Moms of 2+

DuffOliver

Will you give it to me straight, please?

When I was pg with Jillie, people tried to tell me that having a child puts some strain on a marriage, and I don't think I paid enough attention. It took us about a year to figure out how to make things work and get back to a good place, if I'm honest.

We have had such a good thing going, and I'm really open to hearing about how #2 changes the dynamics again, things that helped you adapt, etc. Esp since we'll be bringing a new baby into a home where a nearly 3 year old will have reigned supreme for nearly 3 years.

Thanks!

Sulla

Drinking heavily takes the edge off for me.

 Just kidding! I didn't know you were pg again. Congrats!!

PinkPiano

I think the hardest part (for us) is we just don't have time to talk.  We need kid-free time to talk about careers, goals, finanaces, holidays, etc..  With so little time to sit down and discuss these things we sometimes have miscommunications which of course can lead to a spat. I think that's our biggest difficulty with having 2 children.  Thing are chaotic at times but that can be overcome easily enough in most cases...it's just having a lack of "us" time that is tough.

 

 

shopgirl78

We didn't have nearly the problems that we had with DD mainly because I didn't have as many issues (baby blues, major tear, etc).  For those reason, I truely feel that when N came home, he slide right in.  The hardest times for me (in the beginning) was feeding times and bedtime.   DH went from a silent, non-helper to a little more hands on.  I required that (despite his business growing) he was at home for at least bedtime.   (IMO, that's not too much to ask).   We did have some stressful times.  He tends to be a little more paranoid, freaked out (over colds, bumps, bruises) than me so we don't always see eye to eye on issues

shouldbeworkin

It was not pretty for us.  I think #2 was worse than #1 and #1 had colic.  So, that's saying a lot.  The biggest change was much less "me" time for both of us and much less couple time.  I think things would have been better if we'd made couple time more of a priority, we just weren't very creative in trying to find ways to make it happen until there was a big old wall built between us.  And by then, there was so much built up that it started to trickle out every time we were alone.  It wasn't much fun to be together anymore and then it just became a vicious cycle.  We eventually broke that cycle and we have our priorities straight now.  But, if I had to do it over again, I would make sure to schedule some couple time each week.  I think it helps, a lot.

DuffOliver

Sulla, my midwife always says, "the screaming isn't as loud once I've had a glass of wine."

Obviously, for a few months now, the screaming had been louder again.

DuffOliver

Thanks, ladies! Keep it coming!

 

rach&jay

We just don't have time for us anymore.  The girls aren't sleeping so it adds to sleep deprivation and misc disturbances in our house. 

Communication has helped us, although we still are both exhausted and feel like we do so much yet there is still so much more to be done. 

DH was never a big help and I recently got a book for him to read. It has made a big difference in terms of him helping.  But if your DH is already a help, then that's a non-issue.  We now keep lots of lists that help us keep track of tasks. 

Now that the girls are a bit older we will start getting a babysitter once in a while.  We need to work on us too and remember that our marriage is important.

DuffOliver

I'm lucky - he probably does more around the house than I do - I'm just thinking there will be less time for either of us to do what we do to keep the house running.

But I think being aware of it this time will be good, and we will definitely have to find ways to get out together. My ILs are good about making themselves available to babysit.

This is really helpful, thanks so much.