Properly disciplining a 20mo?

Indiechixor

Hi all,

 I don't post here often but I feel I might have to start. My newest son is 1 week old tomorrow, and today was DS#1's first full day being with him (Grandma watched him the first 3 days).

I'm just now realizing that I don't really know any proper techniques for disciplining my toddler. He's 20mo tomorrow, and does NOT respond to verbal commands...because we really haven't had to use them with him. In general he's been a very well behaved kid- usually the only trouble he gets in is going under our desks and chasing the cat with various objects.

The only time he acts out is when he feels we aren't paying enough attention to him...and now that we have the new LO, unfortunately that's a lot of the time. Today while nursing he managed to get into a TON of trouble, and there I sat feeling helpless because I didn't know what to do.

DH usually puts him in his bedroom for 2 or 3 minutes if he keeps acting up, but I feel like there has to be a better way until he's old enough to understand the concept of a "time-out", which we plan on doing once he's 2...I just feel like he's too young for it at this time.

Advice? 

jjgal

I use a loud "NO" if DD does something unsafe or something like hitting me.  Otherwise, I'm still using re-direction and ignoring the behaviors.

amykins1283

Any praise you can offer for acceptable behavior is super important.  I praise Liam whenever he listens to me, when he is helpful, etc.  When he is misbehaving he either is redirected (if he is getting into something he shouldn't) or we ignore him (in the case of pointless tantrums).  

As far as behavior while nursing, I am not sure what to do except set him up for success.  Take him into a room that is gated off with you and the baby.  Have toys and books and things set up for him to play with.  Since you are not going to be able to physically redirect him while you are nursing I think it is best if you just minimize the chances of him getting into things.  Create a "safe space" for this time and work on the discipline when you are less distracted.   

JoannaJes

I think considering the fact that you have a brand new baby, you may want to take another couple weeks to revisit this issue. Everyone in your family right now is going through such a huge transition.

One thing that really helped us was to give DS a ton of focused attention when DD was sleeping...which in the beginning was a lot. Have him help you with the baby, things like that.

I know you didn't ask about your LO adjusting to the new baby, but it sounds like that is what is going on.

ETA: make your LOs bedroom completely baby proof and just lock yourself in there with both kids while your are nursing. You don't have to do it every time, but your LO can't get into trouble this way and you can safely supervise them. I've also heard of some moms having a special basket of toys and books that only get brought out when they are nursing the baby. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I do lots of praise for good behavior/ignoring/redirecting unwanted behavior. Getting to his level, having him make eye contact, and giving him a stern no/short explanation works well here too. If he's being bad with his toys, like throwing them at his sister, the toys do a time out.

The trick is finding what works best for your LO. Every one is different, so play around with the various strategies and see what works best. I dont think your LO is too small for time outs personally so if it's working, I would keep doing it.

FrickandFrack

I try to redirect, count to 3, use a firm NO.  All of those tend to work but if not, I give him "the look" and he tends to listen.  That being said, we don't have a new baby at home.  I would try to spend as much alone time with him as you can.  This is a big adjustment to him.  I wouldn't let him get away with the behaviour, but just try to remember what he is feeling when he's acting up.