Is anyone else on here considering adoption?

annalisel

Just looking for kindred spirits who may be reaching the "enough" point with TTC but is not quite there. DH absolutely wants a child or children and we are considering our options.

All I've done so far is some reading. Even if IVF#2 gets us a baby, we'd want to adopt a second child.

ameliasmom

I think if we had met earlier my DH and I would consider it but with me at 40 And DH turning 49 in a couple month it would make us too old to enjoy them as young adults. 

Strunella

Yes, and we've already done quite a bit of preliminary research.  And then I got really discouraged!  I feel like domestic adoption is out of our reach because we can't "compete" with younger couples.  What birthmother is going to pick an old couple to raise her child?  So, then we started looking into international adoption and went to a seminar at a local agency.  Many countries weren't options for us because we weren't married long enough, or didn't fit the age range for an infant, or the wait was ridiculously long (China is now 5+ years), or crazy expensive (Russia is $35,000).  Our international options are limited.

I've always wanted to adopt (DH is adopted) and still hope that we can somehow make it work down the road.  But now we are also considering DE for #2 if I am not able to have another LO. 

Country Girl in the City

Strunella:

Yes, and we've already done quite a bit of preliminary research.  And then I got really discouraged!  I feel like domestic adoption is out of our reach because we can't "compete" with younger couples.  What birthmother is going to pick an old couple to raise her child?  So, then we started looking into international adoption and went to a seminar at a local agency.  Many countries weren't options for us because we weren't married long enough, or didn't fit the age range for an infant, or the wait was ridiculously long (China is now 5+ years), or crazy expensive (Russia is $35,000).  Our international options are limited.

I've always wanted to adopt (DH is adopted) and still hope that we can somehow make it work down the road.  But now we are also considering DE for #2 if I am not able to have another LO. 

I have done some serious research into adoption.  I have heard from people "why don't you just adopt?"  Most people don't realize how hard it can actually be to adopt.

Amyaggie97

We have started talking about and we will likely be at the end of our assisted TTC road soon.  It has always been a possibilty for us.  We would probably use the same agency my brother and SIL used and they take older couples since they were in their mid 40's when they adopted.  I have some friends that used another agency but their cut odd is 40.

chicagobride_07

Yes- absolutely we plan to look into it.  I am not sure how far we are willing to go down the road of ART- probably not to IVF.  The girls on the adoption board seem to be very welcoming and a good resource.

dalm0m

We are also considering adoption.  Ideally we'll do both. 

Initially I too was very discouraged by the process.  We are too old to adopt an infant from many countries.  Given the various attachment disorders that can develop I'm not sure we have the parenting skills to risk an older child.

While you may have to "compete" in the domestic market there are agencies that do the selection not the birth mothers.  They are few & far between but we foudn one. 

The website www.adoptuskids.org gives me hope. 

annalisel

Strunella:

Yes, and we've already done quite a bit of preliminary research.  And then I got really discouraged!  I feel like domestic adoption is out of our reach because we can't "compete" with younger couples.  What birthmother is going to pick an old couple to raise her child?  So, then we started looking into international adoption and went to a seminar at a local agency.  Many countries weren't options for us because we weren't married long enough, or didn't fit the age range for an infant, or the wait was ridiculously long (China is now 5+ years), or crazy expensive (Russia is $35,000).  Our international options are limited.

I've always wanted to adopt (DH is adopted) and still hope that we can somehow make it work down the road.  But now we are also considering DE for #2 if I am not able to have another LO. 

From what I've read, I can definitely see getting discouraged. I am somewhat heartened by the occasional stories of newborn adoptions by couples in their early 40s. Also, we live in an area where first pregnancies after 35 are common. We are, however, open to older child adoption too.

I've also always been interested in adoption and thought we'd have one child through pregnancy and then adopt a second, probably 2-4 year old. I'm still hoping this will be case. In this case, we'd save up for the international adoption as I'm of an ethnicity where the country adopts out internationally.

annalisel

I have done some serious research into adoption.  I have heard from people "why don't you just adopt?"  Most people don't realize how hard it can actually be to adopt.

Thankfully I haven't gotten this comment. I'm sorry people have said it to you. I think I'd answer on the lines of "Why didn't you just adopt?" 

annalisel

Thanks for all the replies. I'm glad to see we're not alone.

annalisel

dalm0m:

We are also considering adoption.  Ideally we'll do both. 

Initially I too was very discouraged by the process.  We are too old to adopt an infant from many countries.  Given the various attachment disorders that can develop I'm not sure we have the parenting skills to risk an older child.

While you may have to "compete" in the domestic market there are agencies that do the selection not the birth mothers.  They are few & far between but we foudn one. 

The website www.adoptuskids.org gives me hope. 

Thanks for the posting the website. It seem so positive! 

mtlaurel

We've seriously considered it. For now, we're not ready, but that's not to say we won't rethink it if/when DE fails for us. To be perfectly honest, the process scares the living daylights out of me, and I don't know if our marriage can handle it. IVF and DE IVF failures we can handle. But, my DH has a less than desirable history so I could see the personal invasiveness of adoption being very difficult for us, which is sad.

red1115

We're at that point due to the fact that neither of us is entirely comfortable with the odd of success with ART has shown us so far.  (esp for the cost!!)  DH is extremely open to adoption, but at my (ahem) "advanced" age, I'm not sure how succesful we'll be with adoption either (due to age restrictions)  domestically or internationally. 

Because either path is being paid out of pocket, we're more inclined to investigate adoption at this point due to the odds being greater than conception at this time for us.  Both of us are adament about being parents and we're open to older children and siblings groups, but unfortunately, there appears a strong push that adoptive parents "accept" a special needs child and are made to feel guilty if they don't.  (sigh) Somedays it seems like parenthood is just a beautiful dream.