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What the f is happening to my life?
Sorry ladies, I really hate to be such an AW today...
Earlier I logged into our sprint account to see if you cound in fact see any yext history. All you can see in the number of texts. I just tried to log back in to see what my data usage said (apparently very high could be another sign of spyware) and now the login info doesn't work.
This is all while he's sending me texts saying how much he loves me and wants to work on everything.
I just don't know what's happening.....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What the f is happening to my life?
Thumbs up to this (Chrome user)
I think you need to have a very serious conversation about his trust issues and seek counseling ASAP.
That is strange. He can get text alerts if someone logs into the account, he knows you looked, and he changed it.
He seems really paranoid. It doesn't make him a bad person that he has trust issues, but the fact that he won't just be an adult about it with you and address it head on is strange.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. You 100% need to have a talk tonight. Reassure him that you love him, but make it known that you do not appreciate or approve of his behavior. If he is not up to seeking a solution (like counseling for himself, or both of you) then I'm not sure what else to do. He has to get to the root of the problem, and it obviously isn't you.
If your name is on the account too, change the password again and in turn find out all his texts. If someone is so accusatory, they are probably doing something wrong.
Also the conversations you had with that guy, if you werent telling your dh about them right along, give him reason to be suspicious. It is wayyyyy easier to lose someones trust than it is to regain it. You really did screw up a little.
He started going through my phone last night and asking all sorts of odd questions about cheating and wanting to cheat etc etc asked if I was hiding anything. This morning I find out this is in reference to (male) college friend I had short text conversation with on sat. DH mentioned conversation being inappropraite. Only possible issue was when friend said his trip would have been better if he had gotten to see me (he was close but not close enough to get together - us and our spouses) said texts were deleted as happens with many texts.
DH said he knows about all my texts because he gets them from sprint (which I have come to find out isn't really possible)
I'm sure this will raise a million questions, but most of those answers are in the long thread. The spyware one isn't really important in the scheme of things.
Wow! This gets better and better. Your husband is really twisted or you've really given him a reason. I don't know which one it is but either way your marriage is doomed. I'm sorry but you guys need some counseling and fast. Or you can just get divorced now.
what precisely has OP done that is nuts?
its not confirmed that he installed spyware on her phone. it sounds like he just said that he can see all her texts which probably means he could see her texting a new number frequently. and the password change could be as simple as he forgot it and had it reset.
Right. Thats the best guess right now that he did something to my phone, but I don't know. He still stands by that he can get the info from sprint which as far as I can tell is not true.
And the password...I just logged in earlier this morning (since making the first post) and was able to get in. Now I can't. The password is the one he uses for all that boring stuff (cell phone, netflix, etc) He didn't forget it.
This. It sounds to me like she's reeling and doesn't know where to turn
lol at the troll trying to defend the husband. Naturally.
OP, I say again-- make sure that you are safe.
There isnt some magic thing he can do to your phone! He saw the new number you just started texting, thats all. Really, he should have already known you were talking to the guy if you guys are a normal couple "hey honey guess who is nearby and we are discussing maybe all of us meeting for dinner" you were being a secret sally. dont deny.
well, I know women are naturally too emotional and unreasonable and all, so maybe it's just OP's natural barrier of estrogen that makes Gravy thinks she's nuts.
Work computer
I delete most of my text threads that I have no need to save (I say most simply because sometimes I'm too lazy) He played 20 questions last night and kept telling me he knows more than I think he knows but I honestly had no idea what he was referring to. I finally told him that if he could not tell me what I had supposedly done to drop it. It was not until this morning that he told me what texts this was all in reference to. He's telling me that he saw the texts because he can get them from sprint. I'm about 99% sure HE is lying. Am I being a little AW with the multiple posts? Yes. But all of this has gone done within the last 13 or so hours and I'm overwhelmed and confused. I'm typically very much a regular on this board and posted because I knew I could get some honest feedback to help sort out my thoughts and what is or might be going on.
It could be a sprint thing. I would try it again in a little bit and if it still doesn't work casually ask him if he changed the information.
Sorry you are having hard times but I am guessing your H is reading these things on yoru phone and not via sprint. Is there some reason he doesn't trust you now? Or has he always been things way?
My H is a bit lacking in self-confidence and sometimes will make remarks towards me and other guys. (Like guys in my study group at school.) But have talked about it and for the most part I know he is just joking.
I hope that you guys are able to talk this over and work on things, if that is what you want.
After reading your threads i thought i would try and help. I have not read each message so i might be off or you have checked these things but here it is:
There is no way possible for him to get your messages from the company. Unless there is illegal activity going on the police can only access these things.
Since you first messaged on facebook - now when you delete your messages by pressing that little x on the right of the messages it now goes to a archive which holds everything you have ever said to anyone on facebook. If you did not go in there and delete the whole conversation it is still there. (Theres a scroll down bar above the messages) He could have your password if it was on your phone that you were on facebook lots of phones instantly sign into or stay signed onto facebook.
If he didnt have your password he could have keylogged the computer - which everything you say or do he can see. This only applies to computers.
He could have received the phone bill and calls and texts the number appears he could have seen a odd number called it and a man answered.
You could have chat logs that he was able to see.
Some deleted messages on your phone can go into past history.
From what i have gathered is that he must have seen the number or message on facebook and seen that you two were planning a get together and became suspicious. Unless he knows nothing and is trying to trick you into confessing something acting like he knows. (I did this with my ex when he was cheating because i knew and he kept lying and even though i told him i knew he still thought he could lie)
Other than those things and you deleting your messages he cannot get texts, he is lying and he has not seen the messages. However if you arnt doing anything wrong there is no need to worry. You can always ask him to see these mysterious messages from the company he claims to have.
However if he was acting normal then all of a sudden a switch went off and you are not doing anything wrong. Lots of men act strange or accuse their spouse if they themselves are cheating - not 100% but it happens frequently.
I absolutely think the lack of trust in any relationship is a threat to said relationship. So yes they need counseling asap or can watch their marriage slowly fall apart.
Daisy - I never deleted (or attempted to) any of the messages from fb. I just don't bother. I left my fb open last night on my laptop and this morning it was open to those messages (it was the fb email type thing), so I know he saw those. Its the texts he keeps saying he can see.
Our phone bill does not shows specific phone numbers, and even when I logged into the account online I could only see the numbers that had been called, not texts.
In my first post several people suggested he may have put some sort of spyware on my phone. I have looked in to this bit, but so far I have no idea if this is the case.
True. We're an open bunch, and we're pretty discreet, too. I don't see why people need AEs when seeking advice.
I'm just not much for getting invloved in drama, let alone being the drama...lol sorry to disappoint!
PEOPLE, YOU CANNOT TELL WHAT NUMBERS ARE TEXTED TO ON SPRINT'S WEBSITE.
It is impossible that he's questioning her based on that.
And, yes, that needed to be yelled. Maybe you can on Verizon or AT&T or any other company, but all you can see on Sprint is how many texts were sent during the current billing cycle or on your bill. NO numbers are listed.
This conversation happened on Sat, DH wasn't home. I deleted the texts once the conversation was over. Not in a hiding things way, just because thats what I normally do.
There was never really an attempt to make plans. I knew they weren't close enough for us to get together on such short notice, he just wasn't remotely familiar with the area and asked. It's been 5+ years since we've seen each other, and could easily be that long before we're close enough again for it to even be a possibilty. I just didn't feel there was anything to mention. Had I known this was going to come out of it, believe me, I would have!
Gravy, you're being an asshoIe. Really, you are. I'd be the first to call her crazy if she was being crazy. Trying to figure out wtf it all means is not crazy.
Deleting texts is not shady. I delete shits all the time because there's no need to keep it. I'm a minimalist.
I agree she needs to confront the husband personally and not over texts, but not because it's immature-- because she should be using this time to investigate. And she is. She's rightfully confused about how he's acting and how he's getting his information.
I also agree that having an open conversation is best. After you've done a little legwork.
Mother of God-- she's an AW because she's upset and defensive about her husband acting like a controlling tool? Your latent misogyny is showing again.
This.
I agree that the relationship is not healthy. But if my husband was being a total asshoIe or if I thought he was spying on me in some way, you can bet your ass I'd be arming myself with information before having it out with him. You're stupid if you think otherwise.
And I see nothing wrong with asking friends or "friends" for advice.
I repeat, you are being an asshoIe.
Guess I'll explain...again. He called me after he left for work this morning. We argued, this is when he said that if I'm talking to other guys he should know about it, especially "those type" of conversations. I gave him a WTF and told him I had a meeting (true) and had to go, and hung up. He tried to call back but I didn't/couldn't answer. This is when he sent texts. Now, correct my if I'm wrong, but if I just refused to answer wouldn't that look like I had something to hide, only making the problem worse?
And the only account I have checked in OUR joint sprint account. Yes, he is the "primary" because someone has to be. But it's our phone plan. I've never had any need/desire to look into because I didn't care and he's always handled the phone bill. So I wanted to see what might/might not be true before I started spewing off accusations. After all, that seems to be what started this in the first the place.
Nothing has been normal since all of this started last night, hence the title of this post.
Oh, and I gladly accept your nomination for President.
"Lurking" from 9-12 months. As someone who was in an abusive marriage with an actual sociopath and had to run away and "live in hiding" until the divorce was final, get. out. now. Seriously.
My ex was doing stuff like this to me, and then I found out *he* was the one having a crazy text message/email affair with a woman who didn't know he was married. She and I got together and confronted him, and it turned out that he was really dangerous--threatening to us both, etc. Be careful.
Mac and cheese lover!
This. If I had drama I actually wanted to discuss with you ladies, I would not want knowing of the drama to color any other discussions I had, nor would I want the pity that goes with it. I would definitely do an AE and understand why this person did.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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You stand corrected. Refusing to discuss this until you can have said discussion face to face is being a grownup. He needs to understand that you are not having it out with all of y'alls personal crap when you are at work; that is not the appropriate time or place and never will be. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know that if its that important an issue, then it needs to wait til you are both home and can focus on it instead of halfassed working it through via text.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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