Friend lost her baby

kjlrs

I posted the other day - my friend was 6 weeks pg from her 3rd IVF. I'm 9 weeks pg and we were comfortable telling people after hearing the heartbeat. I told her on Tuesday and we were talking about how fun to have babies 3 weeks apart and I also reassured her that she shouldn't worry about her pregnancy symptoms having gone away and that some coming and going was totally normal. The next morning she went in for her ultrasound and the baby was only developed to 5 weeks and the doctor was 95% sure that she is miscarrying. He did a blood test to confirm but she was supposed to have the results yesterday afternoon and since she didn't say otherwise I assume it did confirm.

 

I feel beyond awful. For her and her struggles, obviously, and also feeling that it's harder on her because of me being pg. I'm questioning my timing in telling her now, not that it would have been better in a couple weeks and not that I can change it. I'm going to lay low for a little while since she basically said she would need time to grieve, particularly w me. When my daughter was born, my other friend dealing with infertility cut off contact with me (even though she's now 5 mo pg from what I've heard) because it was too hard to see us after we had DD. I don't tihnk this friend would do the same, but it just feels like deja vu, I can't stop hurting my friends unintentionally simply by living our life and having a couple beautiful children.

~iLoVeHiM~

You definitely can't change that you already told her and I wouldn't beat yourself up over it....you had no way of predicting that she would loose the baby!

I would just send her a nice card, maybe some flowers w/ your condolences and let her come to you when she's ready. But for sure let her know that you are there whenever she needs but don't be surprised if it takes her some time!

 

neesernicole

oh, what you told your friend is what i would tell any friend.  you didn't do anything wrong.  i have no idea the grief or pain she is going through but I feel for you both.  ((hugs))

stacynikki

I think it's best to hear it before so it's probably best that she already knows.  I know after I had a m/c that it was more difficult to hear about those that got pregnant after my m/c then those that already were before.  Just let her know that you are there for her and laying low for a little bit is probably best.  I'm really sorry your friend is having to go through this.