pleeease, help me fix this sleep habit.

CTFandme

first of all, please don't judge.  I knew this would lead to something bad down the road, but when you're exhausted you will do whatever it takes.

When we took the paci away from DS a few years ago he had a very hard time with it.  He started requiring one of us to sit with him until he fell asleep. It was usually me.  Often times I would fall asleep in his rooom while waiting for him to fall sleep since I had a newborn at the time and work full time....I was exhausted.  DH would wake me before he went to bed and I'd move to our bed.  At some point DH stopped waking me and I found myself sleeping in DSs room all night.  We've tried several times over the last year to break this habit without much success.  well, DS turned 5 in January and we said NO MORE!  I started by sitting at the edge of his bed while he fell asleep, then moved closer to the door, then finally I was in the hallway.  I can now put him to bed like a normal 5 yo.  The problem now is that he gets up at least 4 times a night.  He comes into my room to say I love you, or he'll come into my room just to say good night (at 5am). sometimes he says he's scared.  Usually he's saying he misses me and begging for me to come back.  I take him back to his room, cover him up and leave. I do not stay in there, however tempted I may be (to get sleep myself). 

How do I make this new habit stop?  Will he eventually just sleep through the night?  I'm sure it is very difficult for him to get used to sleeping alone.  What else can I do for him to help him learn to stay in his bed?  I'm open for all suggestions.

TIA.

Cbidt's girl

We had great success by giving him a penny when he stayed in his bed all night. He was obsessed with coins at the time and this was the only reward that was motivating enough. I would have paid a million $ to STTN and it only took about 15 cents . We no longer have to reward him with anything to go to sleep and stay there.

jettagurl

I agree - give him some type of reward.  Be firm. No talking when he comes to your room, no hugging/kissing, anything. Walk him back to bed, tuck him in, and leave.  

He will eventually figure out that it is not worth it for him to get up, and he'll stop.  But I guarantee it will be a lot harder on you.  It's hard to be stern with your kids when you/they are tired, whiny, and sad.  He's old enough to know that he needs to stay in bed.  I'd also discuss this when he's fully awake, like the afternoon before you start....tell him that you love him, but you BOTH need to sleep and stay in your own beds. 

I'd try stickers or pennies, like pp said.   

Maybe also take him to pick out a special stuffed animal to sleep with.  I think at Build-A-Bear they even have ones with recordable sound....you could record yourself saying, "I love you", and maybe he could press that when he's lonely.

 Be strong!

 

Zenya

I agree with a reward.  I would also talk to him during the day.  My son used to come snuggle with us overnight and when I had K it had to stop.  We told him it might be hard but when he came in we'd tuck him back into his bed.  Just the warning helped, I think.

CTFandme

jettagurl:

I agree - give him some type of reward.  Be firm. No talking when he comes to your room, no hugging/kissing, anything. Walk him back to bed, tuck him in, and leave.  

He will eventually figure out that it is not worth it for him to get up, and he'll stop.  But I guarantee it will be a lot harder on you.  It's hard to be stern with your kids when you/they are tired, whiny, and sad.  He's old enough to know that he needs to stay in bed.  I'd also discuss this when he's fully awake, like the afternoon before you start....tell him that you love him, but you BOTH need to sleep and stay in your own beds. 

I'd try stickers or pennies, like pp said.   

Maybe also take him to pick out a special stuffed animal to sleep with.  I think at Build-A-Bear they even have ones with recordable sound....you could record yourself saying, "I love you", and maybe he could press that when he's lonely.

 Be strong!

 

I will try the reward. 

I'm definitely firm when he comes in, almost mean.  I admit I'm not very nice when I'm woken from a deep sleep. I usually make him go back to bed without me, but that only results in another trip later.

We have definitely had the conversation during waking hours about why he needs to stay in bed. We prepared him the week leading up to his birthday that it was going to happen. I've asked him to tell me why he gets up, he just says I don't know.  He knows he's too old for this.

He has a build a bear Alvin doll that he sleeps with. We put extra night-lites in his room when he said he was afraid of the dark.

I think the only thing we haven't tried is a reward.  I will start that ASAP. We're thinking of going to an indoor water park in a few weeks anyway, maybe I will make that the final reward...hopefully that doesn't backfire on me!

thanks ladies.

 

AnnapolisLari

We have somewhat the same issue, but DS has gotten sneaky. He's so quiet that we don't even notice that he's crawled in with us half the time.

He starts out in his own bed, then gets up to pee around 11:30. Instead of going back to his room, he tries to divert to ours. We march him back to bed. Then sometime between midnight and the time DH wakes up at 6ish, he materializes.

I'm so tired that I can't face getting out of bed and waking myself and risking not being able to get back to sleep.

CTFandme

Lari, so glad to hear I'm not alone. 

Hopin4aBaby

We are currently going through the same thing with my almost 4 yr old.  She wakes up on average twice a night but usually 3.  Normally it's to tuck her in, alot of the time it's that she has bad dreams.  I don't really know how often she is having bad dreams or how much of it is that she and her body are use to waking up multiple times a night.  We have tried the sticker chart and she was doing well and filled up a chart but after the first filled chart she has not slept through the night much.  I'm not sure what to do anymore!

AnnapolisLari

I keep telling myself that this is probably the kid we will have to get out of bed with dynamite when he's a teenager.

 

Ciarrai

I like the rewards idea, but what about a family photo?  Does he have a nightstand you can put a photo on for him to look at when he's lonely?  And/or some music (lullaby type) that he could turn on himself when he wakes up?  

Cbidt's girl

CTFandme:

jettagurl:

I agree - give him some type of reward.  Be firm. No talking when he comes to your room, no hugging/kissing, anything. Walk him back to bed, tuck him in, and leave.  

He will eventually figure out that it is not worth it for him to get up, and he'll stop.  But I guarantee it will be a lot harder on you.  It's hard to be stern with your kids when you/they are tired, whiny, and sad.  He's old enough to know that he needs to stay in bed.  I'd also discuss this when he's fully awake, like the afternoon before you start....tell him that you love him, but you BOTH need to sleep and stay in your own beds. 

I'd try stickers or pennies, like pp said.   

Maybe also take him to pick out a special stuffed animal to sleep with.  I think at Build-A-Bear they even have ones with recordable sound....you could record yourself saying, "I love you", and maybe he could press that when he's lonely.

 Be strong!

 

I will try the reward. 

I'm definitely firm when he comes in, almost mean.  I admit I'm not very nice when I'm woken from a deep sleep. I usually make him go back to bed without me, but that only results in another trip later.

We have definitely had the conversation during waking hours about why he needs to stay in bed. We prepared him the week leading up to his birthday that it was going to happen. I've asked him to tell me why he gets up, he just says I don't know.  He knows he's too old for this.

He has a build a bear Alvin doll that he sleeps with. We put extra night-lites in his room when he said he was afraid of the dark.

I think the only thing we haven't tried is a reward.  I will start that ASAP. We're thinking of going to an indoor water park in a few weeks anyway, maybe I will make that the final reward...hopefully that doesn't backfire on me!

thanks ladies.

 

For us it was all about finding the right motivation. Stickers were useless for us, rocks in a jar were useless, a behavior chart leading to big reward worked for 1 day but when we tried the coins his behavior changed so quickly. Keep trying until you find what really motivates him.

buffalo_buckeye

Idk if it would work, but I've heard of giving tickets for them to use.  A get out of bed free card that they can turn into you for one last kiss, drink etc.  you could probably start with 2-3 and then tell him you will trade one ticket for some big gift.  Then eventually go to no tickets.?  Gl!  Sounds like you deserve a good nights sleep