Something Different.... FIL Rant(long)

jp0129

DH's parents are very well off and have always provided for their children. FIL is the type to spoil his children bc he can and wants to give them things he didnt have. Which is good up to a point.

So DH calls me yesterday to ask permission to buy a set of golf clubs. He said I will put in on the compay credit card and pay my dad back. I said no. Golf clubs are not a priority right now and we dont need anymore monthly payments than we already have. Besides his clubs are about 3 yrs old and as of May its going to be hard for him to play golf as much anyway so I dont see the point in spending the money.  He said well I am buying new clubs next year no matter what. I explained I dont care about next year. I am focused on now. Well he calls me back and says dont be mad but I got the clubs anyway. My dad said I could. I was LIVID! He explained that he is going to mow and do yardwork for his dad to pay him back. Well my MIL comes over to help me hang stuff in teh nursery and she is just as mad as I am. She then tells me that DH and FIL agreed that that would just be his bonus rather than getting one in June. Ummm NO. I can think of better things we can do with his bonus than him buy golf clubs. Especially since that is when I will be on Maternity leave and we will need the extra money.  So that p*ssed me off even more. I found that very selfish, I put my commission check in our account and pay bills with it every month.  I dont go buy myself useless stuff.  So when DH gets home he has no idea I know about the bonus so I said. Tell your dad to take $25 out of your check every week till its paid back. He was mad but oh well. He knows I will mention it to his dad too so he better do it.  I am so mad that even though I said no we cant spend the money my FIL went against me and told him yes anyway. I am sorry but I am his wife he is not a child and shouldnt go running to mom and dad bc his mean old wife said no to him. I flat out told him mom that her son is a spoiled brat. She said I know. I explained that now I see why when I say no we cant afford to do something he throws a tantrum bc he didnt get his way. I love my FIL and I understand his intentions but I feel like he pinned DH and I against each other and I dont appreciate it. He should have respected what I said and told his son no.

joshandpanda

WOW! I can't believe first off your H would do that, then to top it off, your FIL doing what he did... 

I hope your H says something to him about paying him back... but I am with you on if he doesn't say anything, that you should...

GL! 

elviebird

I think this is more of a DH problem than an FIL problem. I mean, your FIL should not have done that, but he probably didn't think that hard about the situation and just wanted to get your DH new clubs.  Your DH, on the other hand, should have known better than to spend his bonus on something you clearly disagreed with.  I agree that he sounds a bit spoiled.  I'd be pissed too.  You should tell him that you're going to take $500 out of your shared account to buy yourself a spa day and he can worry about paying the bills.  Ugh.

chloebeth930

I really don't think your FIL is at fault here, it is 100% your DH. Your DH needs to grow up and act like a man/father to be.  It doesn't matter if your FIL said it was OK or not. You said it wasn't, your DH should have just listened and left it at that.  If your FIL pushed the issue saying that DH could pay him back by doing yardwork (what is he 10 years old), then he just should have said that he really can't right now but appreciates the offer.

jp0129

Yeah I put my foot down that he isnt using his bonus. He mows yards with his brother once a week for his spending money. I told him he needs to give that to his dad too. I think it just bothered me that he my MIL told him that I said no bc we cant afford it and he knows we need the bonus more and he still told him ok.  My FIL forgets that we are not in the same financial situation as they are.

Manda3596

Oh, I would be SOO mad at my husband. We unfortunately just had the exact same situation ... my H cashed in his change jar (which amounted to a very large amount, $1700). Well, he told me he was just going to LOOK at gun safes. Yeah, he bought a $1200 gun safe, after I specifically told him that we could do with one that was $600 or $700 literally two hours before, and he swore he wasn't buying one. I was soo livid. I am the same way ... my bonus checks ALWAYS go to pay off things. I don't just go spend money on myself, especially right now (we're finishing the basement as well).

babyruth88

elviebird:

I think this is more of a DH problem than an FIL problem. I mean, your FIL should not have done that, but he probably didn't think that hard about the situation and just wanted to get your DH new clubs.  Your DH, on the other hand, should have known better than to spend his bonus on something you clearly disagreed with.  I agree that he sounds a bit spoiled.  I'd be pissed too.  You should tell him that you're going to take $500 out of your shared account to buy yourself a spa day and he can worry about paying the bills.  Ugh.

I completely agree with this. and I would do the exact same thing with the $500

he does need to grow up and be a man. my husband and I were having some problems and I finally said he needs to cut back like I do on money spending so we can have a comfortable amount of money in savings for when Ava comes. who knows what we will need when she gets here

davisas2323

Your husband's actions are not only disrespectful of you as his partner, but disrespectful of your relationship and trust. I would be pissed and demand he return the clubs or say that he would be responsible for that amount of family expenses alone while you're on maternity leave.

While your FIL's influence was unappreciated, your husband is the one who said yes and handed over the card. It would be one thing if he saved up for a while and finally got them, which is what he should of done.

Sorry you're having to put up with that, especially when you set aside your income for the family. You're in the right here.

LilMonster2

davisas2323:

Your husband's actions are not only disrespectful of you as his partner, but disrespectful of your relationship and trust.

 

babydawson

Manda3596:

Oh, I would be SOO mad at my husband. We unfortunately just had the exact same situation ... my H cashed in his change jar (which amounted to a very large amount, $1700). Well, he told me he was just going to LOOK at gun safes. Yeah, he bought a $1200 gun safe, after I specifically told him that we could do with one that was $600 or $700 literally two hours before, and he swore he wasn't buying one. I was soo livid. I am the same way ... my bonus checks ALWAYS go to pay off things. I don't just go spend money on myself, especially right now (we're finishing the basement as well).

How big was that jar?!? Dang, our last change jar was $50