I recently read the story of a mother that delivered her first child last April, stillborn at 36 weeks. It absolutely broke my heart into pieces. I felt like reaching out to her and letting her know that I, a complete stranger, care about her and her son Thomas, and her rainbow baby that is due to make his arrival in a few short weeks. When I saw this link on her facebook page, I knew I had to get her Thomas bear for her before his 1st angelversary on April 12th, as she had said she couldn't afford to donate the $90.
Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that makes teddy bears for grieving mothers at the exact weight of their angel baby. Please take 3 minutes to view this video and consider making a donation, of any amount, to helping grieving mothers hold the closest thing to their angel baby. If you've been fortunate enough to hold your baby everyday, please consider what it's like for other mothers who haven't. Please let them know that someone does care about their baby.
Can you imagine, for those that haven't lived this nightmare, what it must be like to deliver a baby stillborn? To not bring your child home? To not be able to walk past the nursery without crying? To not be able to experience all those "firsts" that you had dreamed about during your pregnancy? I still cannot think about this without crying. My heart breaks for every single mother and father that has had to live through this.
I am asking that you donate in the name of Thomas Noah who became an angel baby on April 12, 2011. Also, please let me know if you have donated (any amount is greatly appreciated!) as I'd like to let Thomas's mommy know how many people have donated in her sons name. And please feel free to pass this on to everyone you know!
After I donated, I sent her a message on FB and her is what she had to say:
First, I have to say I am in tears right now! I cannot begin to thank you for this incredible gift! I was put on modified bed rest starting in January, so money has been a little tight, and with our rainbow baby on the way, trying to save as much as possible. This year has been the hardest, ever. I never imagined that I would have to bury my baby. It was heartbreaking to make it almost to the end (36 weeks) only to be told that his heart had stopped. I still relive that day, over and over again in my head. April 11th, 2011 started out as any other day. My husband and I went to our scheduled OB appt, as we were starting them every week then. I had mentioned to my doctor that I hadnt been feeling him move as much. She said it was pretty common this close to the end, as he didnt have much room to move around. She doppled his heartbeat, 120s. She thought that was a little low, so she sent us to L&D for a non stress test. My husband and I ignorantly went to get monitored, thinking we were possible going to be delivered soon. Once we got settled into the room, the nurses had a hard time locating his heartbeat. After 3 nurses tried, a doc came in to do an ultrasound. Once he pulled his little body up on the screen, we all saw what changed our life forever. I will never forget those words, "I am so sorry, but there is no heartbeat..." I immedately began to throw up, and the room started spinning. We called our families to tell them the news. Everyone was devasted, as Thomas was the first grandchild for both my side and my husbands side of the family. I was induced that night at 10pm. I labored until 5am and then received my epidural when my water broke. I just couldnt believe I still had to go through all this pain, just to deliver my baby that would never cry. Finally at 12:20pm on April 12th, my husband went to help me roll over to my side, as I was so drugged from my epidural. And sadly, he was the one that found our little Thomas on the bed, all curled up in a ball between my legs. I had never felt him come out. (We didnt know at the time, but my posterior cervix had completely tore. I ended up hemorraging a week later, and was rushed into emergent surgery at 3am to repair it.) We buried him at our church on Sat April 16th. My OB ran every test under the sun, and we never found an answer why he didnt make it. I think that is what hurts them most - he was perfect. It still surprises me sometimes that my husband and I have made it through these last 10 months. We love each other now, more than ever.
Last August, we found out we were expecting our rainbow baby, Noah - which is a term used to describe your baby after your loss. Its like a rainbow after the storm. Doesnt mean that the storm never happened, or you arent still dealing with it. But that something is there to bring you hope again. Noah is named after his big brother's middle name. We wanted them to have a connection. We were completely surprised, as we were not trying at all. It has been a very stressful pregnancy. It still shocks me that our two boys will have birthdays so close together - almost like it was meant to happen this way.
Sorry I am rambling on, I just felt you desevered to hear our entire story - with the incredible gift you have given to me, a complete stranger. I am glad to hear that you have never experienced a loss. Most people I meet now, have reached out because they have lost a baby. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart...