Adoption

Question About Birth Parent Expenses

I was just wondering if you ladies could tell me a little about what you went through with birth parent expenses, and  if you dont mind how much you spent.

In our situation the birth parents are homeless. They dont have any family that is willing to help. I talked with our agent today and she did a rough estimate of what we should be helping them with. Its gonna be about 4000. I was also wondering if any of you had to pay for housing for one month after the baby was born.

 

Thank you

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Re: Question About Birth Parent Expenses

  • I can tell you those expenses are less than we paid for each of our adoptions (different BM).  BM expenses will vary greatly depending on the laws of the state where the BM is located.  The laws will state what can be paid and for how long (including the duration after the birth).  I think the deal for our adoptions (FL and NV)  was "reasonable" expenses related to the pregnancy and 2 months pp, but I'm not positive.  I know that we paid for living expenses pp for both adoptions, I just can't remember how long.  

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  • We spent more than that for our BM expenses. We covered living expenses for 6 weeks after birth.
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  • With DD2, we spent $1100 plus a few incidentals EACH month.  This lasted for six months plus another six weeks post partum.

    It covered housing.

    But like others have said, it will vary state to state.

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  • It's very state-specific from our research. If I remember right, in CA you were required to pay for a certain amt of expenses both before and after birth. In PA, you're not required to pay any. In addition, any $ you say you're willing to pay goes into a common pot and the agency pays $ directly to the debtors (eg, landlord, electric company, etc.). We were actually encouraged not to put up much in the way of BP expenses.

    As it turned out, I think we were willing to pay up to $1-2K in medical/housing expenses. But DD's BM had a job, a place to live, and health insurance. So we didn't pay anything.

  • Thank you for your input!!    I do have to say our situation is a difficult one so far. Its going to cost us about 700 a month for housing, and then another couple hundred per month for other expenses.  Our agent told us that there are no expense limits in Michigan. So pretty much whatever the birth parents need, we have to provide. I guess I was a little shocked when she told me that. Thats why I wanted to see everyones input here. She did say that we might have to house them for up to 6 weeks after baby is born.

    This process is very tough!!  Im glad to see you ladies went through the same thing. Its nice to have all of your support. Thank you again!

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  • We hardly paid anything. The only things our BM asked for was maternity clothes (they gave her a $50 gift card) and maxipads for spotting. We spent a whopping $53. I know we are the minority.
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  • imageDanielleJoe09:

    Thank you for your input!!    I do have to say our situation is a difficult one so far. Its going to cost us about 700 a month for housing, and then another couple hundred per month for other expenses.  Our agent told us that there are no expense limits in Michigan. So pretty much whatever the birth parents need, we have to provide. I guess I was a little shocked when she told me that. Thats why I wanted to see everyones input here. She did say that we might have to house them for up to 6 weeks after baby is born.

    This process is very tough!!  Im glad to see you ladies went through the same thing. Its nice to have all of your support. Thank you again!

    Danielle - We adopted in MI.  We had $5,000 in escrow for possible expenses (believe we were required to do that), but in the end she only needed money for a couple ultrasounds and a birthing class.  So it was just a couple hundred and we got the rest back.  I think ultimately you have to do what you're comfortable with -- we were okay with a certain amount, but probably would not have been comfortable with more than that. 

     

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  • We adopted in a state that allows court approved living expenses.  We paid the entire pregnancy duration and 2 months after birth.  The monthly expense we were required to pay was about 75% of our own monthly living expense.  crazy.
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  • imageDanielleJoe09:

    Thank you for your input!!    I do have to say our situation is a difficult one so far. Its going to cost us about 700 a month for housing, and then another couple hundred per month for other expenses.  Our agent told us that there are no expense limits in Michigan. So pretty much whatever the birth parents need, we have to provide. I guess I was a little shocked when she told me that. Thats why I wanted to see everyones input here. She did say that we might have to house them for up to 6 weeks after baby is born.

    This process is very tough!!  Im glad to see you ladies went through the same thing. Its nice to have all of your support. Thank you again!

    I should have mentioned the timing of our payment.  With adoption 1, we paid after consents were signed.  We didn't get the call until after our DS was born.

    With adoption #2, we paid for one month's expense in advance and a few miscellaneous expenses.  The balance was paid at placement. 

    I have always been super fearful of paying large sums in advance.  I know it's a leap of faith, but I've never been able to get comfortable with it. 

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  • In Ohio the limit is $3,000 and our agency fronts most of it, which we will reimburse after placement.  It sounds like they sometimes pay for portions of expenses and then fulfill the rest of the payments after placement, too.  

    It's such a delicate balance between making sure BM is getting what she needs without making her feel pressured to place.  

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  • We adopted in Wisconsin, where there's a $5000 maximum.  We did not have to pay any expenses.  Our social worker said it was rare for their agency. 
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  • Willis-   I feel the same way you do. I dont feel comfortable paying large amounts at a time either. We decided that we are just going to pay for their lodging a week at a time.
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  • imagesilliestbunny:

    With DD2, we spent $1100 plus a few incidentals EACH month.  This lasted for six months plus another six weeks post partum.

    It covered housing.

    But like others have said, it will vary state to state.

     

    This is just about what we spent as well.  Like PPs said each state can vary with their laws on what can be spent.

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  • imageDanielleJoe09:
    Willis-   I feel the same way you do. I dont feel comfortable paying large amounts at a time either. We decided that we are just going to pay for their lodging a week at a time.

    Paying week by week is smart because it will allow you a way to back out.  We ran into an issue where my BM and the BF got in a huge fight and were kicked out of a hotel.  Because we were paying monthly to get a better rate we lost 3 weeks of lodging!!! 

    One suggestion I have is to look at extended stay hotels, they are great as they provide a little more than a hotel does and allows them to buy more food which will save you money as well!  Just a suggestion.

    Brenda & Phillip married 10/10/09 

    After 6 years of failed cycles, we were blessed with our little man through adoption. 
    B born 1/3/2012. Adoption finalized 12/27/12

    Back  on the IF crazy train...
    Sept 2013 - IVF #1 -  BFP, EDD 6/4/14, born 6/8/14
    Everyone welcome

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