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iluvmylab
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please talk me off the ledge
iluvmylab
member
in Working Moms
I'm considering asking for a leave of absence for next school year (I teach HS). DH makes enough to cover our monthly expenses and my salary allows us to live comfortably, take vacations, and not have to really budget our money. This makes it so tempting for me to take this leave. I like being able to live comfortably and not worry about money. But then again, I feel guilty for saying that because it sounds like I'd rather have nice things and take vacations rather than be with my son. Talk me into working.....
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Re: please talk me off the ledge
My son seems to like and benefit from daycare, and as he gets older I'm sure that he'll appreciate my income. Just like you, we could live off of one of our salaries, but I value travel and not being stressed about money too much.
I think that DS would be bored hanging out with me all week, honestly! Today when I dropped him off at daycare I sat him down and a little girl crawled up to him and they sat there smiling at each other. He doesn't get to play with other babies here.
Oh, that's so cute! I'm hoping that DS will be the same way. My niece is 2.5 and he already smiles at her when she's around. He's with MIL this week and then my mom next week. He'll start daycare after our spring break.
If you can financially swing a one year leave and go back to your current position I think that would be great!
I wouldn't equate having extra money with not wanting to be with your son. We could get by on DH's income but that's not how I want to live. I love that my income is basically extra. We can vacation where we want, buy what we want fo us/LO, remodel the house, etc without worrying about how to pay the bills. I love being with my daughter but I also love living a comfortable lifestyle.
I also actually really like having LO in daycare. The interaction she gets is above and beyond what I could offer. I like that I have a work-life balance. I find that I'm a much better mother and wife when I'm working.
I'm sure you'll find what works best for your family!
We could probably live on DH's salary if we buckled down, but I have no desire to be a SAHM. Do you *want* to stay home, or are you thinking about doing it because you feel you *should* want to?
I'm guessing having vacation money isn't the only reason you would consider going back to work, but even if it is - so what? You do what's best for you and your family. You don't have to word it to yourself or others that you would rather have nice things than be with your son. If you want to work or keep a lifestyle that's only possible if you work, that's ok.
I'm not going to make the decision until April. I can't wait any longer because my leave has to be approved by the school board and they need time to hire someone to take my place, so May or June would be the absolute latest I could tell them. But it's interesting to know that I'm at the height of guilt. I'm going to give it some time before I decide, just trying to put it all in perspective.
I actually took a leave of absence when I had DS (May 2010-August 2011) and loved being home with him. We were able to afford it and I looked at it as something I would regret not doing knowing I had the ability to do it. And as a co-teacher always says to me "No one is going to thank you for being here". I knew that staying home for the year wouldn't jeopardize my spot so I took it.
I joined a local mom's group and found lots of things to do during the week so he still had lots of interaction with other kids and got us out of the house. When he started daycare at 15 months it was a nice transition as I didn't have to worry about bottles, baby food, etc.
I am actually home now on a second leave with my DD and DS is still at daycare. This way he gets to keep his routine and I get time with just DD like I had with DS.
Although my DS has been in daycare since 8 weeks old and it has worked out well, I disagree with PPs that putting LO in daycare is a reason in favor of working. LOs thrive with loving, attentive, stimulating caregivers--whether they are parents, grandparents, nannies, or daycare teachers. The best choice depends on each family's circumstances. A 1 year leave of absence, if not too financially risky, may be a wonderful compromise between working and SAHM. Good luck with whatever you decide.
This is exactly how I feel. I am a RN though, so I was fortunate to be able to find a 4 day a week position, so I do like having that extra day. I know teachers don't usually have that opportunity.
I'm not going to talk you out of it, just talk you through it. Your son would be around 9 months old at the beginning of next school year, right? And you'll have this summer off. So you'd be home with him from around 6-21 months old? I would only consider it if you really love the idea of being a SAHM to a toddler. It's a very fun age. On the other hand, I feel like my son started to really benefit from daycare and being around other kids around 1 year old. He's 18 months now, and he LOVES going to "school." They do fun activities every day, and he learns a lot there. I'm not the crafty type, and they come up with things I would never think of doing with him. But you're a teacher, so maybe you are better at that sort of thing. Honestly, I kind of think you have the best of both worlds right now, because you can spend 3 months every summer with him, but still have a career.
Going back to work is hard. It takes time to get a routine down and to become comfortable with daycare. And it takes time to start thinking like you're at work again. But you should know that it gets easier. It really, really does.
There were many times that I thought about staying home during my older daughter's first year. Now, I am so glad I didn't decided to do it. She just loves "school." Sometimes she'll start clapping when we get to daycare in the morning, and some days she doesn't want to leave in the evening. She talks about her friends and will sometimes give them hugs at the end of the day. I also think DC has been really good for her language development (she talks a ton), and that she has a lot of knowledge that she probably wouldn't have if she was home with me all day. She counts to 20, she knows her ABCs, and she knows what sound every letter makes.
My 12 week-old just started daycare this week. I miss her tons during the day, but I didn't have any hesitation about leaving her at daycare. I know she'll do well there, just like her sister. It's amazing how much different I feel about it this time around.