Is this PPD? (really long)

res932

I have been having a horrible time recently and honestly, I don't know if this is PPD or if I am just going through a rough patch. Before getting pregnant I took Prozac for anxiety and some depression but I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I was hoping to be able to avoid going back on the medicine after the baby but now I am not so sure anymore. Let me start out by saying some days are great. Usually when baby has a good night and is cooperating I am absolutely fine. I love being a mom and I know that I am blessed with a happy, healthy baby. That being said, on days when things aren't going as well I tend to get overwhelmed and sad so easily.

This past week has been a perfect example. Last Monday it started when baby was up grunting and straining and trying to pass gas all night. I had a really hard time sleeping through it. Then on Tuesday he must have been having a growth spurt or something but he literally wanted to eat all day long. I felt that all I did all day was to feed him and change diapers. He was eating every 1 to 2 hours during the day and then it continued into the night. He would wake up, eat an ounce or two, and I would put him back to bed. Within an hour of me laying back down he would be awake and crying again. On Wednesday and Thursday night my mom helped me out and got up with the baby so that I could sleep some. Friday night DH got up with DS and I felt really good yesterday. DH gets up with DS on the weekends so I can get some sleep and then I do Monday and Tuesdays, my mom helps out on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Last night however, things got bad again. We tried putting DS down at his 10:00 bedtime, but within a half an hour he was crying and awake again, we gave him a binky and he fell back asleep...only to wake up within a half an hour again. This went on until 2:00 a.m. until he fell asleep until 5:30. After 5:30 he ate and then it was back to the same thing again.

Today I have been an absolute wreck. I know some of it is because of the exhaustion, but still. We have been trying him on formula because right now I EP and I have been all stressed out by it and we are trying to cut out as many stresses as possible right now. However, I worry that the gassiness and bad sleeping are because of the formula, but with the BM I am always worried that something I ate is making him gassy and sick too. I know I have been stressing really bad about DS's sleeping and have been trying to do everything I can to get him to STTN. I know he is still young but I am feeling so overwhelmed and desperate I see it as a solution to some of my issues since I think the sleep deprivation is feeding some of these issues. With how bad of a night last night was I am terrified of having to go a whole week with practically no sleep as my mom isnt going to be able to help on Wednesday and Thursday this week either.

DH also has a 9 year old son who is with us half of the time. I have been dealing with feelings of resentment and irritation toward SS and getting stressed out every time I know it is going to be one of the days we have him, because when SS is here is is always acting up to get attention and of course it totally upends DS's schedule. DH is also exhausted and we have been fighting more often recently. Not to mention my house is a mess and I feel like I can never get done anything I want to. I have also been trying to squeeze in 2 hours of work each day (I work from home although just quitting really isnt an option). I am only able to get the 2 hours if I can get DS to cooperate with his nap. I haven't been eating and have been crying all the time. Like I said though, when things go well I am laughing and happy and really feel as if I will be able to make it, but when things start going wrong I just get overwhelmed and cry.

Is this PPD? Some days I think yes, some days I feel that maybe it is just my personality and I am setting too high expectations of how things should be. I just don't know how to get over this feeling of being overwhelmed, stressed, and the anxiety.

janinekrause

Oh honey. I am sorry you are feeling this way.  First off-it is really hard to know if it is PPD or not. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation can exacerbate any previous conditions. My sister has anxiety and was very depressed with her 2nd for a few months. I was a mess with my first and cried a LOT for about 2 months.

Here are a few words of wisdom...BE easy on yourself- don't worry about the house, etc- it will be fine and life will go on. 2nd-you need to try and take care of yourself too- that means eating. My suggestion and some will disagree- switch to formula exclusively. EPing was so so hard for me- I was exhausted and felt like I had no time to just rest, bond with baby, etc. I stopped at 5 weeks and have never looked back. With my first, I didnt enjoy BFing and that was a problem too. For the past 3 weeks not pumping and just giving formula, I am a different person.

Also, you need to learn to set expectations low. Trying to aim for STTN at this age is too much to ask. Sure- some babies do, but most don't. As for the waking every hour or so and having an ounce- probably not hunger, but gas. Don't go to immediately feed when they cry- because often gas feels the same to them- so they will suck down and ounce and gas can get worse. Do you try gripe water? I work really hard on getting the gas out all day for my LO- and it has started helping at night. bicycling legs, on her belly, slow feeding, lots of burps, and I have resorted to the thermometer in her bum to get out the gas. I have spread out feedings and not jumped to feed her every time she cries, and the gas has gotten better. Just a suggestion- your LO may be different , but try it.

As for being tired, try try try to nap when they do. it definitely helps and something I didnt do with my first. 

Do you get out during the day? even an errand or so helps sometimes.

As for the anxiety, if you stop BFing, you can certainly try the meds again if you need them.

The best advice, bottom line, is go easy on yourself and your LO. Unfortunately, there is no controlling outcomes on how they will act, sleep, etc. There are certainly tricks but the more you force something or get anxious, the worst they are a lot of the time. 

Try your best to take some of the above advice. Get as much rest. and know that this phase passes with sleep.

And you aren't a bad mom if you need to take meds, stop BFing and rest. A happy mom is the best mom.

jat11

there are parts of days that i feel so worn out, i just want to lay down and do nothing. along with time were LO is screaming his head off and i dont know what wrong and it drives me crazy. but...i try to remember 2 things: crying is the only way they can communicate w/ us right now and what he's going thru @ the moment will pass!

if you think it might be PPD i would talk to ur doctor...it couldnt hurt and they see it a LOT, and could help u if u need it. it's better to talk to a professional to rule it out then worry about it. u have a newborn, u have enough to worry about w/ him to be think about if u have PPD or not.

GAbride2006

I am also wondering if I have PPD and can relate to a lot of the things you said. I have twins and I feel like there is never a break. My son has bad stomach problems and cries a lot and it is very stressful. I love being a mom but I am so exhausted. I have not got to sleep more than 3 hours straight since we brought them home. I do all night feedings and just quit my job to be a stay at home mom. I had carpal tunnel really bad with my pregnancy and I didn't sleep much for weeks before having them. I am so exhausted!!! I feel like one night of someone else doing the feedings would help SO much! I cry a lot and feel so overwhelmed. I go for my 6 week follow-up tomorrow so I plan to talk to my dr. 

bpwife&mama

I have been feeling similar.  I live on the opposite side of the country from any friends and family.  To top it off, DH works midnights and sleeps during the day so I am on my own all the time.  I am surviving off 4-5 hours of interrupted sleep each night and taking care of DS on my own during the day.  I just keep telling myself that he is little now and it will get better.  If you feel like it really could be PPD, make sure you take care of yourself and talk to the right people to get yourself some help.  GL!

eewhite5

I am sorry to hear that you arr going through all of that. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and I went off of meds when i became pregnant. I am back on them now because for me I know I would stress out way too much and over think every thing more than FTMs already do. It is hard to know for sure if it is Ppd or if it is just the sleep deprivation that is making you feel that way. But there is no shame in going on meds and maybe you can re-evaluate the need gor them once LO is STTN and his feedings are all figured out. This is a stressful time tryin to figure things out for you and for baby. I would talk to your doctor and see what they think also. A happy momma will equal a happy baby. Make sure you take care of yourself and things will get better. Good luck!!

SaraTF

Not sure if it is ppd, but definitely worth talking to your doctor about. Had you done anything before or during your pregnancy that would have helped the anxiety/depression that you had before getting pregnant? Lots of women feel better during pregnancy, all those hormones can help, and then the anxiety comes back after giving birth. Because women feel better during pregnancy, they're unprepared for their anxiety coming back. But, it's not surprising since your body is returning to its normal (with new stresses and lack of sleep!)

I was on anxiety meds before getting pregnant and am very aware of those feelings coming back now. However, I've done a good amount of therapy, and made some life changes that make my life much easier now. When I'm feeling stressed/overwhelmed/sad/etc. things that help are talking with my husband (who is supportive and knows not to give unsolicited advice!), getting outside, exercise, eating well and drinking enough water, and a bath with a glass of wine.

Good luck!