anyone wanna be my adoption buddy

pepiono_627

After infertility treatments over a course of three years, We are adopting from China waiting child program and I am so nervous/scared...these feelings overpower my excitement. And I am even questioning if we gave up fertility treatments too fast. We did two IVFs and my eggs were suspected for all my early losses.

Plus, we just relocated and I dont have any friends. I love my wonderful DH.. but there is something to be said about regular chit chat with GIRLS. And girls who are not pregnant. My FB page seems to have blown up with baby 1st trimester u/s.  Needless to say, I unactivated my account for now. My grief for not having bio children comes and goes. And recently, it has been full force. Ultra sound pics dont help.

I would love to exchange support with someone that is going through what we are going through... and gets it!

Thanks for reading.

 

ETA: I am getting crickets...I know Im new here. So sorry if Im coming off as being weird and desparate. I just need someone who gets it.

 

CaptainSerious

The beauty of this board is that everyone is so supportive.  We haven't teamed up into "buddies," but there is always someone around who's going through the same thing, or has, and can give you the support or advice you need, just at the right time.

Stick around, and I bet you'll grow to love the group here.  I started my adoption process in 2008, and have been here since.  I've seen so many families grow, it's and each time it's so amazing to see how it all comes together.  I've made some really amazing friends here, and I'm sure you will, too!

pepiono_627

Okay. Thanks for the clarification! I appreciate your reply. Good luck on your trip to Peru!

CaptainSerious

I also didn't mean to blow you off, and there might be someone who would like the added support of teaming-up, and that would be great.  I just didn't want you to feel like you were being ignored.  Since we're a relatively small group, you tend to get to know all the regular posters pretty quick, and this isn't something we've done.  That's not saying it can't be something to start, you know?

As for your fears overcoming your excitement, that's very common, I think.  In my experience, it ebbs and flows, depending where we are in the process and what's happening.  This is my second time through the process, so I'm pretty chill compared to last time, but even still I have my freak-outs from time to time.

Right now, for example, you'd expect me to be overjoyed, but all I can think of is the fact that we still don't have our final approval due to a discrepancy in paperwork, we haven't decided if we're going back to M's hometown yet, I've got a million things to finalize here before we go that aren't even related to the trip (wills, M's child study team, M's school project, a cub scout thing, therapy appointments, work assignments and arrangements for my leave, etc.), and this was supposed to be my nice, easy three-day weekend to pack get our final arrangements in order.  It's crazy, and I'm so bogged down with all the "stuff" I can't even let myself rejoice over my new son-to-be!

Last time, I was so worried something would go wrong, I didn't allow myself to truly enjoy it until we were back in the US with M.  At that point, he was legally ours and a US citizen, and I knew nothing and nobody could take him away.

What I'm trying to say is that adoption is a very emotional rollercoaster, with huge highs and really bad lows.  Just hang on and commit to making it through the whole ride, and you'll make it to the best reward in all the world:  your child.

You WILL be a mom.  Even when it doesn't feel like it, take our word for it.  You WILL be a mom.

kgs0505

I know what you mean about wondering if you stopped IF treatment too quickly.  I used to go back and forth during our wait sometimes too, but then I'd remember all the money we spent on something that never worked, even for 5 minutes, and what a toll the process took on me physically and emotionally.

The wait is apbsolutely the hardest part of the process.  There are other low points too, like we had a failed match, but in the end we went home with the baby that was supposed to be our son. 

Good luck with your process and come back and ask questions or vent about the process.   It's a great board for that!

pepiono_627

CaptainSerious:

I also didn't mean to blow you off, and there might be someone who would like the added support of teaming-up, and that would be great.  I just didn't want you to feel like you were being ignored.  Since we're a relatively small group, you tend to get to know all the regular posters pretty quick, and this isn't something we've done.  That's not saying it can't be something to start, you know?

As for your fears overcoming your excitement, that's very common, I think.  In my experience, it ebbs and flows, depending where we are in the process and what's happening.  This is my second time through the process, so I'm pretty chill compared to last time, but even still I have my freak-outs from time to time.

Right now, for example, you'd expect me to be overjoyed, but all I can think of is the fact that we still don't have our final approval due to a discrepancy in paperwork, we haven't decided if we're going back to M's hometown yet, I've got a million things to finalize here before we go that aren't even related to the trip (wills, M's child study team, M's school project, a cub scout thing, therapy appointments, work assignments and arrangements for my leave, etc.), and this was supposed to be my nice, easy three-day weekend to pack get our final arrangements in order.  It's crazy, and I'm so bogged down with all the "stuff" I can't even let myself rejoice over my new son-to-be!

Last time, I was so worried something would go wrong, I didn't allow myself to truly enjoy it until we were back in the US with M.  At that point, he was legally ours and a US citizen, and I knew nothing and nobody could take him away.

What I'm trying to say is that adoption is a very emotional rollercoaster, with huge highs and really bad lows.  Just hang on and commit to making it through the whole ride, and you'll make it to the best reward in all the world:  your child.

You WILL be a mom.  Even when it doesn't feel like it, take our word for it.  You WILL be a mom.

I didnt feel blown off at all. I appreciate your reply and your kind words. Its so refreshing to hear of someone elses experiences and that my feelings are normal. so Thank you!

Go_Dawgs

Hi!  Welcome to the board!  The girls here are very supportive and encouraging, so post often

What area did you move to?  Who knows - there may be girls on here who are local to you.  You may also want to try meetup.com.  I found an adoption group in my area on that site, although I haven't had time to attend a meet up. 

inlovewithB

In the beginning of our adoption process we continued fertility treatments. I wasn't ready to close that door. We actually won a free IVF cycle and were in the beginning of that cycle when we got matched with DD's birthmother.

Now that I am a Mom to the most amazing little baby girl I can't imagine going through another IVF cycle (even though it will be FREE). The emotional and physical toll IF treatments took on me was too much, and the risk of another miscarriage is so scary. It is hard to close one door and start a new path. I say all that to let you know the feelings you are having are totally normal.

silliestbunny

Welcome!!!  Many of us will be your buddy

Tell me more about the WC program... I am curious... what sort of disability do you expect?  It something that intrigues me but I've not really explored.

(as a quick intro.... mama to the two girls in my pic below.  both domestic adoption.  they are 8 months apart... and so much fun!!  we hope to be a family of five... three kids/two parents... but that's a ways down the line)

kgs0505

I forgot to mention that I have a friend IRL who adopted a WC in China. She was about 18 months old when they traveled. She has a cleft palate/lip. It was fairly minor, but requires a serious of surgeries.

pepiono_627

silliestbunny:

Welcome!!!  Many of us will be your buddy

Tell me more about the WC program... I am curious... what sort of disability do you expect?  It something that intrigues me but I've not really explored.

(as a quick intro.... mama to the two girls in my pic below.  both domestic adoption.  they are 8 months apart... and so much fun!!  we hope to be a family of five... three kids/two parents... but that's a ways down the line)

We are looking at the children that have minor and correctable needs but are still developmentally on target. We are mainly considering cleft lip and palette but theres a long list of thisngs that are considered minor and correctable. But making sure that developmentally and cognitively they are where they should be is very important to us and from what I have read, it is very possible.

Your family is beautiful, BTW!

mommytoconnor

This is the right place for you.  Ever since I came onto this board I have had such great advice and support from others.  Even if you just want to vent or share something, people on here are so supportive and non judgmental.  I adopted my son last year and I can't imagine life without him.  I did a domestic adoption thru foster care so my situation was a little different, but in the end it's the same.  Be patient and have faith that you will be a mom.  I was told by a friend that I had to wait so long(4 years) because my child had not yet been born, and I truly believe that. Feel free to post often even if you just want to vent or get support.  There's lots of great ladies here.