Who to invite?? Help! — The Bump
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Who to invite?? Help!

So I think the last baby shower I went to was several years ago (maybe like 7) and it was for my 2nd cousin who was having her baby at the age of 17 so it was a little different. That being said, I need help!!

My SIL has offered to throw me a shower (bff was going to but right now is not in the picture) so I am sooo thankful for SIL doing it. My mother will be helping but it has been several years since we have had any type of shower in my family. I have friends/acquaintances who have babies but am not close enough to have been invited at the time I guess.  So since I feel like I haven't been invited to things, even though I want to invite people just to have a big gathering and lots of fun, I am reluctant inviting friends for this reason. Either I haven't been invited to their baby shower or wedding shower so I feel like maybe I shouldn't invite them to mine? So I guess I am looking for etiquette advice on who to invite. Also curious if I should invite my hubby's family even though it will be my brother's wife hosting the shower? I just don't see anyone on that side of the family hosting one for me and I want to include them.

Also, are there any guidelines on how many people you should invite? What would be considered too large of a guest list? 


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Re: Who to invite?? Help!

  • I would first talk to your SIL and Mom about how big they want your shower to be.  It depends on where they'll be having it, how much they want to spend, etc.  Then go from there.  There are no real guidlines as I'm sure everyone's situation is different.  I've been to showers that were very intimate and to those that were huge events.

    If your ILs have not mentioned throwing you a shower, then yes, I would include them on the guest list.  I would also invite any friends that you are close with now.  There are a few ladies who will be on my guest list, but whose baby shower I did not attend since we weren't as close at that point. 


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  • Many of the answers to your questions are very subjective, but this is what I would do:

    Who to invite: I invited my close family; sisters, SIL's, The grandma's, my grandmother , two cousins and one aunt (although i have a pile of other's these three are the only one's I feel close to.) My mom's two BF's who I've been close to for along time, as we all ride horse together. A handful of my besties...like 5 of them, all of which I atleast talk to on a monthly if not weekly/daily basis. I did not include anyone that I only talk to once or twice per year.

    Your inlaw's: This is a question to ask your SIL. if she can and is willing to accomodate them great, if not fine, just ask how many people she can accomodate and then decide if they make the list.

    How many people: See above. This also depends on what is the norm in your family. There are some families where it is normal to have enormous 50+ showers. In my family that would be ridiculous and insulting to the guests. I will have a total of 30 people divided between 2 showers (my side and H's side)

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  • Yes- first, you need to find out how many people your SIL was thinking about/ can afford to host.  That plays a HUGE role.  It is NOT her responsiblity to host your DH's family if that makes the guest list simply too big.  If they want to be included, then someone will step forward and throw a shower.

    Past that, think about the people who you're close to and see (in most cases) on a regular basis.  This isn't a free for all/ invite everyone you've ever known.  As getting an invitation is essentially asking for a gift, but a little selective in who you invite. 

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  • My only advice is on the part of if you should invite people from your DH's side....You always invite the MIL so that's a given....I would also invite SIL's if there are any.  Otherwise I wouldn't invite anyone else from that side unless your hostess says she can accommodate them.

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  • Well some families have large showers especially if you come from a huge family, like both dh and I do, and I know like in our families if you exclude anybody, they make a huge fuss, with that being said, we had one huge shower cause we invited mine and dh's family 150 people were there, mind you it was co-ed, and my family hosted. But in your case, you need to find out your sil's budget then go from there, if you want to invite dh's family, then you should do his mom and siblings. the only guideline you should go by is what's best for the host since she will be paying for everything and also work together to come up with a good plan for you both.
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  • Find out how many your SIL can accomodate and go from there.  List your family first, then your DH's family (I would ask his mom who should be on the list) and then close friends of yours.  It doesn't matter if you went to their showers...if they are close friends now then invite them.  If you SIL can only handle a small shower then as far as inlaws you must invite your MIL and I would also include any SIL's and DH's grandmother(s). Keep in mind that if you don't make it a co-ed and don't include kids it cuts down the number.

    As far as size...it all depends on what the host says.  I've hosted many showers and they have ranged from 6 people to 80.  The largest shower I've attended had about 120 people (all adult women) and it was crazy!

  • Thank you for all of your help! I appreciate it. This is really the first baby in a while in my family...I am the baby grandchild by a lot and older than the great grandchildren. The last showers were for great grandchildren having babies early on during their high school years so a little different type of situation.

     Thanks for the help! 

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