Something (hopefully) younger moms don't have to worry about — The Bump
Parenting after 35

Something (hopefully) younger moms don't have to worry about

I'm nearly 42 and I have a busy, active, fun, amazing 2.5 year old son.

And my 69-year-old mother is very ill.  She spent two weeks in the hospital from aspiration pneumonia, as a complication from Parkinson's Disease. She is currently in a care center (rehab facility/nursing home) and cannot move, cannot speak (though she manages to communicate via a letter board) and is not improving. I'm having a hard time keeping up with visiting her and trying to keep on top of her health, as my dad seems to be overwhelmed, and also keeping on top of my own life and my son's health and Early Intervention sessions?and now, possibly, ear tubes since he has fluid that isn't draining and mild to moderate hearing loss from that.

It's hard being an "older" mom of a toddler. Not that I think I'm OLD... but I truly hope that younger moms on the Bump have younger parents with better health.

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Re: Something (hopefully) younger moms don't have to worry about

  • {internet hugs} I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I know you have a lot on your plate right now & this is easier said than done, but don't forget to take care of you.
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  • Sorry Robyn you are going through this. That is tough. Sending you positive vibes to find the strength and the best way to deal with the situation. I hope the things turn much better for you ASAP. Hugs. 
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  • Oh, no!  I'm sorry you're having such a rough time now and I'm sorry to hear your mom isn't well.  My parents both had some health issues over the summer, and it was absolutely exhausting working full-time, trying to visit them in the hospital/rehab after work, and still spend time with DS.  And I'm an only child, so it all falls on me.

    I guess I can say that you're only one person, and you can only do the best you can do.  Thinking of you!

     
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  • I am so very sorry about your mom, that would be incredibly hard.  But sadly, tragedy can strike at any age.  I have friends that lost their parents to terminal illness when they were much younger & were also dealing with infants/toddlers.  One of my DH's best friends died this fall at age 42 leaving two young kids.  No matter what the age a person is, dealing with illness & sadness & such just sucks.  I truly hope that you have the support that YOU need to get through this time. 
  • I totally understand. Both my parents are in the hospital right now (although my father and I aren't speaking). It's just so hard. I work a full time job, commute an hour each way, and find myself running errands all weekend. I am only giving bits and pieces to any one person in my life. It's very overwhelming. Although, I do think tragedy and hard times can strike at any age.

    Robyn, I am so sorry about your mom and hope her condition improves. 

  • Left Hug

    I'm 41, my mom is 67 and my dad is 70. So I know the day will come that I have to help them out and make decisions for them. Hopefully that won't happen for a while but you never know at this age. We are the "sandwich" generation.

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • imageilovemygirls:
    I am so very sorry about your mom, that would be incredibly hard.  But sadly, tragedy can strike at any age.  I have friends that lost their parents to terminal illness when they were much younger & were also dealing with infants/toddlers.  One of my DH's best friends died this fall at age 42 leaving two young kids.  No matter what the age a person is, dealing with illness & sadness & such just sucks.  I truly hope that you have the support that YOU need to get through this time. 

    I do realize that tragedy can strike at any age, but I guess my thoughts were that with aging parents and young children, it's hard to be in the middle. I HOPE (truly hope) that younger moms have younger parents themselves. I feel like my son won't really know my mom.

    And I don't really have much support besides my BFF and my DH works in NYC and can't really be there as much as he'd like.

     

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  • So sorry you're dealing with this R.

    On a related note...  I'm sad for Charles.  He has just one grandparent.. my mom.. who lives back in Iowa and only visits once or twice a year at best.   My father died 18 years ago, and DH's parents both died nearly that long ago as well.

    Charles also only has a couple of cousins.. the youngest who is 12... the oldest is in his mid-20s.  None of them live here, either.

    He does have a few second cousins that are closer to his age.  But it just seems so devoid of close family for him.

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  • Yeah, I can understand that...  It's hard to be a different age from your cousins. Even though I'm only 6 years older than my closest in age female cousin (I don't count my one male cousin as he doesn't want me in his life and I don't really care), the age difference played a role in why we're not really close.

    Thankfully Aaron has 6 first cousins (DH has 2 older siblings) and his one cousin, Georgia, is only 5 weeks younger than him. I worry now that he's going to be the only child of older parents. I hate that this burden will be on him and will learn from my parents and get a good long-term care policy.

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  • ::hugs girl::

    I'm still so sorry about your mom. And yeah, it's hard having older parents. Both of mine are in great health, but my dad's almost 72 and a lifelong smoker. I wouldn't trade him for anything, but I am envious of young moms who have super healthy, active 50 something parents. 

  • I'm sorry you're going through this! 

    Can I ask how long your mom's had Parkinson's?  My MIL was diagnosed with it (and then un-diagnosed??   She's batshitcrazy though so I don't know the truth)  and I'm just wondering what we're in for - google isn't helping.

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  • sorry you are dealing with all of that.  Left Hug  BTW, tubes are a very easy surgery, quick recovery and have made a world of difference for my two.


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • Sending you hugs.  It is so hard to be a parent to a young child while trying to help your aging parents.  I am 41 and my parents are 71 and luckily still in really great health.  DH's parents are in their mid 60's and not doing as well.  Years ago, my mom who is a social worker, did a lot of work with the "sandwich generation" - the people taking care of both their own kids and their aging parents.  If you look up the term, I bet there are books and maybe even some support systems out there.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • I hear you on this one.  I am 40 and between DH and I we have only one living parent left: my mom who is 76.  She had a stroke and is in the beginning stages of dementia.  It sucks.  So sorry you are going through this. 
  • imageLauraLynneC:

    I'm sorry you're going through this! 

    Can I ask how long your mom's had Parkinson's?  My MIL was diagnosed with it (and then un-diagnosed??   She's batshitcrazy though so I don't know the truth)  and I'm just wondering what we're in for - google isn't helping.

    It took years to narrow down her diagnosis. We knew she had a neurologic disorder but it first emerged as only an orthostatic tremor (her leg would shake when she wasn't moving). That was 10 years ago. The Parkinson's Diagnosis was only made when my DS was 2?though she likely had the disease for far longer.

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  • imagerobynlesley:
    It took years to narrow down her diagnosis. We knew she had a neurologic disorder but it first emerged as only an orthostatic tremor (her leg would shake when she wasn't moving). That was 10 years ago. The Parkinson's Diagnosis was only made when my DS was 2?though she likely had the disease for far longer.

    Can I pick your brain a little more?

    How did they come up with the diagnosis?  My MIL has had tremors (I mean can't fill her coffee more than 1/2 way without sloshing it major tremors) and her primary doctor diagnosed it as Parkinson's and then referred her to a neurologist.  The neurologist asked her to count backwards from 100 by 3 - when she could do that without hesitation, he nixed the parkinson's diagnosis.  But I've seen other issues, major coughing fits - she turns pale and really can't stop coughing!  There have been MAJOR personality changes, she's mean, has no social filter (told a co-worker to "Go Eff herself"), and a few other things.  I'm not around her much - see "personality changes" above (I've become enemy #1 in her mind for no reason what so ever) but I'm worried about her and her lack of addressing this potential health issue....anyway...maybe you can point me to a good online resource for family members?

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  • LauraLynneC,

    I'm not really that knowledgeable about Parkinson's, despite my mother's illness. To me, it seems like your MIL is having some sort of tremor disorder and possibly other neurological deterioration. Dementia is a possibility you may have to consider. I hope not, but what you're describing sounds off.

    Maybe check out the National Parkinson Foundation: https://www.parkinson.org/  There is a lot of info on Atypical Parkinsonism and other disorders. Your MIL may not have Parkinson's but she may have something similar.

     

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