Baby Showers

Shower for surprise baby when siblings are 11 and 15 yo?

Just curious as to what the "rules" are in this situation. My sister-in-law (41) just found out she's pregnant (surprise!) with her boyfriend of a year. 

Her daughters are 15 years old and 11 years old - she is divorced from their father. 

So, what are the rules when it comes to "showering" her and this new baby? She obviously has NOTHING for a baby anymore since it's been over a decade since she had an infant.

For the record, I'm not saying I think she should have one or not, but someone asked me if she WAS going to have one, and I honestly don't know. Is it innappropriate for someone to give her a small shower and call it a "sprinkle"? Or is it okay at this point since it's been so long? Is the whole thing, no matter how you do it just tacky since she already had a shower for her first child 15 years ago? 

ETA: I know that this doesn't change if someone thinks it's tacky or not to have a "sprinkle" for her, but she does not have a lot of money. At all. So if friends/family were going to do something for her, it would fill a HUGE need.

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Re: Shower for surprise baby when siblings are 11 and 15 yo?

  • I'm not sure if it's tacky or not but this is close to my situation. This is my second but my husbands first. My daughter is 8.

    His best friends wife started talking about a shower the second she found out we were expecting. She is planning what sounds like a bbq more than a shower which I think is just fine. It's more of a sprinkle and no one is going to try cutting strings to guess how round I am.  

    His side of the family doesn't seem to think it's rude at all because this is his first. They all seem really excited. My side knows I don't have any baby things anymore and think any excuse for a party is a good idea plus they would have bought something after the baby was born anyways. This way they get cake and bbq out of it.

  • image liltatgirl0280:

    I'm not sure if it's tacky or not but this is close to my situation. This is my second but my husbands first. My daughter is 8.

    His best friends wife started talking about a shower the second she found out we were expecting. She is planning what sounds like a bbq more than a shower which I think is just fine. It's more of a sprinkle and no one is going to try cutting strings to guess how round I am.  

    His side of the family doesn't seem to think it's rude at all because this is his first. They all seem really excited. My side knows I don't have any baby things anymore and think any excuse for a party is a good idea plus they would have bought something after the baby was born anyways. This way they get cake and bbq out of it.

    Congrats to you! Yeah, if there were to be something for my SIL I think it would probably be more like a BBQ "Sprinkle", but I'm not 100% sure of that.  It will be her boyfriends first child, but from what I understand he doesn't have a lot of family so it's not like they're going to get showered from his side.

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  • Showers are celebrations, not needs drives.  Since your SIL is already a mother a shower would not be appropriate.  I'm sure that if people wish to give her gifts they will, even without a shower.
  • I don't think it's tacky at all.  She hasn't had a baby in over 10 years.  ::shrugs::
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  • I am pregnant and having a shower because my other child is 15 years old and I have nothing left. I wasn't sure if I would but almost everyone thought I was crazy for thinking otherwise.

    I don't see it as tacky at all!

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  • I'm not a fan of showers for second babies, but I think this would be just fine.  I'm betting that outside of family (who understand the situation and would likely want to help), the people invited to her first child's shower aren't going to be invited to this one.  
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  • If it were my friend, I would go to her shower! A lot of the people in her life now may not have been in her life then. I'm sure people want to celebrate and support her. I hate that whole you're already a mother so you don't deserve to be celebrated attitude. People wouldn't offer if they didn't want to.

    I've happily gone to SMALL parties for 2nd and 3rd time moms where gifts weren't expected. I didn't know them when they had their other babies and had a great time buying them a gift.

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  • i would treat it like a first baby shower... there is more than a decade difference! jmo, I would not find it tacky at all
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  • It would be great to give her one, regardless of her other childrens ages, this baby should still get one! Now that's just coming from where I live, its not unusual to have a shower a second or even third time! And I would def go if it was a relative or friends shower I was invited too!
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  • image 4everbridesmaid:

    I am pregnant and having a shower because my other child is 15 years old and I have nothing left. I wasn't sure if I would but almost everyone thought I was crazy for thinking otherwise.

    I don't see it as tacky at all!

    4everbridesmaid: Obviously YOU would not think it is tacky since you are having one yourself.  lol  Hopefully you are not also hosting it yourself!

    OP:  Because it has been so long plus the fact that the MTB is not hosting it herself I would go - even though I'm in the "showers are for first time mom's only" camp.  I think the BBQ idea is great and maybe it could be somehow incorporated into the invite that gently used items would be appreciated.  That way she'll most likely get a lot more things that she needs and of course a lot of people will still bring new items as well.  Probably wouldn't hurt for her to hit up resale shops, mom's to mom's sales, garage/yard sales, etc. herself.

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  • It's perfectly OK to have a shower for her. In my huge circle of family and friends, every baby gets a shower no matter what. I never heard otherwise until I started on these message boards.
  • I think a Baby Sprinkle would be very, very cute in this situation! I would definitely go to something like that without thinking twice, even a small registry would be appropriate.
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  • Please ignore the ignorant people out there that will insist a second shower is never appropriate. I understand that etiquette says not to...but honestly when in modern society do most of us follow these etiquette "rules".

    I for one do not turn over my fork to alert my server I'm done with my dish (GASP)

    also showers are about supporting a pregnant woman and showering her with gifts. I actually think it is more rude to buy everything for your baby, and say "Oh, we don't need anything." People want to participate. 

    I'm a FTM, but as a second child looking through my baby book and on the Showers Page seeing "Tracy didn't get any showers because she was the 2nd child" stunk on ice. It made me feel less special. 

    I say celebrate it up! 

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