We had BFing problems from the start. I have 1 inverted nipple, DD wouldn't latch on well & tore it up. I wound up with an infection that took 3 different antibiotics & a month to clear up. DD also would cry at the breast almost every time I nursed her. I felt she was crying because my supply was low & she wasn't getting enough. We finally broke down & supplemented - first we tried a dropper, then a SNS, and finally a bottle. I couldn't even EP because I would only get 1 oz or so every time I pumped. I started to get depressed, & wasn't sleeping b/c I would nurse her & then pump after, and DH works 36 hours straight every 4 days so I'd have to nurse, then give her a bottle, then pump, every 2 hours. I tried all the supplements, they didn't work. I tried pumping every hour around the clock for over 2 days straight. That didn't work. By the time I was able to get myself out of a funk enough to drag myself to a LC, DD was almost 6 weeks old. My nipple finally healed, the LC said DD was latching fine & helped me make a plan to transition her back to the breast (she was screaming through every feeding & refusing to nurse). By 6 1/2 weeks, we were EBFing. I was so happy I was beside myself. She gained 13 ounces in 17 days. It was going great.
Then she got her 1st shot. DTaP. The next day the diarrhea started. Lasted a week. Then no poop for a week. Then 3 days in a row she had a horrible, uncontrollable screaming episode that lasted several hours. Back to diarrhea for 3-4 days. Then no poop 3-4 days. Another screaming episode. Blood & mucus in her stool. She started fussing at the breast again, and fussing went to crying went to outright refusing to nurse except in the middle of the night. Hospital visit, xrays, stool sample, bloodwork, all negative. Pediatrician visits, pediatric GI visit. After 1 month of diarrhea, the GI dr. said she had a milk protein allergy. So I cut out all dairy. Her poop improved & the diarrhea finally stopped, but she wasn't pooping regularly & the BFing was getting worse & worse. She wasn't getting enough. After feeding her for only a few minutes, I couldn't even pump more than a teaspoon out of either side. Finally last Friday night after she downed 3 1/2 oz of BM an hour after I nursed her, and another 5 ounces 2 hours after that, I decided that I was losing my milk, I was wasting away on a very difficult milk-free diet, she was going hungry & I decided she needed more consistency & less stress & that it was time to stop BFing. I nursed her that night & that was the last time. I've basically been crying since then.
I really didn't want to wean, I did it because I felt it was better for her, rather than put her all over again through the stressful nursing session followed by a bottle followed by her sitting & watching me pump when she wants to be held. All week she's been crying in her sleep & even had a nightmare the other night & woke up hysterical. I'm blaming myself for her sleep crying. I feel like she feels abandoned by me, even though I've been trying to give her lots of extra love. I keep thinking about going back to nursing again, cutting all dairy and soy out of my diet & pumping for 2 weeks until I'm clear & then nursing her again. But I don't want to be selfish & just do that because I'M sad we're not nursing anymore. She's probably less stressed on the bottle. DH thinks I shouldn't put either of us through the same stress we went through in the beginning all over again. It's not like she was nursing well when we stopped.
Anyway, I'm so sad & I miss it so much & I feel like I've abandoned her & I keep questioning my decision over & over. Would you ever consider "un-weaning" after all of that, especially knowing you had to following a very difficult, extremely limiting diet AND didn't have a good supply from the beginning? Or would you let DC have consistency in feeding & try to give them comfort & effection in other ways?