above us.  She often squeals with delight at the sight of this, and I quietly talk to her and rub her body until she rolls over and "asks" to nurse.  If she stops eating and starts comfort sucking, I gently pop her off like the book says to do.  If she gets back on, that's fine, but when she shifts to comfort sucking, I pop her off again.  This process can take a while the first few times you try it, but it gradually improves.  LO still hasn't stopped comfort sucking completely, but the amount of time she does so is far shorter than it used to be  :-)  This helps LO learn that she doesn't need to suck to sleep.  If she wakes up after only a couple hours of sleep, I make sure she's not just making sleep noises first.  If she really needs my attention, I go to her as soon as possible and try to rock her gently back and forth in her crib.  I just put my hands on her body and move her from side to side.  I did this a lot the first few nights of training - sometimes it worked and she slept another hour or so, and sometimes it didn't and I had to nurse her again.  The first couple times I had to rock her for a good five minutes - now it only takes about 30 seconds.  So those are the tricks that worked best for me...I wish you the best of luck and hope some of them help you too!  (Apologies for writing so much!)

NotSharknado

polkadot1022:

I'm dealing with this too. When I'm having trouble getting LO to sleep, her dad comes in and is "Mr. Fun Guy" and of course she stops crying - but its really not helpful for her to think she gets to play during bedtime. He doesn't seem to get (although I've repeatedly explained to him) that I need his help CALMLY and QUIETLY getting her to sleep, not getting her to be happy by playing with her. 

we have the same high chair

lucylea

I completely see your complaint, but I can see your DH's point too.  How would you feel if you only got to spend 15 minutes with your LO each evening and had to do so in only the way your spouse said to?  

Is it possible to shorten your bedtime routine?  Like a PP, we only take 15 minutes.  Or if that won't work can you gradually shift bedtime back so that your DH can spend more time with your LO?   

kristinmme

Thanks so much, Tiff!

katie4253

I get to see our son very little on week nights.  What I'd say is that he needs to do her bedtime routine.  He can do bath, dim lights, whatever you do.  We never play with Gabe on week nights. We snuggle and relax.  He gets plenty of play at daycare.  Being a parent is about doing what is best for your child.  Not what you want to do.