Ugh...I'm driving myself crazy...is this normal? — The Bump
Adoption

Ugh...I'm driving myself crazy...is this normal?

So, we've been on the waiting list for just over a month. Not long, I know. I still can't stop thinking maybe the Dear BM letter isn't quite right, or who is looking at our blog, etc. I know this has all got to be fairly normal, especially for those of us with an IF history who have been on the roller coaster of becoming parents for a long time. But I just want to double check with you all.

The blog gets hits every other day or so from the agency's website, but I can't tell who it is, so who knows who is looking at it.

I checked in with our SW today - to find out if there was any negative feedback on our Dear BM letter and if we could get a copy of our homestudy (we want to send it to an attorney friend in my hometown (in another state) so he can also help us). SW said she wasn't able to give us a copy of the homestudy because it contained criminal records and background checks. Strange, since we have spoken to 2 attorneys in other states who have both asked us to send them a copy. Hwo am I supposed to send anyone a copy if my SW can't give us a copy of it to send??

Then she said that only one BM has seen our profile and letter and there was no negative feed back.

Then she mentioned how crazy busy she has been with all the new BMs and babies.

Now I am peeved. There are 18 people on the waitlist at our agency that I am aware of. If there are so many babies, why are none of us getting matched?

Again, I want to believe these are all the same feelings everyone else has while they wait for a match, but could you all just reassure me? I'm dyin' over here.

 

Cervical Cancer Survivor since 2007 TTC Since 2008 IUI#1 = BFN IUI#2 = BFN IUI#3 = BFN IUI#4 = BFN IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN FET #3 = BFN IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = BFN FET #4 = BFN FET #5 = BFP!!! 06/10/2011 Miscarriage 06/21/2011 Adoption Application Submitted 09/2011, Personal Documents Submitted 11/18/2011, Home Visit 12/16/2011, Officially Waiting!!! 01/21/2013 MATCHED!!!! 01/24/2013 Baby Boy Born! Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: Ugh...I'm driving myself crazy...is this normal?

  • Welcome to waiting :) 

    It seriously can make you go mad if you let it! 

    A few thoughts-

    1-  I doubt that a BM will ever give negative feedback about your letter/profile.  They are not a critic. Rather they are waiting for one to resonnate with them.  It's not that yours is bad... it's that they loved something about another profile. 

    2-  I ran into the same problem with criminal clearances w/sending out homestudies.  I can only speak to CA law but our homestudy overview could be sent and a letter attached referenced the criminal clearances.  There's some funky law that says that you can't share criminal background.  It was't written with adoption in mind but some agencies interpret it that way.  I nearly pulled my hair out with this issue.  I am happy to talk more to you offline about how we circumvented the issue. 

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  • image lafayettegirl:

     

    Then she mentioned how crazy busy she has been with all the new BMs and babies.

    Now I am peeved. There are 18 people on the waitlist at our agency that I am aware of. If there are so many babies, why are none of us getting matched?

    Whoa, deep breath!  Keep in mind that it is a social worker's job to make sure birth parents make the best decision for them.  A caseworker may work with an expectant mom for several months before a decision is made.  Or, someone may want to may an adoption plan, but need some time before she's ready to start looking at profiles.  Remember that you ultimately want to be matched with someone who has given this careful consideration and has seriously considered all of her options.  So perhaps your caseworker is busy with lots of those situations.  Who knows?

    I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your letter.  When the right person reads it, she'll feel a connection.  

     Waiting is so hard . . . and yes, you are normal.  Adoption turns us all into the ultimate over-thinker.  ;-)

     

     

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  • THANK YOU!! Both of your responses really help.i appreciate you bringing me back to reality!

     

    Cervical Cancer Survivor since 2007 TTC Since 2008 IUI#1 = BFN IUI#2 = BFN IUI#3 = BFN IUI#4 = BFN IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN FET #3 = BFN IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = BFN FET #4 = BFN FET #5 = BFP!!! 06/10/2011 Miscarriage 06/21/2011 Adoption Application Submitted 09/2011, Personal Documents Submitted 11/18/2011, Home Visit 12/16/2011, Officially Waiting!!! 01/21/2013 MATCHED!!!! 01/24/2013 Baby Boy Born! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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