TTC after 35

XP: Appointment recap (long, boring, blabbery) ::EDITED::

Well, the OB was very nice.  He explained things in depth without being a douche about it.  (You know the kind!)  Basically, since we had a successful & uneventful pregnancy with P, then our overall chances of having another successful pregnancy are quite good.  

There is some testing that we can do,like karyotyping.  What that would tell us is if we were at higher risk of abnormalities and an increased risk for miscarriage.  They can also test for some other issues, which would basically tell us the same thing.  All of the testing available would tell us is if we are at an increased risk for miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities.  We did, for the time being, decline the testing.  He said that it may offer us peace of mind, and he was happy to do them at any time.  If we did the testing, and it came back positive, there isn't anything they can do about it anyway.  No solution for that type of problem.  The only thing that we could do that may actually be helpful is progesterone suppositories, which may not help but they don't hurt.  

Pretty much, we just have awful luck.  If we are willing to continue to try, we will most likely be successful.  We may have some losses along the way, but it's really our call.  They can do monitoring too, like Hcg levels and early u/s if we want, and he is very happy to see us for extra monitoring.  However, it won't make a difference long-term.  We might do extra monitoring, we might not.  It would be like watching and waiting to see if/when the baby fails to grow. 

I asked about seeing a RE, and that's not really something that's needed unless we add the additional problem of having trouble TTC.  If we get towards the end of the year without being able to conceive, then the game has change & we go to a new plan & go to the RE.  For now, there isn't anything they can do either but watch.  

So, I am putting off TTC until April/May to get my head & body in order.   And then, we will just go into it knowing that we may fail, and may fail repeatedly.  For now, DH know that we want another child and are willing to accept the risks that come with our TTC.  I asked DH hat his # of m/c was before he was done, and that seemed like such a callous question.  We talked about it like it was just one more thing that everyone talks about.  Like how many times can you eat chicken before you get sick of it.  Like it wasn't about babies.  My babies.  I hate how uncaring this makes me feel.  I hate how I have to accept loss to be able to gain.  But for now, that's how it is, and I accept that.


If we do the karyotyping and test positive, our risk goes from 30% (based on history & age) to 75%.  The OB seemed to think that it's likely positive due to our history, and I'm inclined to agree.  Shittastic news. 


Re: XP: Appointment recap (long, boring, blabbery) ::EDITED::

  • Oh, this made my heart hurt to read :(

    I'm new to this board so please disregard if this isn't helpful, or old news, but it helped me after my loss as well as a friend who has suffered several since the birth of her darling daughter: the concept of the rainbow baby. What I found particularly helpful was this: "'Rainbow Babies' are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope."

    Thinking of things that way made it easier for me to continue forward with TTC. I hope it helps you. 

  • I'm sorry honey.  That's a terrible position.  I hope your break is restful and brings you peace.
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  • Wow 75% - I really hope that is not the case for you.

    I hesitate to offer any thoughts on how you (or anyone) think about miscarriages and the possibility of more because we all experience loss differently, but I definitely do not think you are being callous or uncaring to have a realistic discussion. ((Hugs)) and may your next bfp become the the baby you dream of.


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