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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
MamatoA2010
member
How have you adjusted to motherhood?
MamatoA2010
member
And go!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How have you adjusted to motherhood?
I haven't.
Which is why I'm in therapy.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
It took some therapy at the beginning, but other than that just time and letting go of worry about 'what other people might think'.
Yup!
I also drink a lot more wine.
My Attempt @ Motherhood {blog}
Wow. Good to know I'm not alone!
I don't think I've adjusted very well some days. But other days I do. So...I guess it just depends on when you ask me. LOL
The adjustment is WAY HARDER than I anticipated though.
It has been a struggle. I was a perfectionist and I was also probably super obnoxious and judgey. Perfectionism and motherhood don't mix well. Nothing happened the way I had "planned".
I am now much more laid back and I go to counseling to help me work through things. I really enjoy being a mother but it is tougher than I ever could have imagined.
I guess I now drink a little less only because I'm too tired to drink it.
This.
this is pretty much where I stand as well. Infant/baby was harder imo and now E's sorta fun, still a hand full, but more fun for me anyway.
Now that DD will be here in a few short weeks... I am sorta side eyeing myself wondering what I was thinking. 2 and done. That's what I'm thinking. You're almost done. 2 more years... And she'll be his age then it's All Good times! ...Right?!
I'm still not sure some days. I think I'm doing much better with the concept that I never know what the day (or night) will bring and that I have to often get creative with housework/bills/etc when C's around. I accept that I have to get up before 5am to exercise most days, and I'm starting to enjoy that 'me' time before he wakes. I was also one of those moms who didn't feel all-consuming love right at birth. I loved my baby and felt completely responsible, but it wasn't until C started walking and babbling more that I really feel completely amazed and awed by him; that was reassuring.
I still worry that I'm being selfish any time I think about looking at the internet and watching tv while C's awake, and I feel so grateful for his bed times most days. Some days I wonder if I really have the patience to really be a mom for the rest of our lives. I'm also dying for DH to get a job because that means C will be back in daycare again, and I can book a day off of work with the Whole House to Myself every now and then. The chaos feels more 'normal' but I don't always like it.
ETA: I think the concept that you 'forget what life was like before LO once they arrive' is complete BS.
There was a similar thread about this a few days back. Here's what I had to say about motherhood...
It is the most monotonously exciting thing I've ever done. Meaning, every day seems like the day before. Yet so much changes in just one month that it's hard to wrap my head around. I think being a mother will continue to grow on me for the rest of my life. I haven't experienced that rapture on becoming a nurturer yet. A lot of times I'm so tired that I don't get a chance to reflect on any of it. I'm always learning because I'm not one of those people that was "born" to be a mother.After pretty bad PPD, I'm learning to embrace my new lifestyle. I've also grown to understand the difference between actual parenthood and the notion of it in my mind prior to having DS.
This, especially the last sentence. I haven't forgotten a thing and I'm still not ready to give up the ghost of my old life.
That said, I find that it's becoming more challenging. She's certainly more fun now but also more defiant. The limits of my patience are being tested and going forward I'm going to have to continuously check myself in that regard.
I hope I can reassure you when I say it was SO much easier the second time around for me. I wasn't adjusted to motherhood until my second was born. For whatever reason, I feel so much more comfortable with 2 than I did with just one.
Im sure it's not that way for everyone, and the sleepless nights and crying infant stage are still difficult, but my paralyzing anxiety about motherhood and the resentment I felt with my first are almost gone this time. Not sure what the reason is... Maybe it's just that the big adjustment from none to one was already made or that I'm able to accept the change more readily?
I totally disagree. It's very hard for me to even imagine what I did with my time before I had my son. I remember things I did, obviously...I just don't remember how I lived like that.
But I was only 22 when I had DS, and though I had moved across the country, had jobs, ended up back home again...I hadn't done much living as an adult, so maybe that's why I don't really remember. It was more of a transition from my life being controlled by my parents to my life being controlled by my child.
I am with those of you that had a difficult time in the beginning. Liam was a difficult newborn due to reflux and I had a high stress teaching job with a 45 minute commute both ways. I also hated staying home with him over the summer when he was an infant because the days just dragged and I felt trapped. BF didn't work out and I had serious difficulty with my hormones post pregnancy that made me a crazy mess of PPD. Then, when Liam was 6 months old, I contracted a case of mono that stuck around for over 2 months and in the middle of that also contracted bronchitis. Motherhood plus my job was taking a serious toll on my health.
Now that Liam is more independent and I have changed jobs (less stressful and a 3 minute commute) I am able to take better care of myself and I am actually enjoying being a mom. Before everything was a chore, was so rushed, just felt forced because I was always exhausted. Now I can actually take time to enjoy my son and take him out to do stuff and just relax about everything.
I'm holding you to this:)
I've actually adjusted pretty well, but DD's been SUPER easy. That's why I'm terrified of having #2 and why I didn't even want a #2. Everything's been good, so why are we potentially messing with that?
I totally have not. I'm in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. I want to take care of my child but sometimes the PPD/PPA consumes me that I get very anxious. Right now I am at a point while I am able to physically care for my child, I always defer to dh though. If he's not home I have to make myself believe I can do it and I do and have fun doing it but once dh gets home it's like there's a switch in my head that shuts off.
During the day I am ok. It's the nighttime bedtime routine that gets me. And I know why it does. It's because I'm afraid he won't wake up in the morning. You see my sisters 14 month old son. My nephew died in his sleep. Of unknown causes. There was an autopsy and investigation and everything. It wasn't SIDS. They called it SUEDC. Sudden unexplained death of a child. They have no idea why. They put him to bed like usual then in the morning my sis went to wake him up because he hadn't woken up on his own. And well my beautiful nephew was now an angel in heaven.
I feel like I've adjusted pretty well. I enjoy being a mom, and my new lifestyle. Sure there are days where I wish I had the freedoms that I did before we had a baby, that's normal. But I dont dislike or resent the way things are now. I also feel very fortunate in the respect that I did not have to deal with any sort of PPD, which I know is such a real and common thing for so many. I didnt really have that overwhelming rush of "ohmygoshilovemybabysomuch" right at the beginning, it was definitely a gradual buildup. But I felt comfortable with motherhood from the beginning, and it's only gotten better for me.
I think the hardest thing for me has been learning to focus on my marriage. We certainly dont have a bad marriage, but I feel like DH and I's relationship kind of gets lost in the shuffle of everything else. So I am constantly learning how to keep it a higher priority.
Sorry about the serious health issues.
I hope you don't need either of the surgeries you mentioned.
It was a lot to learn and it was a big change. Hubby and I have been together since high school and we went out and grew up in the big world together. Then all of a sudden, we felt it was time for a baby. I loved being pregnant. I love being a Mom.
It wasn't all easy though. I had gestational diabetes and I was VERY hard on myself about that. If my blood sugar was even a little high, I'd beat myself up and would sometimes cry. I felt I failed her if it was a little high (later the doctor told me that every now and again it's bound to be off and I eased up on myself).
When she came, I didn't feel that overwhelming love everyone says they feel when you first hold them. I think it was because I was so tired. I held her and tried to comfort her. Then they took her away to bathe her. I honestly didn't get sad when they took her because I felt I needed a break. When she came back, I felt the love. I can see the love in my face in our first family pic. But I was very scared... because I had never even changed a diaper before. She pooped right away and hubby changed it because I was scared to.
She was very high needs up until maybe 7 months, then it started to get a little better (she was slightly mobile then, a booty scootcher). Now that she's crawling and cruising she's even less high needs. The high needs thing was tough.
Basically, I had no experience in taking care of a baby. So I had to learn everything. I called the nurse line a lot in the first few months. Now I feel a lot more comfy with everything and now I'm the one changing most of the poopy diapers. I also change other poopy diapers since I now work at a daycare. I know so much more now than I did a year ago, it's awesome!
I have much more to learn in the coming years. But I feel I will be able to take each challenge as it comes. I know it's ok to be human, nobody is perfect. Sometimes after I've had a horribly stressful and tiring day, I find something to laugh at. It feels so good to laugh, that I end up laughing my butt off. Then my daughter just looks and me and pretends to laugh too lol.
I think I have adjusted pretty good to being a mommy. I love it.
I do think it has its ups and downs, and just as you get used to doing things one way, I have needed to re-adjust.
With a 14 month old, who is on the go, not walking, but climbing is a lot different then this time last year, when she was content in her carrier.
Also, DH has a difficult schedule which since his promotion is 8pm to 4am and that has been a huge adjustment along with his rotating days off. Prior to that his days off rotated and he switched back and forth between 8am to 4pm and 4pm to midnight.
So I think I have come to terms with the fact that its not just 1 adjustment, its an ongoing adjustment that constantly has us thinking ahead and planning ahead.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Would it help your anxiety at all if your LO slept in the same room as you (maybe he/she already does)?
I had many different times of adjustment. I had a terrible pregnancy, so at first I was just so very happy not to be pregnant anymore. I had an awful time with breastfeeding causing a lot of frustration. Then when I went back to work, I became a walking zombie. I had a lot of resentment towards working so much/ never getting a break. I was also resentful of my DH. DH was so helpful during my maternity leave, but he sort of backed away on it when I went back to work, and then started traveling for work, so it was a big adjustment.
Finally around 10-11 months I pinned DH down (he was trying to avoid this conversation), so we could strategize on how to make things easier for me/us. We came up with me going to work earlier, and having set days that we washed the cloth diapers. This helped a lot so that during the week I only focused on DS and work. DS also got a lot easier now, no more pumping at work, no more bottles for the daycare, able to feed himself etc.