I've noticed more and more lately that DD is having a really hard time when SS goes back to BMs. He was here over the weekend, and Sunday evening and all day yesterday were terrible for DD. It seems after he leaves she throws a lot more fits than normal. When I get her somewhat calmed down and ask her what is wring its usually that she wants her brother. I can only imagine how hard it is for her to understand them being together 24/7 and then all of a sudden he is gone for what must feel like an eternity. How do you go about explaining something like this to a 2 year old and handling the fits when all she wants is her brother?
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Our youngest son used to cry hysterically everytime his favorite aunt would leave after a visit. We would have him call her so he could hear her voice/talk to her on the phone. It would usually make him feel better. He was 8 years old though. I don't know if that will work for your 2 year old. I do think it is awful cute how much your DD loves/misses her brother though.
Our DDs are about the same age, and we have the same problem.
DS only sees XH a few times a year, so we don't deal with it frequently. But the last couple times she's had to say bye to DS, she's gotten VERY upset. One time she was just sad, and kept looking for him all over the house. The other time she was really angry that he was doing something she wasn't.
We mostly just try to distract her. We take her out to pizza, or to the local aquarium and try to do small things she really likes. It doesn't make up for her brother, but I'm hoping she'll start to see it as her one-on-two time with mommy & daddy.
I find that my SD will feel badly and not really be able to convey what is upsetting her, so she will latch on to something she knows should be upsetting (the dog that died a year ago, missing her mom, losing her soccer game, etc...) and cry and carry on about that.
Try and remind her that her brother is coming back and when. Maybe mark the day on the calendar. Offer to help her write him notes or color him pictures.
And then remind her that no matter what we are feeling there are acceptable ways to act and not acceptable ways. When we are sad or frustrated it's okay to say "I miss my brother", but it is not okay to throw yourself on the floor of the grocery and have a fit.
I know it's gotta be hard. And I worry about how I will explain this to my DD when she is older too. Good luck.
Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
My DS goes through this sometimes. I let him cry and validate his feelings. I tell him I know he's sad and misses his brother. Sometimes we will color a picture for him. Sometimes we make phone calls. Sometimes we mark on the calander how many days it will be before he comes back. He's getting more used to the routine now.
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I do not have any advice but unfortunately you will need to treat it just like you would if you had a niece visit for a weekend. It sucks but at this point I would just be careful not to talk up their relationship beyond what she is able to handle, that will hopefully come with time.
More importantly, how is she 2 already!!!
Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies
Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
DS does this when SD leaves as well, his biggest issue is that SD gets to leave with daddy and DS has to stay here with me, he gets so jealous. usually when Dh gets home he goes straight to bed because he works nights, it sucks.
the past few times DS has had really bad issues with it I use it as a good bonding time for him and I. I bust out a toy he hasn't played with in a while, or let him paint or do play doh (which he has only done a few times)
not sure how often you have visitation, but if its every other weekend could you maybe take DD to the playground after SS leaves? or maybe make sunday nights your pizza night where you go out for pizza? something to "distract" her from ss leaving but at the same time something she looks forward to doing every weekend with just you and dh or just you?
Re: DD throwing tantrums when SS leaves
Our DDs are about the same age, and we have the same problem.
DS only sees XH a few times a year, so we don't deal with it frequently. But the last couple times she's had to say bye to DS, she's gotten VERY upset. One time she was just sad, and kept looking for him all over the house. The other time she was really angry that he was doing something she wasn't.
We mostly just try to distract her. We take her out to pizza, or to the local aquarium and try to do small things she really likes. It doesn't make up for her brother, but I'm hoping she'll start to see it as her one-on-two time with mommy & daddy.
I find that my SD will feel badly and not really be able to convey what is upsetting her, so she will latch on to something she knows should be upsetting (the dog that died a year ago, missing her mom, losing her soccer game, etc...) and cry and carry on about that.
Try and remind her that her brother is coming back and when. Maybe mark the day on the calendar. Offer to help her write him notes or color him pictures.
And then remind her that no matter what we are feeling there are acceptable ways to act and not acceptable ways. When we are sad or frustrated it's okay to say "I miss my brother", but it is not okay to throw yourself on the floor of the grocery and have a fit.
I know it's gotta be hard. And I worry about how I will explain this to my DD when she is older too. Good luck.
I do not have any advice but unfortunately you will need to treat it just like you would if you had a niece visit for a weekend. It sucks but at this point I would just be careful not to talk up their relationship beyond what she is able to handle, that will hopefully come with time.
More importantly, how is she 2 already!!!
DS does this when SD leaves as well, his biggest issue is that SD gets to leave with daddy and DS has to stay here with me, he gets so jealous. usually when Dh gets home he goes straight to bed because he works nights, it sucks.
the past few times DS has had really bad issues with it I use it as a good bonding time for him and I. I bust out a toy he hasn't played with in a while, or let him paint or do play doh (which he has only done a few times)
not sure how often you have visitation, but if its every other weekend could you maybe take DD to the playground after SS leaves? or maybe make sunday nights your pizza night where you go out for pizza? something to "distract" her from ss leaving but at the same time something she looks forward to doing every weekend with just you and dh or just you?