Dance teacher thinks my child is autistic

sprovieroj1

I'm not sure what to do, I have an 18-month-old son. He's very shy, but understands what we're saying and talks at home. He knows a few words, which he should for his age, but won't talk in public groups. He's in the 100% for his height. So here's what happened last week at his dance an music group. It's for children 1-5 and he's the same size as the 3 and 4 year-olds in the class. The teacher relayed a story to me about another student she had that they thought was autistic but turned out to just be def. This was out of nowhere and she pulled me aside from the group for it, so she was indirectly telling me to get him checked out. His pediatrician says that he's right on target for his development  and thinks that it's just because he looks much older than he is. We're still going to the class, but now I feel as though he's being judged and recieving special treatment because of it. I don't know how to handle the situation, should we just keep going to class or find another one?

sarahbear713

I have a 16 month old who is the same way---talkative and fun at home but shy and wont talk in public.  He goes to daycare and is the youngest in his toddler class right now.  My Pedi told me at 18months we would start looking at signs of Autism (ie - no interaction with others, no eye contact, etc.).  I told my pedi my thoughts currently and he told me he was developing correctly at the moment and would not worry.  But the thoughts have run through me when we go to the park with my friends (who have young ones too).  I think its a good idea to get your child involved in a dance class at his age.  I would be a little upset with what the teacher suggested as well.  My mom told me I was shy when I was younger and really didnt start talking until I was around 3 in public, and I believe I turned out fine (lol).  So I think some of the shyness in my DS comes from me.  Keep your LO involved and if you have some concerns that talk to your pedi about it, b/c I'm sure they have had other parents voice similar concerns.  I would keep going to the class since your LO has already gone before and eventuallly get more comfortable with it then starting a whole new class.....

melody921

If you're pedi is not concerned, I'd just relay that to this teacher, hopefully in an attempt to silence her. I don't think non-healthcare professionals should attempt to diagnose children.

Comet4658

I think the best thing is always to say something in the moment.  It is hard though because you are in shock.  I would have told her that your pediatrician thinkks he is right on target, and that he is tall for his age making people think he is older. 

Whether you continue depends on other factors whether you like the teacher otherwise, or if the times are right for you etc.  If you decide to stay I would talk to the teacher.  If you are not feeling the class for this plus other reasons I would definitely switch. Think of a plan and a few good comebacks to other comments you may receive if you decide to stay. 

I have a very judgemental mom in the library program we go to, and I debated switching because she just goes on and on with her judgements about me (which isn't even anything bad just different from her choices), but it is the only class at that time and he loves it, so I just deal.  If she starts in again, I plan to tell her it is best not to discuss it anymore. 

scottsbride379

I don't think a dance teacher is qualified to make this decision. So she had a kid in class she thought was autistic, but wasn't. That doesn't make her an expert on autism or recognizing the signs. If your son's pedi says he's right on track with development, I think you're fine. Maybe you just have a tall, shy boy.

If you think the suspicion of autism is leading to him being treated differently in class, talk to the teacher fo sho. If you're really uncomfortable maybe there is another class your S would like.

P.S. My DS is 20 months old and is the height AND weight of a 3-year-old. Nearly 10 lbs. at birth.

PolishWonder

I think your dance teacher needs to mind her own business and shut the he!! up!

 

As a teacher who has worked with children who are autistic there are a number of factors that go into diagnosis. Your son being shy in public is not a sign of autism exclusively. I'd be livid about that unsolicited remark.

blondek8

I'd tell your son's dance teacher to stick to dance and let your physician do the diagnosing. Where'd she get her armchair medical degree?

Heather R

Lol at a dance teacher diagnosing developmental delays. Do they teach that in tap or modern?

ANJ410

A dance teacher is not qualified to diagnose autism, so in one way I would take what she says with a grain on salt. Your pedi knows a lot better what to look for and if he/she says that he is fine and on track, then I would listen to the pedi. On the other hand, if you have any concerns what-so-ever about your son's social development, it does not hurt to have him evaluated to see if there is some sort of delay or other issuse that maybe your pedi is not seeing during routine well visits.

However, it sounda like his size is the source of the teacher's concerns.  Sometimes when a child looks so much older, it is easy to forget that they are still a baby. My DH has a friend who is 6"4' and his 2 year old daughter is the same exact height as my average sized four and half year old son. When they play together, I have to keep reminding my son and myself that the reason she doesn't share and doesn't know how to "play by the rules" is because she is only 2!

 

wife1014

Heather R:

Lol at a dance teacher diagnosing developmental delays. Do they teach that in tap or modern?

this.

I would definitely tell her that your pediatrician is perfectly comfortable with his development and say "thank you for your invalid concern".  Then I would be sure to inform the director of the center.  A dance teacher should not be attempting to diagnose children she sees an hr a week in a mommy and me group.  It is completely unacceptable. 

3003girl

I'm sure she meant no harm and was trying to be helpful, but... 

Does she know how old your LO is? did you mention to her that he is just shy and the "observant type"?

We do Music Together class, which is great, and LO is VERY shy at the class. She really just sits there and stares, or asks to nurse. : But the teacher made a point very early on to say to the whole class that every child reacts differently to group situations or new situations. Some kids do just sit there and stare and absorb everything. She said it was perfectly normal, and she lets parents know this so that they don't get stressed and try to force the kiddo into doing something. She also said most kids warm up to the idea of participating, but some do not.  SHe calls them "observant learners." My LO would pick up an instrument and play it for a little while by the 8th or 9th class, but that's about it. BUT she would dance and sing and play instruments at home all the time, and loves the CD that came with the class. So she was getting a lot out of the class, just not letting it out at class. 

So, does your LO seem to be getting anything out of the class? If so, I would keep going, and perhaps mention to the teacher that he is just shy in class and does fine at home.  

Ardmhs83

ItsAllGravy7:

Does your son enjoy the class?? I don't think a dance teacher should be giving unsolicited, uninformed medical advice to parents but if she was just bringing up a concern that's not necessarily a bad thing. If your son enjoys the class and the only problem you have is that she approached you then I would continue to take him. I would not take medical/developemental advice from someone other than a professional but it sounds like you've already talked to his pedi. Maybe she thought he was older???

This exactly!

KJmashup

Heather R:

Lol at a dance teacher diagnosing developmental delays. Do they teach that in tap or modern?

Okay? My pas de bourree sucks. Is there something wrong with me? LMK.

OP, I agree with the others. The dance teacher has no business saying such things to you about your child. 

 

 

saraboston

I completely agree with everyone. She's no where close to qualified. I wouldn't hesitate to report it to her boss. 

lnelson20

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

Libby1978

I think it's pretty normal for a toddler to talk at home and not in public.  My son does the same thing.  I'm pretty certain this is not a sign of autism.

wife1014

lnelson20:

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

There is a big difference between a preschool teacher and the person who teaches a toddler mommy and me music or dance class.  In most cases the preschool teacher is a certified teacher who actually has a degree in education.  She/he had to take courses which provided them with basic knowledge on certain learning delays or disorders.  A music or dance teacher can be anyone who has that music or dance background.  A degree is not required.  Heck, my 19 yr old babysitter is also a dancer and teaches a preschool dance class.  So yes this person was way out of line.

courtneyt13

lnelson20:

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

I totally agree.

As for the OP- if your son enjoys the class then keep him enrolled. Switching to a new class would require him that much more time to get comfortable.

hmp1

lnelson20:

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

A daycare teacher that is with your child for 10 hours a day M-F is not the same as a dance teacher that is with the child and mother in a group setting for 1 hour a week.

Heather R

lnelson20:

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

Here, let me help you see the difference.

Appropriate: Teacher says, "I noticed that Special Snowflake doesn't seem to dance ever to the music.  I have also noticed that he does not make eye contact and seems extremely withdrawn.  Do you notice these things too?" followed up with "Do you have any suggestions for how I can engage him?"

What teacher did inappropriately: Anna Pavlova says, "The last time I saw a student act like your son, that student was deaf.  Have you considered an autism screening?"

 

 

 

wife1014

Heather R:

lnelson20:

It sounds like the dance teacher missed the mark here, but I don't understand all the hostility toward her in PP's posts. If my kids' music or daycare teachers notice something that concerns them I want them to speak up. Maybe it is nothing, but I would rather have the information than not. My niece has some learning disabilities and although we all knew something wasn't right, it took a preschool teacher suggesting that she be screened for autism (which is totally not her issue) to prompt my sister to get her evaluated and into the services she needs. IMHO, it is a good and caring thing.

Here, let me help you see the difference.

Appropriate: Teacher says, "I noticed that Special Snowflake doesn't seem to dance ever to the music.  I have also noticed that he does not make eye contact and seems extremely withdrawn.  Do you notice these things too?" followed up with "Do you have any suggestions for how I can engage him?"

What teacher did inappropriately: Anna Pavlova says, "The last time I saw a student act like your son, that student was deaf.  Have you considered an autism screening?"

 

 

 

hee hee. 

lite-bright

My DD1 was in a toddler class from 20 months on through the local parks & rec center. At about 2.5, one of her teachers pulled me aside to ask if we had had her evaluated, and that she "didn't seem to process things like the other kids." 

If I had come here and posted about it, I'm sure everyone would've told me to ignore her and WTF did this woman know who wasn't even an actual school teacher. Thank God I didn't. This woman took a risk in expressing some concerns about my child to me, and I could've taken offense, but instead I took it for what it was worth, added it to some concerns I had myself, and had my DD1 evaluated.

We went to my pedi -- who hadn't seen DD1 since her two-year appointment, at which point everything seemed fine -- and asked her opinion. She rec'd a speech evaluation, and the speech therapist who evaluated her recommended a full developmental evaluation. By DD1's three-year appointment, my pedi was pretty sure we'd receive at least an Asperger's diagnosis; DD1 was diagnosed with autism last March.  

Am I saying there is merit to what this teacher says about your son? No idea. You know him best, and having him checked out by EI if you have any concerns is certainly a good idea. But rejecting this woman's perspective out of hand just because she's not an MD may not be the best thing to do, either. 

Wufroggy79

I am not in 100% agreement that just because she is not an MD that she cannot make a suggestion to you.  As a teacher myself, MANY times I have correctly steered families into seeking more testing to catch ADD, ADHD, and autism.  Am I right all the time? No.  Am I glad that I say something instead of ignoring it? Yes.  If I am reading your post correctly, she just suggested it.  I take it as you can use the information as you like.  If you feel comfortable in your communication with the pedi, then this is zero sweat off your back.  

acesup

i would be uncomfortable taking him back if you feel he will be judged. 

i also want to add that it is very possible he is being judged because he looks older than he is. my niece is adopted from another country and my family got her when she was almost 2. she didn't talk much because she had been in an orphanage and then came to us and english was completely foreign to her. she has been here about a year and a half and is doing wonderfully. her speech/communication has improved greatly. however, she is HUGE for her age. She doesn't even fall anywhere near the growth chart. at 3 she is easily the size of at least a 5 year old. she is judged CONSTANTLY because people think she is older than she is. even when they know how old she is it's just a reaction to her appearance to see how she acts even though you expect something different. anyway, if your doc isnt worried - then i wouldnt worry. but if the class will make you uncomfortable or you feel he'll be judged then i wouldnt take him back.   

edited for wording. 

IncogNeato

For the record, as a public school teacher with a M.A. in early childhood education and a B.A. in developmental psych if I EVER implied that I thought a child had autism to a parent I could lose my job. Heck, I've had parents ASK me if they thought their child had autism and I had to smile and say, "I'm not a doctor but if you have concerns you should talk to your child's pediatrician."

She way overstepped. That being said, as a teacher I think I and many others are very good at spotting these things but NOT in an 18 month old. It's hard even for autism specialists to diagnose something at that age so I think this chick just overestimated his age.

I would not worry but if she brings it up again, say very pointedly,"He's 18 months old. He is barely a toddler. Give him a break."

saraboston

IncogNeato:

For the record, as a public school teacher with a M.A. in early childhood education and a B.A. in developmental psych if I EVER implied that I thought a child had autism to a parent I could lose my job. Heck, I've had parents ASK me if they thought their child had autism and I had to smile and say, "I'm not a doctor but if you have concerns you should talk to your child's pediatrician."

She way overstepped. That being said, as a teacher I think I and many others are very good at spotting these things but NOT in an 18 month old. It's hard even for autism specialists to diagnose something at that age so I think this chick just overestimated his age.

I would not worry but if she brings it up again, say very pointedly,"He's 18 months old. He is barely a toddler. Give him a break."

 

sgroff26

PolishWonder:

I think your dance teacher needs to mind her own business and shut the he!! up!

This!  Even if there was an issue, which I am sure their isn't, she has no place to say anything!  Your son sounds just like mine.  I would be concerned b/c the teacher sounds like a dipshiit! 

Heather R

IncogNeato:

For the record, as a public school teacher with a M.A. in early childhood education and a B.A. in developmental psych if I EVER implied that I thought a child had autism to a parent I could lose my job. Heck, I've had parents ASK me if they thought their child had autism and I had to smile and say, "I'm not a doctor but if you have concerns you should talk to your child's pediatrician."

Right? I have been teaching for 12 years. That is simply not how the profession is taught to operate in matters of special needs; we are instructed to keep comments to parents observational ("Jack is out of his seat often. Annie often forgets or can't locate her materials. I have also seen that she does not use folders and just puts everything in her bag together."). If I told the board (or if your kid's teacher said to you) that I said to a parent, "Preshus talks out of turn and doesn't pay attention-- howzabout hooking him up with some Ritalin?", you would all freak. Concerns, yes. Suggested diagnosis, no.

Heather R

nbeseau:

I am not in 100% agreement that just because she is not an MD that she cannot make a suggestion to you.  As a teacher myself, MANY times I have correctly steered families into seeking more testing to catch ADD, ADHD, and autism.  Am I right all the time? No.  Am I glad that I say something instead of ignoring it? Yes.  If I am reading your post correctly, she just suggested it.  I take it as you can use the information as you like.  If you feel comfortable in your communication with the pedi, then this is zero sweat off your back.  

Your district scares me if they allow you to do this. Are you a specialist? Does your school have / have access to psychologists and a sped coordinator? That is outright disturbing they let you do this haphazardly. Just because you do it does not make it professional.

Heather R

nbeseau:

I am not in 100% agreement that just because she is not an MD that she cannot make a suggestion to you.  As a teacher myself, MANY times I have correctly steered families into seeking more testing to catch ADD, ADHD, and autism.  Am I right all the time? No.  Am I glad that I say something instead of ignoring it? Yes.  If I am reading your post correctly, she just suggested it.  I take it as you can use the information as you like.  If you feel comfortable in your communication with the pedi, then this is zero sweat off your back.  

Your district scares me if they allow you to do this. Are you a specialist? Does your school have / have access to psychologists and a sped coordinator? That is outright disturbing they let you do this haphazardly.

wife1014

Heather R:

nbeseau:

I am not in 100% agreement that just because she is not an MD that she cannot make a suggestion to you.  As a teacher myself, MANY times I have correctly steered families into seeking more testing to catch ADD, ADHD, and autism.  Am I right all the time? No.  Am I glad that I say something instead of ignoring it? Yes.  If I am reading your post correctly, she just suggested it.  I take it as you can use the information as you like.  If you feel comfortable in your communication with the pedi, then this is zero sweat off your back.  

Your district scares me if they allow you to do this. Are you a specialist? Does your school have / have access to psychologists and a sped coordinator? That is outright disturbing they let you do this haphazardly.

I am hoping she is referring to getting approval by parents for evals by special ed team. At least that's what I took out of it. I am more concerned with anyone thinking this person is certified to make any of these assumptions and then why she thinks it's acceptable to tell parents what she "sees". She is not an educator.

Wufroggy79

wife1014:

Heather R:

nbeseau:

I am not in 100% agreement that just because she is not an MD that she cannot make a suggestion to you.  As a teacher myself, MANY times I have correctly steered families into seeking more testing to catch ADD, ADHD, and autism.  Am I right all the time? No.  Am I glad that I say something instead of ignoring it? Yes.  If I am reading your post correctly, she just suggested it.  I take it as you can use the information as you like.  If you feel comfortable in your communication with the pedi, then this is zero sweat off your back.  

Your district scares me if they allow you to do this. Are you a specialist? Does your school have / have access to psychologists and a sped coordinator? That is outright disturbing they let you do this haphazardly.

I am hoping she is referring to getting approval by parents for evals by special ed team. At least that's what I took out of it. I am more concerned with anyone thinking this person is certified to make any of these assumptions and then why she thinks it's acceptable to tell parents what she "sees". She is not an educator.

We are not allowed to give a child a medical diagnosis, but we are definitely allowed to inform parents of behaviors we see in the classroom and suggest to parents that they seek additional screening.

newly_naugler

I go to another class if you could. I'd be livid and I know I'd be putting in a complaint about her. She has no medical skills. If you LO can talk at home, that's proof that he's right on track. She's judging him based on his size, not his age.