What do you do when your kid refuses to be restrained?

emsumm

Maya hates getting in the carseat, and sometimes the stroller.  It makes no sense, especially the car, because she doesn't mind driving, she just hates getting in.  So, what do you do (if your kid does this)?  She rolls and stiffens and screams and generally makes it impossible to strap her.  My usual tactic right now is to try to get her to take something in her hands, which works sometimes.  But, I'd like to try to curb the behavior. 

AmericanInOz

yea Genna does that sometimes too. I usually give her something to distract herself with while I'm buckling her in - a doll she's brought from the house, or a snack or a book and that (usually) seems to work

Dreamsicle23

I am a lot bigger than my kid. I can pin him down when necessary.

emsumm

Well, I can too.  But I have two kids to buckle up 4 times a day minimum, and I'd like to work on the behavior as well as the immediate solution.  Thanks, though

ilovemygirls

I think the most important thing is to not react. Don't try to entice her, bribe her, talk her into it, etc.  Pin her in as needed without reacting- not even big praises when you do get her in.  The bigger deal you make of it or react, the longer it will continue.  Doing this won't be an "immediate" solution to how difficult it is, but in the long run, well, it's sure no fun to throw big fits when mom doesn't react.  Plus, because it's a non-negotiable thing I don't think you want to get into getting rewards or anything.  It is a frustrating thing, but it will pass. 

Brags0607

I ask him if he wants to go "Bye, Bye" and when he says yes I tell him we have to buckle to be able to go. I let him help buckle or we count the number of clicks the car seat makes to buckle him in. I also offer toys, books, or a snack  I'm sure it's tough & hope she grows out of it soon. 

emsumm

ilovemygirls:

I think the most important thing is to not react. Don't try to entice her, bribe her, talk her into it, etc.  Pin her in as needed without reacting- not even big praises when you do get her in.  The bigger deal you make of it or react, the longer it will continue.  Doing this won't be an "immediate" solution to how difficult it is, but in the long run, well, it's sure no fun to throw big fits when mom doesn't react.  Plus, because it's a non-negotiable thing I don't think you want to get into getting rewards or anything.  It is a frustrating thing, but it will pass. 

Thanks   Good points...I do praise her when she's good, and I definitely react when she's not.  I'll try your tips, instead.

Olivebeinmamma

I completely ignore it. Whether its the car seat, stroller, or shopping cart. I say something like "rules are rules and you have to be buckled in so you're safe and don't get hurt" strap her up which isn't always easy which a flailing toddler as you know and you have TWO! Once she's in and has her initial cry she's fine.

My favorite is the look on other peoples faces at the store as I wrestle her into the cart and go on my way with a screaming child. She's getting better though... It's been about 2 weeks. 

emsumm

Beanie_mrt:

We're going through the same phase right now.  It's infuriating, isn't it?

We call the carseat move the alligator death roll.  That kid is STRONG!

I try to have something exciting for him (like a graham cracker or an old remote control he hasn't seen) and show it to him right before he gets plopped in.  Sometimes it works, sometimes he flips.

Once we get going, he's fine.

 

Yup, same.  And yes, it's maddening.  The thing is, what works one time might not work the other, so I dread getting her in there, and it makes outings less fun.  Plus, it's cold here, and hate making Naomi wait in the cold stroller or car for Maya to get strapped in (and Maya's also cold during the process).  

PP, ignoring it is interesting.  She's been doing it for months now.  She is also stubborn as hell, so I'm really curious if it would get better if I didn't react.  It just suuuuuuucks.  She's a strong little bugger, and tbh, I do have to wait until she acquiesces a little bit, or it's virtually impossible.

luvmybaby28

emsumm:

Maya hates getting in the carseat, and sometimes the stroller.  It makes no sense, especially the car, because she doesn't mind driving, she just hates getting in.  So, what do you do (if your kid does this)?  She rolls and stiffens and screams and generally makes it impossible to strap her.  My usual tactic right now is to try to get her to take something in her hands, which works sometimes.  But, I'd like to try to curb the behavior. 

hopefully it is just a phase.  My lo just started the I won't go in the stroller stage again, today when it was 80 degrees out, I was sweating and panting about to fall on the ground so I just decided to hold him.  This obviously can't be done with the carseat though, good luck.  It is so hard the way they position themselves - my lo locks his legs so straight and I cannot bend them at all.

emsumm

Well, I don't really have a choice as to whether or not I give in.  We're leaving, and she's riding in her carseat.  It's more about how I address the behavior.

amykins1283

I have a technique where the second I get him to relax in the seat I place my elbow between his legs and hold him back into the seat with that which means I can just barely use both hands to get one strap over an arm and buckled.  After one strap is done he basically gives up. 

So, to answer your question, after reasoning and distraction don't work I go with "forcing the issue".  He went through a phase where he hated getting buckled but he mostly accepts it now unless he's upset about something else.

MegGary

A lot of times when DD would do this at a younger age I'd just become passive & let her have her moment. Stand there & just let her throw a fit. She'd calm down & look at me like I had 4 heads & than I'd pounce. lol Once she got over the initial "I'm not doing this your way" she'd relax about it. Now there where times once I started to put the straps on she'd start again and I'd again just let her have her moment. 

Another thing I did & still do is let her do the buckles herself. I know people don't like doing that because they worry that kids will learn how to use them. So far DD is good at buckling the top harnes but can't do the bottom & forget about unbuckling. She can't do that at all. I find if we can give them something to do than they learn to enjoy it over it being a struggle.

Now that DD is older & gets around on her own I have to reason with her more. I explain that for her safety & so mommy doesn't get in trouble with the police we need to get in our carseat. She seems to respond well to that. She understands punishment & doesn't want mommy to get in trouble.  

I hope I made sense because I haven't had my full 2 cups of coffee yet.  

 

susan1017

Check the should strap height and make sure she didn't out grow the setting. DD would act like this every time the straps needed to be reset.

DS on the other hand has always hated being restrained (even as a newborn he would arch against the straps)...fun! What works for us is a 'special' toy to sit, a cookie or anything to bribe/distract him. Works sometimes but not others so I just have learned to deal (sorry).

Good luck! 

Emmy1111

Have you seen this Janet Lansbury article? Car Seat Tantrums -- Handled with Respect.

BeachBum73

Dreamsicle23:

I am a lot bigger than my kid. I can pin him down when necessary.

This is me.  When my son is having a tantrum, nothing will distract him (at least nothing I've tried so far) and it usually ends up mom is stronger so mom wins.  Not fun.

JoannaJes

DD fights her carseat as well.

I wouldn't focus on changing her behavior. She has to get in the carseat to be safe. If you take your anxiety about her getting upset and fighting you, then it might ease the situation. I think it's just a phase some kids have, but it's NBD. I just pin her down, strap her in, give her a kiss. It's okay for her to be upset and it's okay for you to still force her in there.  

seahorse102410

I just hand him something out of my purse to distract him.  Hairbrush or lipgloss whatever.  Then you gotta be really fast!

emsumm

EllaHella:

seahorse102410:

I just hand him something out of my purse to distract him.  Hairbrush or lipgloss whatever.  Then you gotta be really fast!

Tried that.  He throws it across the car.  I've tried distractions and bribing.  He mocks both attempts.

Exactly.  I feel you, Ella.  *cops a feel*

Thank you, everyone.  It's at least nice to know that other kids do this, and Emma, I will read that article, thank you.

hopecounts

ilovemygirls:

I think the most important thing is to not react. Don't try to entice her, bribe her, talk her into it, etc.  Pin her in as needed without reacting- not even big praises when you do get her in.  The bigger deal you make of it or react, the longer it will continue.  Doing this won't be an "immediate" solution to how difficult it is, but in the long run, well, it's sure no fun to throw big fits when mom doesn't react.  Plus, because it's a non-negotiable thing I don't think you want to get into getting rewards or anything.  It is a frustrating thing, but it will pass. 

I did the above when DD went through a phase of fighting it. Eventually she accepted that it wasn't a choice and has stopped fighting me. The less attention you pay to it the faster it'll pass.

I avoided talking to DD or looking her in the face when she was fighting me so she got no noticeable attention from me. If she cooperated I'd sing songs/say nursery rhymes etc. and make it fun to reinforce the behavior I wanted.

Maybe try having fun like that with your other DD while strapping her in and then if Maya doesn't cooperate not with her so she'll see that cooperation is the better idea and not cooperating doesn't get her more time/attention then her sister.

It sucks to deal with but that's being a parent, sometimes we have to make our kids do things they don't want to even if it's a pain in the butt to force them.

Lyssapee

Distract her, ask her to hold things or help me.  I tell her we are going to xyz and act excited and talk about how much fun it's going to be.

Also I turned her around at around 16 months to FF.  She is like a new child.  She likes going "bye bye" now.

ZoeyMarie

I loosen the straps on G's carseat each time I take him out or put him in. It makes it easier for me to get the straps around his wriggling little body. When I tighten the straps, they do the "wrangling" work for me.